‘Look, I do want to hear what you have to say but can you get down from the tree first, it’s making me nervous.’ He interrupted my memorised speech, stepping right up to the railings.
‘Yes. Of course.’ That was actually a really good idea. And he wanted to hear me out. He was here and he was listening, even if he did think I was completely nuts. I could have leapt out of the tree with glee, only it felt a lot higher now I was up in it. ‘Err…you know how cats have no trouble climbing trees but end up getting stuck?’
He rolled his eyes and took a step back, so he could do a short run-up to the railings and swing himself over the top of them, landing neatly on the other side. Impressive.
He stood right beneath me and held out his arms and all the air fled from my lungs. But my guitar had to be rescued first – it was probably first time in my life I had less than loving feelings for it. I unhooked it from around my neck and lowered it down. As he put it back in the case at the foot of the tree, I manoeuvred myself with shaky arms and legs and then he turned back to me and took me by the waist, lifting me out of the tree, his hands strong and warm through my sparkly party dress. I pressed my lips together hard and stared into his eyes as I slid down his front until my feet hit the damp, freezing earth. Was it possible to want someone this much? I wasn’t sure I’d ever felt this kind of longing vibrating through me.
He stared back at me, blue eyes intense, but then he shuttered his gaze and moved away, grabbing my coat for me while I slid my shoes back on and stamped some life back into my feet. Once I was dressed appropriately for the weather, he cleared his throat and scratched at the stubble along the sharp line of his jaw.
‘You were saying?’
‘Oh right, yes. I was really harsh to you and you didn’t deserve it at all. I found out the truth and what a big mistake I made, and I’ve been trying to find you so I could apologise ever since. I’m so sorry.’
My words hung there between us in a cloud of foggy air.
‘You turned on me so abruptly, Beth. I just didn’t understand why you were so angry. One minute I thought we were getting really close and then—’ He broke off and ran his hand back through his hair.
‘The thing is…’ I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to think. What was the thing? I’d figured out the apology bit, but I hadn’t really let myself believe we would get this far. Now I had to engage my brain again, which was harder than it seemed with him being within arm’s reach but still off-limits. ‘The thing is, you know about my ex lying to me. He lied to me for over a year, about how his business was going, telling me one thing and acting a different way, making me feel responsible for something that I didn’t even have any idea about. And I felt so gullible for not realising.’ His eyes were softening as he listened to me but I forced myself to carry on. ‘To think that I’d been taken for a ride again, by you…it just terrified me because…I really like you, Nick.’ I swallowed. ‘You’re so different to Peter. You make me feel like Icando things, and that what I care aboutisimportant, and thinking that all the things you’d said to me were a lie, just because you wanted to get close to me to write an anonymous review of the hotel…it hurt so much.’
He forced his hands deep into his pockets. ‘But why did you think it at all?’
I sighed.Sorry, Stephen, you had your chance. There’s a metaphorical double-decker bus coming with your name on it:‘Your brother told me.’
‘What?’ Nick’s eyes opened wide. ‘Why would he do that?’
‘You need to talk to him about that, I guess. I’m sorry I believed him. It kind of made sense because of all the travelling you do, but when it was your word against his, I wish I’d believed you. I was paranoid.’ I gave a one-shouldered shrug. ‘And you were too good to be true.’
Nick was pacing a little now, shaking his head and glaring up at the apartment.
‘You probably need to go and have it out with him. But I just wanted you to know, I can’t guarantee I won’t make a mistake again, but…’ I took a deep breath and braved it. There was no point glossing over anything now. I wanted him to know how I felt. ‘If you could find it in your heart to forgive me, I’d love to see you again.’
He stopped his pacing and went still, swinging his attention back to me.
‘No.’
That one word hit me in the chest like a battering ram.
‘O-okay.’ I forced a wobbly smile and bent down to grab my guitar, fiddling with the strap to give myself an excuse not to look at him. ‘I understand—’
‘No, I mean, I don’t want to go and talk to Stephen now.’ Nick was next to me again, his hands covering mine. He folded them gently within his and pressed them to his chest, the feel of his skin making my nerve endings sing. ‘I want to be with you.’
‘Now?’ I looked up at him and I was sure my eyes were huge, like a cartoon puppy dog, all brimming with adoration and hope.
‘Now,’ he agreed. A mischievous twinkle in his eye had my toes tingling. ‘And for the foreseeable future.’ He lifted one hand and touched my cheek gently. ‘God, you’re something else,’ he breathed out roughly. ‘When I realised it was you outside and I came down and saw you, singing and playing that Norah Jones song, up in atreeand sparkling like a fairy come to life, I could hardly believe you were trying to get my attention.’
‘I’ve wanted to play that song to you since Christmas Eve.’ I moved closer to him; I could feel the pounding of both our hearts either side of our hands.
‘What did I do to deserve that?’
‘You’ve just been yourself.’
‘I’ll make mistakes too though.’ He frowned down at me. ‘I’d never want to hurt you but I barely know how I’m going to feel one day to the next at the moment. This grief; it’s like a tidal wave and some days I drown in it.’
‘That’s okay. Just talk to me about it and I’ll try to understand.’
He nodded and sighed. ‘I missed you so much this past week, Beth, which seems crazy because we’ve only spent a few days together but…’ His lips pressed against my forehead, then my cheekbone and lingered in the space between my earlobe and jaw until my eyes fluttered shut.
‘I know,’ I murmured. ‘I can’t help it either.’ I melted against him, and his mouth found mine. The tenderness disappeared under an onslaught of hunger. I’d been starving for him, and he was just as greedy for me. I couldn’t believe I’d ever felt so frightened of things moving quickly between us. This was so right. I’d missed his taste, missed the toe-curling way he kissed me and the feel of his soft curls as I ran my hands through his hair—
