‘In New York. With Stephen.’ Beth added his name carefully and leaned in closer to the camera. ‘Are you okay? I see chocolate and a really glum expression. Did you and Stephen have a falling-out?’
‘Whatever gave you that idea?’
‘You’re not the only one who can put two and two together. I’ve read a lot of romance novels. All that frustration towards each other, it’s a dead giveaway for sexual chemistry. And then the other week when I was worried about you, he said he was going to go over and check on you and you somehow ended up at his apartment…’ She raised her eyebrows.
‘He told you that?’
‘I’d asked him to let me know you were okay. He texted me and said you were fine, just working hard trying to meet a deadline but that your air con was broken so he’d offered for you to work at his… Is that all that happened?’
‘No.’ I grabbed a handful of candy from the bag and shovelled it in my mouth. ‘We were dating and then he dumped me.’
‘Oh.’ She winced. ‘Sorry, honey. Should I be mad at him? Do I need to get Nick to give him a talking-to or something?’
‘I don’t know. That’s the problem.’ And so I explained to her what had been happening between us. The trips, the banter, the way I’d thought I’d seen more in him, but I had no clue about whether it had just been wishful thinking on my part or genuine. I didn’t talk to her about what happened with his father though. It wasn’t my place to tell her what he’d been going through – it was too private, and I knew the turmoil he was in was real. I’d seen it. Seen the way he tried to control all those emotions, the coldness he’d directed at his father when really he was hurting inside and scared he was going to turn out like him… I lost the train of thought I’d been following and found that Beth watching me, chin resting on her hand and a pensive expression on her face. I gave myself a shake. ‘So. Anyway. Then he organises someone to come over and fix my air conditioning. What’s that about?’
She blew out a breath. ‘Honestly? I don’t know. I mean he’ll do things like that for people just because—’ she shrugged ‘—just because he can and he’s generous. You know that bloody goose I had to cook at Christmas?’
‘Who could forget.’ I laughed.
‘Well, it was Stephen who went and got it for me, to help out. Even though I definitely wasn’t his favourite person at the time.’
I nodded. ‘Yeah. You’re right. Telling me that doesn’t help though.’
‘Sorry.’ She gave me a rueful smile.
‘But he is a womaniser isn’t he? That’s what he does isn’t it? Treats women like they’re disposable. Gets bored and moves on to the next.’
She shifted around on her seat. ‘Err…I’m not sure I’d say he treats women like they’re disposable.’
I squashed a peanut butter cup between my thumb and forefinger. ‘No? What about all those stories you told me about his revolving bedroom door.’
‘Look, I might have exaggerated a wee bit. We weren’t exactly on friendly terms at the beginning of the year. The truth is, I couldn’t tell you what he was up to all the time. He went out a lot to give Nick and I some space I suppose. I don’t know if he was always on the pull. Sometimes I think he was just working or crashing at a friend’s house. There were women of course, he’s far from being a monk and y’know, he has his charms.’
I grunted. He certainly did have his charms. ‘What about that woman who came to the door all distraught and the two he was dating at the same time?’
‘The woman who was upset…she’d been dating him when his mum passed away and he’d…he’d basically forgotten to call her back. A bit shitty for her, ’cause she obviously really liked him, but understandable I guess? And that time I saw him with a different woman in between dates with another…it turned out she was just a work colleague who got too drunk to get home by herself and he let her have his bed.’ She cleared her throat. ‘I was ready to believe the worst about him, but I don’t think he’s really that much of a rat-bag.’
‘That’s good I guess.’ I rubbed my temple, feeling a headache coming on. I must’ve scoffed too much candy in one go. ‘Thanks, Beth, you go try and get some sleep yeah?’
‘Are you upset with me for making him out to be such a Casanova?’
‘No. I get it. Like you said, you were pissed at him and ready to believe the worst. We’re all guilty of that at times.’
We said goodnight and I rested my head on the desk, flicking my bag of candy over so the little pieces rolled out, some stopping by my nose and some plunging off the side to land on the floor. I was making a mess of everything these days.
Chapter Nineteen
I left Nick sleeping in my bed the following morning. I’d taken the sofa because he needed to rest properly after his flight, and I needed to not be in the room that reminded me so strongly of Noelle. Not that the sofa was much better, but short of sleeping in the doorway to the balcony there weren’t many places in the apartment that didn’t remind me of her.
I ached for her and all her crazy contradictions; sexy and ridiculous; smart and irrational; snarky and empathetic.
But I went to work and got my head into it like the professional trader I was. This was my life now. The bachelor – like the reality TV show but miles less entertaining. I’d chosen it and I couldn’t entertain regrets. I was not going to blow hot and cold with her no matter how much it felt like I’d made a mistake. She wasn’t going to be interested anyway. She knew all about the selfish gene in my make-up and I wasn’t going to give in to it the way my father always did. I cared about her too much for that, and she was too clever to get drawn into a relationship that was ultimately doomed. This distance would have brought her to her senses I was sure.
Nick was waiting outside my office building at lunchtime ready for our trip to the jeweller’s. However difficult the last few days had been, having him around was a comfort. It had made me recall what Ididhave as much as what I didn’t. And it made me think more about contacting my sister, Lila. Nick and I had each other through the hard times growing up and now as adults. I didn’t know who Lila had. Was her mother as bitter towards her as she had been to me because she saw Trevor in her? Did Lila have other siblings?
I could make my peace with keeping Trevor at arm’s length now. If he needed help for his wife, I’d give it to them, but I didn’t want to spend any time with him. Maybe a bigger person could have forgiven him, but I couldn’t, and I didn’t have to. He wasn’t even asking for forgiveness.
But could I walk away without reaching out to my sister? I wasn’t sure I could.
