It was too much, having him here, having him so close, saying things that were making me dare to dream again. I was trembling despite the hot patch of sunshine we were bathed in from the windows alongside the front door.
‘Does that mean youdon’tthink I’m a genius?’ I joked, trying to breathe, trying to keep myself together and not throw myself into his arms as though his turning up at my parents’ like this made it a foregone conclusion that we were going to get back together.
‘No.’ His eyes twinkled and skimmed over my face.
‘Does that mean—’
‘Noelle. I missed you and I’m sorry.’ He grazed his teeth over his bottom lip. ‘You were right – I was so messed up by everything after seeing my father that night I didn’t give you a chance to explain and I was convinced that we were doomed anyway; what was the point in trying to reconcile?’
‘You…don’tstill feel that way?’
He shook his head. ‘I’ve had a lot to think about and I’ve realised a couple of things. Iamlike my dad—’ He pressed his finger softly to my lips as I made to object. ‘But not because I’m genetically incapable of committing. It’s because I’ve been giving myself that as an excuse to avoid relationships. I’ve been scared of hurting people but mainly, selfishly, I’ve been scared of getting hurt myself. Of people getting close enough to see that I’m…lacking somehow and then leaving me. Like he did.’ He cleared his throat and glanced over at the doors my family had been hiding behind. ‘God, I hope your family aren’t still there, listening to this. It’s going to be really awkward when I see them again…if I see them again?’ He lifted his eyebrows hopefully at me.
‘Are you asking if we can date again, or if you can come to another family barbecue?’ I smiled and it came up from my sneakers, filling me with a glow that beamed out.
He smiled back but it was still tinged with concern. ‘Both?’
‘Well, I guess it’s up to Mom and Dad about the barbecue…but yes, Stephen, of course I’d like to date you again.’ I swallowed. ‘It was point four on the de-idiotising plan wasn’t it?’
He wrapped his arms around my waist and tugged me against him. I could feel his breath shuddering in and out of his chest, like he’d run a sprint to get to this point. ‘This time I want to make you promises, Noelle. Small ones and big ones. You just have to ask.’
‘Okay. Here’s my first one…promise me you’ll shut up talking now and kiss me.’
‘I promise.’ He pressed his lips to mine. First tender, the relief of permission, the bitter sweetness of missing each other there in the gentle pressure…and then came the hunger. Falling into each other, deep and desperate, my arms entwined around his neck, the huge sun hat clutched in my left hand like a shield. I dropped it and we swayed together, his hand splayed on my back, firm, sliding down, making me weak—
‘Yeah, yeah, okay, break it up, I need to get upstairs,’ Sam’s voice shattered the haze and Stephen and I pulled apart to see him glaring at us with equal parts annoyance and embarrassment.
Stephen took my hand and walked me down the steps towards the door, neither of us capable of speaking quite yet.
‘You got to be somewhere as well, remember?’ Sam tapped his imaginary watch on his wrist before he went up the stairs two at a time.
‘Oh yeah, babysitting.’ I leaned into Stephen’s arm, revelling in the feel of him, the bliss of being so close again. ‘I don’t suppose you want to join me again?’
‘Another time. But that’s not what we’re doing tonight.’
‘We’re not?’
‘No.’ He curled his hand around my jaw, stroked his thumb along my cheek. ‘I’m taking you out, to the drive-in.’
‘What?’
‘It’s all arranged. I’ve hired a car and that’s why I wanted to pick you up from here. I want to take you to a drive-in movie and make out with you, the way you should’ve been taken out when you were a teenager.’ He grinned, wide and more heart-stopping than any teenage crush I’d ever had. My inner wallflower rejoiced, and I drew in a shaky breath.
‘Stephen, that’s so…’
‘Charming?’ He rolled his eyes and feigned a sigh. ‘I think I can live with it.’
I tiptoed up to plant another kiss on his gorgeous mouth, because I was sure I could live with it too.
Epilogue
Dear Lila
I want to introduce myself to you. I’m Stephen and I’m your half-brother, who you have most likely never heard of before. I only found out about you this summer, so I’m sorry, I know this might come as a shock that leaves you feeling off-balance, angry and sad. I felt all those things too.
I’m thirty-three years old and I’m British, like our father, Trevor. He left me when I was three and I only tracked him down this year because my mother, who passed away recently, left him something. Actually, that wasn’t the only reason I tracked him down. I also wanted to draw a line under my connection to him. His reputation has haunted me my entire life. The way he let my mother and I down has haunted me all my life too. I don’t like him. I don’t think I can ever forgive him, and I wanted to look him in the eye and show him that he missed out and that his leaving was actually the best thing that ever happened to me. I wanted to show him he didn’t matter to me in the slightest and then move on and forget about him.
But then he told me about you. About how he’d done the same thing, all over again to another woman and another child in New York. That I had a sister. And I was livid – not just because he had been so irresponsible and selfish again, but because he had made it impossible for me to forget and walk away. I already have a brother; his name is Nick and he’s five years younger than me. My mum remarried an amazing man called David, who showed me how a real dad was supposed to act, and Nick came along shortly after.
