Nan was sitting in her usual armchair, with the lights still off, like Daniel Craig at the start ofCasino Royale. The glow from the decorations outside made the room shift with pale shadows. Ashleigh flicked the switch on the wall by the front door and squinted at the sudden contrast.
‘I don’t think we really need that on, do we? It’s like Blackpool Illuminations out there.’ Nan was wearing her pale green dressing gown, the belt tightened at the waist like she’d been imagining wringing someone’s neck. ‘We’ll need to cut back on the electricity too.’
‘Oh, Nan. They don’t cost that much to run. They’re only on for a couple of hours each day.’
‘Ashleigh, there are hundreds of the little bloody things twinkling away out there.’
‘Exactly. They’relittle. They don’t use much power.’
‘It’s still more than we usually use, isn’t it? And we’re on a tight enough budget as it is, between my pension and whatever you happen to be bringing in on a given month.’
Ashleigh flushed but kept looking at her grandmere steadily. ‘I should make plenty this month, working at the farm.’
‘It’s not the only issue. You should have asked me. Not gone behind my back. This is not your house.’
Ashleigh flinched. That feeling of being unwelcome and pushed out crawling back up like it had earlier when Nan had complained about her taking up space.
‘Still?’ Ashleigh said, grabbing hold of the anger at how unreasonable her nan was being, rather than the pain of the rejection. ‘This isstillnot my home? After all these years.’
Her nan sighed impatiently as Simon let out a low-pitched whine from his spot on the sofa, reacting to the tension in the room. ‘I didn’t say it wasn’t your home. I said it’s not yourhouse. I own it and you should ask before you hammer nails into the brickwork.’
‘I would’ve asked, if I thought there was any possibility you’d say actually say yes.’
‘So, instead you just do what you want without any regard for my feelings on the matter? How is it possible I’ve managed to raise you to be as selfish as your mother?’ Nan raised her eyes to the ceiling and rubbed her cheek.
Ashleigh grew breathless at the statement, everything in her chest tightening up. She wasn’t sure what was worse – having the small thing that she’d done to bring her a little fun at Christmas time called selfish, or being likened to her mother.
‘Well, if that’s what you really think, maybe you should take a good look at yourself becauseyou’rethe common denominator in that equation.’
‘If you hate living with me so much, Ashleigh, you can leave. You’re a grown woman. Have been for nearly ten years, though you’re acting more like a stroppy teenager at the moment.’
Tears pricked at Ashleigh’s eyes. ‘Really? You’re kicking me out over Christmas lights?’
‘I’m not kicking you out. I’m saying that if you can’t have the decency to speak to me about what you want, and behave like a reasonable adult, then you have another option.’
‘Your way or the highway?’
Nan sighed and shook her head. ‘You’re determined to see it that way it seems.’
‘Fine.’ Ashleigh bit her lip. ‘I’ll start looking for a house share or a bedsit or something in the morning. And I’ll pull all the lights down and take them with me.’
‘If that’s what you feel you must do.’ Her nan harrumphed and pushed herself up from her chair. ‘I’m going to bed. Goodnight.’
Ashleigh watched silently, arms crossed tightly over her chest, as Nan passed in front of her and headed slowly up the stairs, her expression grim.
Ash’s mind was curiously blank and she stared at one of the carpeted stairs. How could this really be happening? All the years they’d lived together and themomentshe stepped out of line she was pushed away? Maybe she should have asked, but it wasn’t like she’d stolen all Nan’s savings or sold Simon or remodelled the kitchen without asking. It was a forgivable act wasn’t it?
Did no one in her family love her unconditionally? She’d been passed along and abandoned time after time – her dad, her mum and now Nan. What was wrong with her that people couldn’t wait to be shot of her?
A sudden scuff and a gasp had her head snapping up and she saw Nan tumbling down from the top the stairs. She rushed forwards and flung her arms out on instinct, before Nan reached the bottom, taking the brunt of the weight on top of her awkwardly, an elbow in her cheek and a bony knee against her hip. But she’d softened the fall and stopped Nan from tumbling the whole way down.
Simon was barking now, jumping around behind her as Ashleigh tried to catch her breath, her arms aching and heart pounding. ‘Nan? Nan? Are you okay? What happened?’
‘I fell. And I flattened you.’ Christine’s voice came out wobbly and breathless, but she was still lucid and very much like herself. Ashleigh would have sagged in relief but she was too worried about moving.
‘Does it hurt anywhere?’
‘Most places.’
