‘I can do it by myself—’
‘For goodness’ sake, Ashleigh, you don’thaveto do it on your own.’ Nan reached her hand across the table and captured Ash’s tightly. ‘I’mhere.’
Ashleigh looked into her nan’s eyes, blue like hers, and saw the stubbornness there, but also the dependability. Nanwasthere. Nan had always been there. Ashleigh felt the ache of unshed tears in her throat again. ‘I’m so sorry about putting the Christmas lights up without asking you.’
‘Well.’ Nan patted her hand before sitting back. ‘I’m sorry you felt you had to keep it a secret from me. I never meant to make you feel like this wasn’t your home. You know it is, don’t you? And that you can stay for as long as you want?’
Ashleigh gave a weak smile. ‘I’ll stay for as long as you need me, Nan, don’t worry.’
Nan cocked her head to the side. ‘What do you mean? You don’t think…you don’t think I want you around to look after me do you?’
‘It was a scare, Nan, I understand. It frightened me too.’
‘No. Surely you know me well enough by now to know that I would never agree to having you here if I didn’t want you. You’re my granddaughter.’
‘Mum just dumped me on you though… I heard the phone calls when I was younger. When you argued with Mum about her not coming back. Telling her that I wasn’t “your job”.’
Nan sighed and shook her head. ‘Well, you weren’t supposed to be my responsibility, Ashleigh, and Lord knows I’ve been angry with your mother for how she’s behaved, but not because I didn’twantto look after you.Neverbecause I didn’t want you. I was fighting with your mother for your sake, not mine.’
‘But…you were always so hard on me.’
‘Your parents had abandoned you; the last thing I wanted was for you to turn to drink or drugs or run away. I just wanted to give you boundaries. I obviously did something wrong with your mother.’ Her eyes widened. ‘What else could explain why she’s so utterly selfish?’
Ash couldn’t find anything to say to that. She’d been so focused on how much she thought that her nan didn’t want her there, she’d never thought about how it made her nan feel to know Ash didn’t want to be there either. But she had tried. She’d bought Ashleigh a dog when she’d been desperate for one, she’d spent time teaching her how to sew because it was a shared passion and she’d taken her to the aquarium to make her happy. Maybe to try and remember their bond like Olivier had tried to point out to Ash, but she’d been too wrapped up in her own misery and self-pity. ‘I’m pretty selfish too.’
‘No, child. You’re not. It was wrong of me to say that when we were arguing. Look at what you’re doing for your friend. I’m very proud of you.’
Fresh tears began to spill down Ashleigh’s face. She was so silly. All this time she’d been desperate to think of her mum being proud of her and wanting to be with her, and she’d had her nan.
‘Careful, Ashleigh, careful, mind the dress.’ Nan handed her a tissue. ‘Now,’ Nan pursed her lips and slid her reading glasses down from her head, so she could inspect the dress again. ‘I can see that apart from that one tiny mistake, this dress is coming together beautifully. So. What is really upsetting you?’
‘Olivier.’ The tears started up again.
‘Oh.’ Nan nodded as though that explained everything. Which, Ash supposed, it did. ‘Go into the living room so we can have this brew away from the dress.’
Ash did as she was told and waited while Nan made her a cup of tea just the way she liked it and even got down the tin of fancy biscuits from the top shelf in the cupboard to put on the coffee table. ‘But they’re for Christmas.’
‘Oh, hang it. I know you’ve sneaked a few already and we can buy some more can’t we?’ She opened the tin and pushed it towards Ashleigh. ‘So he’s gone back to France, has he? Were you an item then?’
‘I let myself imagine we could be. Which was stupid. Of course he was never going to stay. He lives in Paris. His life is in Paris. But I thought he’d at least stick around until Christmas.’ Ash grabbed two chocolate-covered biscuits. ‘I never even got a proper date or a kiss. Fifteen years I’ve been waiting for that man to kiss me.’
‘Well, thatisstupid.’
Ashleigh had to laugh. Tough love from Nan, always.
‘Waiting for a man to do anything is a recipe for disaster in my experience. D’you know how long I waited for your grandfather to wallpaper our bedroom?’
‘No.’
‘Exactly. Because I never did wait for him. I got on and did it myself.’
‘Weren’t you just saying that you don’t have to do everything by yourself?’ Ashleigh lifted her eyebrow.
‘Don’t get smart – you know that’s different. And the reason I didn’t wait for him was because it was somethingIwanted. If you want something, my dear, you have to go out there and get it.’
‘That’s a good philosophy usually but kissing or dating someone does involve both parties being willing. Otherwise it’s assault or stalking.’
‘Of course he was willing. He came over constantly and made soup and brought enough chocolate around to kill off all the diabetics in Brighton.’ She took a sip of tea. ‘He was wooing you. Very slowly mind. I’ve seen tortoises move quicker. My goodness. I thought you young people were all about right swiping and hooking up.’
