Maybe he’d been expecting her to be cautious – when he’d allowed his mind to wander in that direction. But being timid was only one aspect of her nature. She was also genuine and sensitive and empathetic. Things that made her seem like a flame capable of burning so bright, which few people seemed to see, as she had to flicker and bend to avoid being snuffed out.
And no. He shouldn’t have done it. He couldn’t bear to use the excuse that “he’d snapped”. He hated that terminology. The idea that people who acted irresponsibly or violently had been pushed to it by others. The truth was, every day he’d found it harder to ignore his growing feelings for her. And then she’d come to him offering her quiet compassion and looked at him as though she felt the same pull towards him as he did to her, and he’d been too weak to stop himself. His selfish, irresponsible side had won out.
He wasn’t even done being selfish either. He didn’t regret it.
No one had seen them together. It had been close, but everything between them was stilljustbetween them. And as long as they kept it that way, what harm was he even doing? She’d said yes to the date. Or maybe it was just the phone call? No, her smile had been wide and reflected all the glow filling up his chest – she wouldn’t have looked that happy if she was facing saying “no” to him later. So, they’d talk about the date after work. It would need to be private or low-key somehow. He couldn’t think of any great ideas in the moment, and he didn’t want to ask her straight over to his villa, like all he was after was a booty call, but they needed to be away from prying eyes.
Actually, first, he needed to know how she felt about keeping things private between them. It wasn’t going to be the easiest of conversations to have. He didn’t want to inadvertently hurt her feelings. He expected she would understand though. She knew the position he was in with Gerrard at the moment, and he doubted she would welcome the attention that dating a celebrity could bring.
Maybe he should have broached the subject before they left the trailer but he hadn’t wanted to blurt it all out and make a complete hash of it because his brain wasn’t working through the haze of horniness and the emotional roller coaster he’d been on. Better to exercise a little uncharacteristic patience for a change and call her this evening to talk properly.
Thankfully, the afternoon went far more smoothly for him. He still had to concentrate of course, but the angles of the shots were different, lined up to focus on Ant and Leo as they delivered part of their dialogue from the scene. Once he was trussed up, all he had to do was wait, while kneeling on the ground with the sun sneaking through the trees in rays that bathed his face and made concentrated areas of heat build up on his clothes. The edges of the leaves lit up and he found himself thinking of the bright green of Lila’s eyes and wondering if she was watching. Whether she was wishing time would pass faster, like he was?
If he thought it had been hard to hide his feelings before he kissed her, it was going to be nothing compared to controlling them now.
Lila
Lila was pretending to read a book while Ruth moved in and out of the kitchen and her bedroom, sorting out her washing. In truth, Lila’s phone was resting on her stomach as she lay on the sofa, and she was seesawing between waiting for it to ring and daydreaming about the feel of Rowan’s lips against hers. If she closed her eyes, she could remember the heat of his body hovering over hers like it was still there…
Her phone vibrated with a message, making her jump and her phone nearly slid off and hit the tiles beside her.
Rowan: Hi, beautiful, how was your afternoon?
Her fingers tingled as she attempted to type a message back to him.
Lila: Good thanks.
Ha. That was an understatement. No fear of Sibyl getting cross at her for disturbing a scene; she’d felt like she was floating around the set.
Lila: How did the rest of the filming go for you?
Rowan: A lot easier than the morning in some ways.
Lila: That’s good.
She winced as her thumb hit send too eagerly. Any other words in your vocabulary, Lila?
Lila: In what ways *wasn’t* it easier?
Rowan: I was impatient to finish so I could speak to you. Can I call you now?
Lila glanced up at Ruth folding clothes on the kitchen table. She could have gone into her room, but unless she put on music, Ruth would still be able to hear her.
Lila: Actually. It’s probably better to keep texting if that’s okay? I’m with Ruth at the moment.
Rowan: Right. Okay. That’s fine.
The ellipsis flashed up, stopped, flashed up and stopped. Showing he was still writing but pausing a lot. Maybe texting wasn’t such a great idea? What was he was having such trouble putting into words? Had he taken that as a rejection?
And then she realised it was just because he had been typing an epic message out:
Rowan: That’s sort of connected to what I wanted to speak to you about. Will it upset you in anyway if I ask that we keep our date private? You know my agent is on my case. And how quickly rumours spread. But I don’t want you to think it’s because I don’t want people to know how I feel towards you. I’d gladly tell people – well, the people in our lives that it’s relevant to – but I think it might be the final straw for my agent if he finds out. And if you think that’s a bullshit excuse and shows you disrespect in any way, I understand. You can just tell me.
She read it through a couple of times. Lord, how hefelttowards her. He’d gladly tell people.
She couldn’t denythatwas a bit of an ego boost.
But it was a moot point anyway. She’d seen the way people had been scrutinising his every interaction with Ruth since the incident last week. How eyes would lock on to them whenever Ruth spoke to him and the quiet conversations and smirks that followed. That was not something she wanted directed towards her.
