Chapter Eleven
Lila
It felt like Lila was on the precipice of some new phase of existence and she was scarcely able to catch her breath. Not in a bad way. Her life appeared to be opening up around her with the relationships she was building with Rowan and Stephen and at work, but all the excitement and the added interaction was like running along a rolling log on an assault course. If she kept going, at speed, with the confidence she’d get across, she’d make it unscathed. But she was scared if she let herself look at her feet, or pause, or question her ability for even a moment, she would slip and fall.
And then towards the end of the week Sibyl told Lila that she would actually get to do makeup – on real live actors. Well, extras. There was a whole scene to be shot with a bunch of soldiers running through the woods, uphill, as they pursued Rowan, so they needed to look sweaty and dirty, and she was going to get to help out with that. To finally get her hands on some makeup.
Walking beneath the canopy where there was a troop of Sicilian men in uniform, talking loudly in Italian, made everything clench inside her. But she set herself up next to Jackie, who explained the basics and did all the calling out and corralling, and Lilathoughtshe was getting into the swing of it, until Sibyl came by and complained that she was taking too long on each of them.
Lila tried to work faster, but she was worried she’d make a mistake and when Sibyl noticed that she’d missed a spot on one of the soldiers, she began to panic, sweat prickling along her skull. She couldn’t do anything right. Maybe she wasn’t cut out for this.
But it was hardly an option to give up when they were in the middle of working. And there were only three men left in her line. She’d have to finish up and just do her best. She side-eyed Jackie, who was confident and almost acting on automatic pilot. She did a base and then added some smears here and there, or a little scratch to make them all slightly different. Lila copied, not worrying about making small talk at all, just on getting the job done. If they thought her quiet or aloof, she’d just have to live with it for the day. She hated the idea of that, but she hated the idea that everyone thought she was rubbish at her job even more.
When she finished, Sibyl gave her no further feedback on how she’d done, so she was left to assume the worst, while they were hurried along to wait nearby the set. There was no chance to watch the action really today, as it was all running uphill, rather than happening in one place. Intermittently, Rowan would be sent back to sit in the shade while they completed a shot on the extras and she wished she could go over and talk to him rather than sitting mutely with her thoughts going over and over in her head, and reading too much into it when only Jackie was asked to go touch up the extras’ makeup and Ruth and Sibyl split the actors between them. A vulnerable, shaky feeling rose up in her chest as she sat there, waiting for the end of the day.
It seemed to take hours and she couldn’t do anything really to shake off the feeling. It twisted into something worse in fact, when she began to over-examine how much she wanted the comfort of being with Rowan. Was she using him like a feel-good patch, rather than learning to deal with these feelings herself like she had aimed to do, coming out here by herself? She resolved not to say anything to him about it when it was time to take the photos and remove his makeup at the end of the day. She could be a big girl about it.
Only it appeared to be written all over her face.
‘What’s up? Hard day?’ he asked, as she took her photographs.
She licked her lips and glanced around, seeing how close everyone else was to them. No one was really paying any attention, but she still hesitated – because of being overheard, and because she didn’t want to go whining to him all the time. Especially not when he’d overcome so much more last week to film those difficult scenes.
‘It’s nothing really.’ She put the camera away and moved in closer to start removing his makeup. ‘How did your day go?’
He looked down at her, eyes searching, making her breath catch, and warmth kindle inside her. Touching his face was a lot harder these days now she had permission to do more, the temptation to linger, to push her fingers into his hair or slide them around his neck as she wiped, made her ache. But in a good way. It was a better ache than the fear she’d been battling all day.
‘I don’t believe you, but I’ll play along.’ He lifted his arm, fingers flexing near her wrist, as though he wanted to hold on to it, but he took a deep breath and dropped his hand again. ‘I’ve been scrabbling up hills and running as though my life depended on it. It was simple compared to last week. But I need a shower and an enormous pizza. Maybe two.’
She smiled. ‘Two pizzas. Surely you’re not allowed all that bread and cheese?’
‘What makes you think that?’ he asked, a glint in his eyes that said he knew exactly what she meant.
‘Don’t you have a really strict diet? To maintain your…fitness.’ She blushed with the power of a thousand suns, her mind full of the memory of his body, how it felt under her hands, over the top of hers.
He took mercy on her. ‘Not anymore. I’ve been able to relax and eat carbs to my heart’s content for this role. It’s probably not a good idea for anyone to eat two full-sized pizzas to themself though.’ He lowered his voice. ‘Come and join me, tonight. I know we’re supposed to see each other tomorrow, but—’ he dropped his voice even further ‘—I don’t think I can wait that long.’
Her heart soared in her chest. It had felt that way for her too and it was like she’d been waiting to hear it all along, although she hadn’t even admitted it to herself. She tried to contain her smile because she was sure it would be so clear to anyone looking, that she was utterly smitten. ‘Okay. But only because of the pizza.’
He laughed. ‘Of course. Text me and I’ll come get you.’
‘It’s fine, I can make my own way over. What time?’
‘Whenever you’re ready.’
They exchanged a smile that she felt down to her toes, all the promise of a night at his villa burning her other thoughts to a cinder. They didn’t talk for the rest of the time as she worked to remove his makeup, every few seconds, their gazes tangling and tearing apart again. When Lila finished and turned back to join the makeup team as they walked back towards the trailer, she found Sibyl staring straight at her and if that didn’t throw a bucket of cold water over her head, nothing would.
Lila hurried to catch up and walk alongside Ruth and Jackie. They packed up for the week, talking about their plans, and Lila was able to drop into the conversation to Ruth, that she was going over to “Colin’s” in the evening.
‘Aren’t you seeing him tomorrow too?’ Ruth asked, grabbing her handbag. ‘Does that mean you’re staying over finally?’
‘“Finally”, is a bit of an exaggeration,’ Jackie snorted. ‘How long has she been dating him – a week?’
‘Granted. But she’s clearly smitten.’
Lila felt a tiny surge of annoyance that they were talking about her as though she wasn’t actually there. While she had been happy enough just to be accepted into the group of MUAs as “the baby” – that role was starting to have his own issues.
‘So – will you be doing a full shave in the shower when we get back?’ Ruth turned back towards her.
