‘I don’t care. I’ll sit out here all night if I have to, Lila.’ His voice lowered to that volume she was used to them using, quiet and private and gentle, rough velvet that gave her goose bumps. ‘We have to talk.’
She swallowed, her resolve wavering. He did determined and assertive far better than her. ‘I don’t want to.’
His brow pinched together over his eyes and the dim light made the shadows even deeper. ‘So, you’re just going to ignore me for the rest of the production?’
‘Maybe. It should be relatively easy to pretend nothing happened between us.’
‘Should it?’ He straightened up and shook his head, moving closer to her, the light from the doorway reaching out to coast over his cheekbones and expose the amber warmth of his eyes. She moved back automatically but he didn’t push his way in. ‘It won’t be easy for me. If you truly want it to be over between us, the least you can do is speak to me about why.’
‘The leastIcan do?’ A spark of anger finally reached the surface. ‘You want to knowwhy? You know that I saw her, Rowan. Yourgirlfriend.’
He wiped a hand down his face, his skin glistening with rainwater. ‘She’s not my girlfriend.’
‘Yes, you said that before. And I guess I’m not either then. So we’re not really breaking up are we? Nothing much to talk about.’ She gasped for breath, her lungs tight, like her very body was fighting her as she tried to get the words out. ‘Now I’d appreciate it if you left.’
‘Lila, no.’ His eyes widened and he shook his head again. ‘I’m telling you the truth. Would you let me in, please, so I can explain properly? You’ve jumped to conclusions, and I can’t blame you for that because you don’t have all the information – but are you really going to refuse to hear me out?’
Lila clenched her jaw. ‘Ten minutes and then you have to leave.’
‘Okay. I promise. If that’s what you want.’
She backed away from the door and moved into the kitchenette again. She was tempted to pour herself another glass of wine but even in this state, given the things he’d told her about his dad, she felt like it was in poor taste to start knocking it back in front of him. She put the glass and bottle in the chipped white sink and stayed on that side of the table, folding her arms over her chest.
Rowan shut the door and came over slowly, like he was approaching a wild animal that might flee at any second. He stayed on the other side of the table though, raking a hand through his damp hair, pushing it back from his face and sighing, his shoulders slumped. ‘I’m so sorry, Lila.’
‘That I found out?’ she asked quietly.
‘That a stupid PR stunt has hurt you. That’s all it was. It wasn’t meant to hurt anyone but that’s my fault because I agreed to it in the first place. And because I didn’t tell you about it.’
She looked down at his chest because looking at his face was too difficult. She knew he was a good actor, but if this was him acting now it was taking it to another level. If he could lie like this how much of any of what they’d shared could she trust to have been genuine? ‘What are you talking about? You’re trying to tell me Cassandra came here as a PR stunt? To what end?’
‘Yes. It was a set-up.’ He grimaced. ‘Although, I never knew she was going to turn up here. It was before filming started; I had to spend some time with her in Italy. My agent’s bright idea to show that producer I was turning over a new leaf. I never wanted to do it even then. And I told Gerrard I wasn’t going to play along anymore before I ever asked you out. But he’sheragent too and he arranged to send her out here anyway. That’s why she turned up. I guess he’s panicking about the fallout after the Stan Gillian thing.’ He linked his hands behind his neck and took a deep breath, the air shuddering in and out of his lungs. ‘I’m not seeinganyonebut you. I don’twantto see anyone but you. If that minibus had been one minute later, you would have seen me send her packing. Please say you believe me.’
She rubbed her forehead as she tried to sort through the new information. ‘You’re trying to tell me that you arenotdating a beautiful famous model and never even wanted topretendyou were. What you want is to date an awkward little mouse like me?’ She shook her head and dropped her hand, crossing her arms again, even tighter. ‘That’s…quite hard to believe.’
He moved around the table towards her. ‘Lila, stop it. She’s just a person – and I’m sure someone will find her amazing and wonderful one day, but that person isn’t me. I don’t feel that way about her – never have. Not even slightly. I feel that way aboutyou.’
Her throat closed up as she looked up at him. ‘I saw the photos too. They were very convincing.’
‘Shit. I know. They can be. All it takes is a certain angle and it looks all kinds of intimate, but you won’t find one of me touching her. I couldn’t even bring myself to fake it that far.’
Lila closed her eyes, trying to think back to what she’d seen.Hewas being very convincing now too. Those sweet words, everything she wanted to be true.
And why was he trying to convince her so hard? Why would he be here now with her instead of with his supermodel girlfriend?
Unless Cassandra had come over to dump him and he wanted to keep his options open.
But the hug had hardly looked like the precursor to a dumping. And seriously, why would he put all this effort in for her when he could probably find many willing volunteers to jump into bed with him, if that was all he was after?
God, she hated the way she was so unsure of people all the time. Always swinging from one thought to another. So scared of making the wrong call in any situation, let alone one where it felt like her entire heart was bound to the outcome.
She pinched the bridge of her nose. ‘Help me understand. Why? Why would you agree to the PR stunt if you hated the idea so much?’
‘Oh Christ…because I’m an idiot?’ He couldn’t meet her gaze for the first time. ‘I just…I didn’t want to let anyone down. Gerrard’s been my agent for a decade. And he’s been threatening to drop me. If I lose him, I don’t know what will happen to my career and I need to keep working to look after my family. It’s been the one good thing I could do for them, and they deserve it so much.’
Lila frowned. What about whathedeserved? She pushed the thought down – she couldn’t let herself get tripped up with emotions when she was trying to weigh up the facts. ‘And yet despite all those reasons, you’re here doing the opposite of what he wants you to do?’
He lifted his eyes from the tiles and even though he didn’t move any closer, she could feel him, feel that space between them get loaded with electricity. ‘Yes. That’s exactly right. Despite all that, I’m here, Lila.’
