Jordan: This one was after Joshy had his hearing test. It didn’t hurt him but he cried because obviously some strange woman was sticking something in his ears and Mum got a bit upset. Dad said “hormones” but they all had a big cuddle.
Rowan wondered if it had just been hormones too. Siobhan had always seemed to get disproportionately upset when Jordan hurt himself or got into a fight with one of his friends at school. Was it more than just normal protectiveness?
It was slowly dawning on him that if he had these issues and had never really said anything to his mum or his sister about it, what hadtheygone through that he wasn’t aware of? He’d always thought they were so close, united in the relief that his dad was gone, and the hard bit was over. It hadn’t occurred to him that there would be damage left over to deal with. Especially when luck had landed him this amazing boon of a career. That had been the only thing he’d considered himself and his family needing – money so they could live comfortably – and acting brought that.
Only now, things felt like they were on the verge of blowing up. Gerrard was going to be pissed off at him. But Rowan was equally, if not more, annoyed back. He’d told Gerrard he didn’t want the PR stunt to carry on. And his agent hadn’t listened.
‘You’re not sleeping.’ Lila’s throaty voice made him click his phone straight off.
‘Sorry. Did I wake you?’
‘That’s okay.’ She stifled a yawn against the back of her hand and snuggled closer, draping herself further across his chest. ‘Was it a bad dream?’
‘No.’ He took her hand in his, linking their fingers. The nightmares had eased this week, thankfully, like the wound had been given a chance to scab over, but it was still there. ‘I haven’t been able to drop off yet.’
‘And you’re okay?’ Her eyes, despite being sleepy, gleamed as they roved over him like a detective looking for clues.
‘Err…why do I suddenly feel like that’s a hard question to answer?’
‘Because you’re not used to answering it honestly?’
‘Oof.’ He put their linked hands to his chest, mimicking he was wounded.
‘I didn’t mean it like that.’ She bit him gently on the shoulder and then nuzzled into the crook of his neck. His blood immediately began to simmer. He loved how it felt when she touched him like that. Like he’d found a piece of something he’d never known was missing. A circuit being completed so the electricity could flow the way it was meant to.
‘I know, I know. You’re right. Stuff is worrying me. Although, none of it I can do anything about at—’ he checked the time on his phone before dropping it back on the pile of clothes next to the bed ‘—3.15 in the morning.’
‘You could talk to me.’ She lifted herself up so she could look at his face, her eyelashes sweeping heavily with lost sleep.
‘And then you don’t get any sleep either.’
‘I don’t mind. I can catch up tomorrow. Tell me what’s wrong.’
‘It’s nothing you haven’t already heard, anyway. I just know I’ve got an argument coming my way with my agent. And I feel guilty about agreeing to the PR thing in the first place. I knew in my gut it didn’t feel right to me. If I’d stuck to that, then I would have avoided this whole mess. I wouldn’t have hurt you.’
‘I’m okay.’ She pressed another kiss to his chest and looked up at him again. ‘And you told him you didn’t want to do it anymore. He should have listened, shouldn’t he? You’re not like…his employee are you? Agents work on your behalf, don’t they?’
‘Yeah. But they’re also experts in what they do, so you’re meant to listen to their advice and trust them.’
‘The trust is gone between you?’
‘I think so. And the respect. I’m starting to wonder if it was ever there in the first place – from his side at least. He always been so adamant about what kind of roles I should be going for. Assumed my only selling points are how well I fit into skin-tight costumes and can run around on a set throwing fake punches. That was part of why I did the PR stunt too. If that’s all I have to offer, then I needed to make myself as commercially appealing as possible. But I just couldn’t do it.’
‘I’m sorry. You’re capable of so much more than that.’ She let go of his hand and pushed her fingers through his hair in a soothing gesture. He let his head sink back onto the pillow. ‘And you know…the reason I can trust you – the reason I trusted you so quickly, when normally it takes me a long time and that I could push past all the doubts I had earlier – it’s because you’ve got a strong sense of integrity. You should trust yourself.’
Rowan’s chest grew warm, touched beyond words by the compliment. ‘Thank you.’
‘It’s just the truth. I wish there was something else I could do to help.’
‘This helps,’ he said, drowsily, as she rubbed circles on his scalp, his eyes closing.
‘She had her fingers in your hair in one photo,’ she said softly, almost to herself.
‘Umm…it hurt.’
‘It hurt to see that, yes, but I told you I’m okay.’
His eyes opened wide again and even though it was dark he could see it clearly, the purse of her mouth and the line between her eyebrows. ‘I’m still sorry. If it makes you feel any better, what I meant was – it physically hurt. She was threatening me at the time, something about using my balls as Christmas ornaments I think.’
