‘Oh, you meant nieces and nephews. I thought you…’ I trailed away awkwardly.
‘You thought I meant you?’ He worded it carefully and I appreciated it. Not just because there was no judgement in his tone — which would have been hypocritical of him — but because he’d left it easy for me to brush off if it was too sensitive a subject.
‘I don’t…’ I chewed my lip, ready to deflect him. To fob off the conversation like I did earlier, but he’d been so honest with me despite how hard he found it. Telling me about the shame he felt because of his lousy father walking out on him – I knew that was no small admission on his part. If we were really going to try to be friends, we should be able to talk about this sort of thing, shouldn’t we? ‘I don’t think I’m ever going to find the right person to have kids with.’
‘Why? Is this all part of the legends surrounding your love life? I’m not trying to provoke you. I just don’t get why your family are all so obsessed with the men you choose to see. If I had a pound for every time someone has called me Type A today.’
‘I’ve not had much luck with dating, that’s all.’ I pressed my lips together and looked at him. He was like that famous poster, all handsome and paternal too, designed to detonate ovaries. It didn’t seem fair to be talking about these kinds of dreams whilehe was looking like that. ‘I’d love to have kids, but I want them with the support of a mythological man, who’ll understand that writing is my vocation, and as important as his work, and that we’d need to take care of the child-rearing duties fifty-fifty.’
‘That doesn’t sound so mythological.’
‘At a first glance, I suppose not. It should be the norm shouldn’t it, in this day and age? But it’s not. I’ve lived with two men – briefly – and both of them thought that working from home meant I was available to pick up all the chores and run errands for them. You look at most families you know, and you’ll see how the division of family labour falls. It’s not equal in the majority of cases despite women working just as hard at their jobs.’ I sighed. ‘I want to be a mom, but I don’t want to be wholly responsible, trying to look after a kid,andwrite, and inevitably fail at one of them because it’s too much, y’know? I need to write, and I’ve worked so hard to reach this point in my career. So, I’m just…letting that take priority at the moment.’
His dark eyes flickered over my face, intense and sincere when he said, ‘You’re probably right to be careful. I’m sure my mum wished she had been before getting involved with my father and ending up a single parent. I hope the male population doesn’t let you down when you do get back out there. A bunch of little Elles running around terrorising everyone would be a sight to see.’
‘I’m sure there will be plenty of nieces and nephews, though. You were right there.’
‘Yeah.’ He was swaying a little now and Brigid’s eyes were closing. He was getting it. He was a natural. ‘I suppose I might get a couple soon enough myself.’
I blinked. ‘Is there something you’re not telling me about Beth and Nick?’
‘Like what?’ He attempted to look perplexed.
‘Is she…?’
‘No. Not that I know of, although it might explain the rush—’ He cut off and pressed his lips together.
‘Oh my God. He’s going to propose, isn’t he?’
He closed his eyes briefly as if in pain. ‘If I say nothing, you’re never going to stop trying to find out, are you?’
I shook my head, lacing my fingers together in front of my face like I was praying for the answer I wanted to hear.
‘Fine. Yes. He’s thinking about proposing…I think it’s too soon.’
‘I don’t think it’s too soon.’
‘It’s only been six months.’
‘That’s longer than a lot of people. When you know, you know.’
‘That’s what he said too.’ A wrinkle formed between his eyebrows. ‘But how do you know? Do you have an epiphany? Is there a secret message that gets sent to your phone or their name appears tattooed on your ar— bottom?’
I laughed at the cute way he avoided cursing around the baby. ‘I may not have experienced that moment myself, but I’ve spoken to enough happy couples to believe that when they find the person who suits them best on a biological and psychological level, it just feels right.’
‘Hmm…’ he grunted.
‘Hang on. You’re not thinking of dissuading him, are you?’
‘No. I mean. I’ve spoken to him about it, but I can’t stop him—’
‘No. You can’t. Don’t you dare try and put any spanners in the works, d’you hear me?’
He stood up straighter, stepping back from beside me. ‘Look, you were right to do what you did at Christmas. I’m pleased you got involved and they’re still together. But he’s my first priority, Elle. He’s my brother and I’ll do what I think is best for him. Always.’
‘What’s best is that he proposes to the woman he loves, and they are left to live happily ever after without your interference,’ I said, but my tone was softer. Maybe Beth had been right after all. Maybe he’d just interfered because he read the situation wrong and wanted to look after his little brother. ‘Take it from me, I have a lot of siblings: no good ever comes of thinking you know what’s best for them, and he won’t thank you for it.’
‘It’s not that I don’t want the happily ever after for him. Of course, I do. I just…’
