Part of me wanted to slide under the table, but another part had my heart crashing against my ribs in anticipation of seeing how he’d respond to her observation.
He nodded slowly and then fixed his dark gaze on me. ‘Doyouthink it’ll drive him insane if I dial it up a notch?’
OK. Wow. He was just acknowledging it. And he was offering to make it even more obvious? What would dialling it up a notch even entail? Most of our flirting had been verbal and non-contact body language and I was just barely stopping myself from grabbing him by the collar and dragging him to the nearest dark corner — I couldn’t vouch for what would happen if he didmorethan that.
And why didn’t the idea of that feel as appealing as I thought it would? I mean, the thought of getting him closer was temptation personified but…only if hewantedto do it. I needed him to genuinely desire it, the way I did. I don’t think I could deal with it if I was melting and he was just participating in a recreational activity to make my ex jealous.
‘I doubt it,’ I managed to say.
‘What if that someone-who-appreciates-you is flashing their cash? He was always such a dickhead about not earning as much money as you,’ Caitlin suggested.
‘I could order a couple of bottles of champagne?’ Stephen offered. ‘We can make a big deal about celebrating your win this week.’
‘You don’t have to spend your money for my petty revenge.’ I shook my head.
‘But this is precisely why I allocate myself a spite budget.’ He dead-panned. ‘I can’t spend it entirely on smear campaigns against David Beckham.’
I snort-laughed. ‘We’re going to have to come back to why you have a vendetta about him later. But no to the champagne and bragging; he’d just feel justified about accusing me of having an overinflated ego.’
Stephen’s hand closed into a fist as he looked back over to the bar again.
‘Can I spill a drink accidentally on purpose on his head?’ Keisha asked.
‘Go for his pants,’ Boyd advised. ‘More embarrassing and harder to fix.’
‘Guys, no. I appreciate the solidarity but I just want to enjoy my evening with you all and ignore him.’ I pressed my palms flat to the wooden table and pushed myself to my feet. ‘I will go freshen up though just so I don’t look all, y’know, drunk and sweaty. If that’s possible.’
‘Want us to come?’ Caitlin offered.
‘No. I’m good.’ I could do with a few minutes to get my head together.
Chapter Forty-Six
Stephen
When I was a teenager, I went on an impromptu camping trip with a few friends. Bearing in mind that we were all inner city kids with families struggling to make ends meet, none of us really had any experience of the great outdoors. But it was a laugh. Particularly when a storm kicked up in the middle of the night and began ripping up each of our poorly hammered in tent pegs, one by one. That kind of reckless hilarity you could only fully embrace when you were young and thought you were invincible.
And yet, tonight, I recognised a similar unhinged exhilaration had gripped me, in the face of potential disaster. Elle was ripping up the pegs and I was as good as pointing out the quickest way she could do so.
First, her invite to the bar that had taken my mood from despondent to elated at a speed that gave me whiplash. Then, I’d found her in this cosy, boisterous bar, that reminded me of home, and she’d been not just glowing, but willing to welcome me into her warmth and light. And then she’dflirted. Not just a one off slip up, or general banter, but comments and actions that there was no denying crossed boundaries she’d set.
Was I aware that she was drunk and therefore her lowered inhibitions could be contributing to behaviour she might regret? Yes. But I was also drunk now and couldn’t bring myself to miss any opportunity to reciprocate. Because what if shedidn’tregret it? There had been those moments last night when I’d thought she was toeing the line she’d drawn, but not quite ready in the way I needed her to be for me to risk it. What if shewasready now?
I’d been concerned about ruining our friendship and disappointing her…but if she was going to say those things, and look at me that way, and make excuses to touch me…I was going to make sure she understood I was just as interested in her. Bewitched in fact, by her every move.
Like how she chose to walk with her head held high to the bathrooms by herself after discovering her ex was here. She wasn’t going to be cowed by his presence, and she didn’t need our help dealing with him. If he tried to approach her, I was sure she’d be able to handle it with or without violence.
That didn’t stop me from trying to keep my eye on him when I went to grab another round of drinks. He’d definitely been watching her walk to the toilets and was only giving half his attention to the woman he’d brought with him, but they were leaving the bar to look for a seat as I approached, so I couldn’t keep tabs on him for long.
As I leaned on the bar waiting for the bartender, the heaviness of my limbs told me that an additional shot with this round was not necessary. I hadn’t drunk this much since…Christmas? When I’d found Nick dancing with Beth at the village fete after our failed date and felt betrayed. Not by Beth. That date had been the start of me realising I was using the chase and physical encounters as a distraction. She was a beautiful woman, but I’d been working so hard, too hard, to make the chemistry happen just out of habit, and she’d been just as unmoved. Thank God, because things really would have been awkward now if we’d followed through with a sexual encounter neither of us were really bothered by, and then she ended up with Nick anyway.
No. I’d felt betrayed by Nick. Seeing him happy for the first time in months when all I’d received from him — when Ididget to see him — was detachment and anger and sadness. I’d tried talking to him, giving him space, tough love and none of it had worked. I’d wanted my brother back — but in that moment, onmy own in a cute little village, I hadn’t wanted to see that he was capable of being himself again with someone else.Iwas meant to be the one he turned to in his grief. His big brother. But he hadn’t wanted or needed me.
I rubbed my eyes as I waited for the bartender, reminding myself that things were better with Nick now. Ihadn’tlost him despite my catalogue of terrible decisions and despicable behaviour…and why was I even thinking about it?
‘Hey, what can I get you?’ The bartender roused me from my introspection and I automatically plastered on a smile and placed my order.
I checked the doors to the bathrooms in the corner of the room and Elle emerged with perfect timing, like our paths were destined to keep crossing whether it was in a city as big as New York or a bar as small as this. Her eyes met mine and the band started playing again with perfect timing. I knew the sound her sudden, delighted laugh would have made, even though I was nowhere near, and how the lingering smile she sent my way was full of shared amusement at the cinematic coincidence.
