Chapter Sixteen
Lisa couldn’t believe she was getting up at such an ungodly hour to go to church. Let alone that she was going to church with a dog. She had FaceTimed her parents the night before and, after her dad had stopped laughing about it, he had reminded her to take along business cards and to wear her logo-emblazoned work T-shirt. It felt a bit odd fronting up at churchwith business in mind, but as they pulled up outside there was no doubting it looked like an opportunity to tout for business. Even with just a glance across the green in front of the church, Lisa could see eleven dogs, three rabbits and a lamb! Add to that whatever was skulking in the many pet carriers she could see, and it all made for a captive audience of potential clients.
‘All setthen?’ Lisa grinned at Winnie.
‘Thank you for this, my lovely. Me and my Stan used to bring him as a pup. We haven’t been for a few years now. Thought I might never get to bring him again.’
Lisa swallowed. Coming along was such a small gesture on her part and yet it meant so much to Winnie; it appeared to stir up warm memories for her. Lisa wished for Winnie’s sake that her grandsonhad made it too. She wondered if she was disappointed he wasn’t there.
‘Of course, when we bought Jack before, he tiddled on the lectern. We’d best keep the blighter close.’
Lisa giggled. ‘OK, good to know!’
Inside the church was warm, bustling and noisy. It was bizarre to see so many animals gathered together in such an unusual setting. It made for a welcoming atmosphere,though, and a very colourful congregation. Unable to sit still, the animals all wiggled and fidgeted. Everybody turned as a yap from the back was followed by a growl and audible gasps, and a hasty reshuffle of seats.
Winnie knew many of those assembled. Lisa was pleased to see her in a communal setting. She didn’t like to think of her alone with a grumpy son who rarely called her and agrandson who was too busy to accompany her to such an important event.
‘You remember Jack… yes, such a big lad now. And this is my friend, Lisa,’ Winnie kept saying as another person she knew passed their pew. Lisa felt bad for wearing her ‘pet sitter’ T-shirt and attempted to cross her arms over her chest, making her hold on Jack’s lead rather awkward. She liked being introduced as Winnie’sfriend. Touting for business no longer felt a priority.
As the vicar took to his lectern in readiness to give the service, he tested his microphone. An almighty whistle screeched through the church. All the dogs began to bark and every owner began to work on hushing their precious pet. A good five minutes later order was restored – as much as it was going to be under the circumstances.
‘Welcome, everyone, to this rather special service in which we welcome those with two, four or, as in the case of dear, old Tripod there, three legs into our church.’
Lisa held back a giggle as she caught site of the aged, three-legged cat on the front pew. He seemed to sigh and roll his eyes as if he’d heard the vicar’s attempt at a joke many times before.
‘And no legs!’came a voice from the back.
Everybody swung round to see a small boy swoosh his goldfish into the air, slopping water from what appeared to be a rinsed out mayonnaise jar. His mum turned red as she smiled apologetically and encouraged her son to lower the fish before it sploshed out of the top.
Wriggling from his mum’s grasp he continued, ‘But you should have said no legs too.You can’t forget Fluffy!’
The boy’s mum looked like she might combust with the entire attention of the congregation on her. ‘Fluffy’s the fish. He, umm… well, he wanted a guinea pig.’
The vicar chuckled, good-humouredly, despite the interruptions. ‘Sorry, young man, you are right. I should also have said all those with no legs, like good, old Fluffy the goldfish there, who isalso very welcome to this special service of thanks today.’
Winnie looked at Lisa. ‘There’s always one!’ she blurted in an attempted whisper that was loud enough for everybody to hear.
Lisa looked back and smiled apologetically at the boy’s mum who was still cringing from the whole episode, as the vicar went on.
‘As Saint Francis of Assisi taught us, we are all creaturesof one family…’
Jack settled at Lisa’s feet and she relaxed into listening to the service. It was quite humbling. The vicar spoke of the love between an owner and a pet, and about how losing a pet is often the first loss felt by a child. Lisa looked around at the owners gazing fondly at their furry, and in the case of Fluffy, not-so-furry pets – it was an emotional experience. She thoughtof Jack and how she had become so fond of him over their time together. Looking down to give him a loving smile, her eyes went wide. He was standing proudly before her, with a thoroughly pleased, cross-eyed expression on his face, but in his mouth he was holding Tubby the Yorkshire Terrier, the beloved pet of Winnie’s friend from the pew in front. It was clear that Tubby was coming to no harmin Jack’s soft, retriever jowls, but, nevertheless, it wasn’t acceptable behaviour at any time, let alone at a service blessing all animals, big and small.
Not wanting to draw attention to the situation Lisa coughed and pointed at Jack – his sign to ‘leave it’. Jack ignored the command and tilted his head, causing Tubby to squirm and let out a loud echoing yap. Before Lisa could respondthe little boy she had found so sweet with Fluffy the goldfish, screamed and pointed in their direction. Giving up on trying to be discreet Lisa shouted the command, ‘Leave it!’ At which point the woman in the pew in front turned and saw her beloved Tubby being released from Jack’s hold in a pool of drool.
‘Oh, you cheeky boy, now’s not the time to play,’ Lisa bluffed, patting Jack andscooping an extremely soggy Tubby off the floor. As she lifted him to pass to his horrified owner a blob of Jack’s slobber slipped from his back to the floor with a squelch. Lisa attempted a smile and motioned for the vicar to continue in the hope to distract the congregation who were staring aghast at the whole scene. Even the animals who had spent most of the service being thoroughly animated seemedto stop and stare. ‘Nothing to see here,’ she continued with mock nonchalance, waving her arms round more animatedly, revealing her pet sitter T-shirt, and deciding never to take her dad’s business advice ever again.
‘My poor Tubbywubby!’ The woman in the pew in front cooed at her violated, precious pooch.
‘No harm done, Maureen, my lovely. Here take this.’ Winnie shook out a launderedhandkerchief and passed it to Tubby’s owner. ‘Tubby will be right as rain when he dries off.’
In an attempt to restore order the vicar continued, reminding everybody of his central theme of love to all – no matter what their size or species.
Winnie leaned across to Lisa, gestured to Tubby and whispered, ‘He’s like a rat that one!’
‘Shhhh,’ Lisa urged.
‘Snappy littlewot-not!’
