Chapter Twenty-Seven
As they got off the float before it pulled into the final road, where it would park up, Lisa and Nathan started to head across the green, towards the beach and bonfire.
Nathan took her hand. ‘So we don’t lose each other.’ He smiled, moving them through the crowd.
Part of her, somewhere now buried deep inside, knew she should let go. Thatthe dizzy feeling she was experiencing from his touch was induced by the wine, the magic of the darkened sky, the bonfire beginning to take hold as more and more torches were thrown onto it, and the anticipation of the fireworks to come. She was no longer a teenager, but in that moment she felt like one and she wanted to hang on to that carefree feeling; her wanton emotions inside overriding allother sensible thoughts. She knew she was letting herself be swept along with it, but decided, just for tonight, not to overthink it.
She had spent a long time overthinking her behaviour, worrying what Ben’s reaction might be to the things she said or did. Constantly modifying her interaction with others for fear of upsetting him. His overprotective manner had been sexy at first, she likedthe fact he wanted her all to himself. Friends, had told her how lucky she was – that it was all veryFifty Shades– and they wished their partners could be half as bothered as Ben was to be jealous of others.
But it’s not sexy when you’re living on a tightrope, never knowing when you might inadvertently slip. Or when the hand on your arm in a club, at first protective, squeezes a bittoo tightly to let you know you’ve somehow overstepped a mark when your thank you to the bartender inspires a wink. And it’s not sexy when that jealousy becomes an obsession. When it becomes easier to comply and not spend time with work colleagues, old friends and family than it does to risk the unpredictable response on your return.
Now she had some distance from it, Lisa knew Ben’s insecuritieshad pressed on her for too long; she had allowed him to make decisions about her time, her relationships with others and what was right for her. Complying made him happy and when Ben was happy they got along better. She believed him when he said it was because he knew best – until she lost Pip. Only losing her baby had made her see how warped their relationship had become. It wasn’t ‘forthe best’ if it stayed just the two of them, not when that came at the price of losing their little Pip. She couldn’t and wouldn’t accept Ben’s take on that as her own. That realisation had sliced through his nasty, bullshit façade for her once and for all.
Lisa knew she deserved some fun. It had been so long since she had let herself go. And maybe, because of the feelings she still hadfor him, Nathan was the wrong person to do that with. But the thought of just going with it, seeing where it might lead, was so very tempting. And she was very much liking the feeling of Nathan Baker pressed up behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist for warmth, as the two of them took their place near the bonfire.
Together they watched as the flames from the torches, which had beenthrown on to start the bonfire, grew in strength, devouring the offerings left over the passing weeks with an intense greed. The heat spread into the crowd, causing them to edge further back. Lisa looked up at Nathan’s flushed cheeks and knew they mirrored her own. Her toes felt the cold ground biting at them while the rest of her felt warm, her senses enlivened from the heat and Nathan’s proximity.The crowd spread across the green and the seafront just beyond, lost to darkness. Some children in pushchairs had succumbed to sleep despite the spectacle and noise, while others, still fuelled by enthusiasm, sat on their parents’ shoulders still keenly waving glow sticks. Families further back, taking better positions to see the fireworks, huddled together against the cold, not feeling thebenefit of the bonfire. Everyone seemed to move in shadows, silhouetted by the flames. Lisa saw young lovers holding hands and kissing, reminding her of herself and Nathan in the past. What decisions lay ahead for them? What would shape their futures? The figures moved before them like the ghosts of their past.
Returning her attention to the fire, Lisa watched mesmerised as the brightorange flames leapt and danced triumphantly from the top of the pyre, roaring in the wake of their victory. She remembered again the words on the back of the float, ‘Supporting those who run in when others are running to safety’, and drew Nathan’s arms a little closer around her; a move that made him lean down and ask if she was OK. Lisa felt the brush of his stubble against her cheek and felt goosebumpsripple down her side, despite the increasing heat.
The first firework sent a plume of bright lights into the night sky and a bang ricocheting off the nearby buildings. It made Lisa jump and laugh in equal measure. She listened for the thud of the next rocket being launched and looked skyward when it came, watching the smoke trail as the rocket wound its way ever higher before burstinginto an array of bright sparks cascading earthward. She was surprised that there were no ‘oohs’ and ‘ahs’ of appreciation, as there had been when she was younger. Instead, people had their mobile phones held high videoing and taking pictures – their enjoyment to be shared virtually via social media as opposed to in the moment with those around them. Traffic light fireworks popped and twirled intothe sky – green, red and yellow – before a fizz of white lights burst into the air dissipating into smoke. Another thud signalled a rocket being launched moments before it burst spectacularly into a plume of gold stars.
Unable to help herself, or contain her enjoyment of the fireworks, Lisa made ‘ooh’ and ‘ah’ noises, just like her dad had done when she was younger. Making Nathan smileshe continued, aware he was watching her more than the display. When she could ignore his gaze no longer, she turned to him, allowing her eyes to meet his. She bit her lip unsure of her next move, but as her eyes moved to his lips she couldn’t hold back and leaned up to kiss him, her hand slipped into the back of his hair and his arms drew her in closer, until she was pressed against him.
Warm and tender at first, they eased into rediscovering each other’s mouths. Lisa welcomed the need she could feel in Nathan’s touch and the longing that spread through her as she responded to his every move. Everything around them became insignificant. Lisa was lost in the kiss and the moment.
When they finally paused for breath, Lisa felt herself wanting more. Nathan leaned downand whispered into her ear, but as the fireworks were building into an ever-increasing crescendo she couldn’t hear him properly. So when he repeated the words, ‘I should get you home,’ even louder for her, she had to fight the disappointment that gripped her. The sudden feeling of being so utterly stupid to have let her emotions get the better of her made her want to run away.
Withouteven bothering to point out that she hadn’t yet seen the ‘goodnight’ sign, the bit she would have resolutely made her dad wait for, Lisa followed Nathan solemnly through the crowd. The fireworks still lit up the night sky in flashes of colour, but, for her, they had lost some of their sparkle. She was a fool. She wasn’t a teenager any more. She and Nathan had history, a history that could not be overcomeby a kiss – even a very good kiss, or two – and he had seen sense and realised that, even if she hadn’t.
As they emerged from the crowd and cut across the dark tennis courts opposite the beach, they reached the terrace of tall, Edwardian houses that lined the seafront, Lisa ran the evening back through her mind. It had all seemed to be going so well. She had felt so happy. It sounded silly,but feeling genuinely happy hadn’t been her natural state for some time. The noise of the fireworks continued to echo off the face of the buildings, but now, for Lisa, the sound seemed hollow. She sighed, wishing she’d stuck to her trusty friends, Simon Cowell andThe X FactorandStrictlygang.
Nathan paused and Lisa looked at him.
‘So, this is it,’ Nathan said, his breath risinglike ethereal plumes into the cold night air.
She could see the hint of nerves reflected in his expression as she watched him. She held her breath, preparing herself for Nathan’s words. Would he remind her they were just friends? Was this to be their last goodbye?
‘Mine’s at the top.’
‘What?’ Well, that was not what she was expecting. Lisa looked at him, puzzled.
‘My place. We can have a drink and watch the end of the fireworks from there.’ Nathan looked up to the furthest windows at the top of the building.
Lisa swallowed.Oh!She bit her lip and held back the giggle that wanted to burst free and betray how relieved and suddenly nervous she felt. She had not wanted the evening to end so abruptly and, if she were honest, being in Nathan’s companyand back in his arms, had felt so right. But this, this was something else, wasn’t it? Was it genuinely an offer of a drink and watching the fireworks, or was it more?Isn’t it always more? But how much does Nathan want? What if it is just one night? Can I handle that?With her mind about to overthink everything, Lisa reminded herself that tonight was about having some fun. She needed to havesome fun. It had been a very long time.
‘OK.’
With her mind trying to keep up with the fact that she would soon be in Nathan’s flat, Lisa followed him up the stone front steps of the building. He unlocked the door and a light came on to reveal a communal hallway. It was tidy and clean. Lisa thought her mum would approve, then squirmed and attempted to push all thoughts of her mumout of her mind. She did not want to be thinking of her right now. The intricately patterned tiles on the floor looked original, as did the slightly wonky staircase and wooden banister. Glancing at herself in the large mirror to their left, Lisa took off her hat and put her fingers through her hair; her nose and cheeks were glowing from the cold. The evening air had brought a sparkle to her blueeyes; she barely recognised herself.
Nathan gestured for Lisa to lead the way up the stairs. As they made their way further upward, she wished she had worn a longer jacket to cover her bottom. She knew it wasn’t overly big, but nevertheless it was hardly something you wanted someone staring at for four flights of stairs.
‘The top, really?’ Lisa breathed heavily, hoping Nathan wouldn’tnotice how unfit she sounded.
‘The penthouse!’ Nathan declared.
Lisa laughed, but decided to save her breath for fear she may pass out before she got to the top. Walking she could do, even at the frenetic pace of some of her more enthusiastic clients, but climbing several flights of stairs with her heart pounding inextricably fast felt a challenge.
When they finally reachedNathan’s door, Lisa took a breath and realised how nervous she felt. This really would be entering the adult world of Nathan Baker. She wasn’t quite sure what to expect, not the basketball hoop on the back of the door, the high bed with sofa underneath, the blue duvet cover with red zigzags on it or the picture of the tennis player showing her bottom, which had annoyed her when they were younger,when Nathan lived in his parents’ house. This was his home.
