‘Yes, Ben said—’
‘Ben?’
‘I’m sorry, Lisa, but I knew you were holding something back, so I called him a few times to check you were OK.’
‘He never said.’
‘He said you… well, he said you had been seeing someone else and that you two were trying to work things out. That’s why we didn’t come to see you at Easter; we thought you neededtime. Then when you called to say you wanted to come home, I assumed working things out hadn’t gone so well.’
Lisa was shocked. ‘Mum, I never… that’s not what it was.’ Lisa broke down. It was all too much. She told her mum about her relationship with Ben and losing Pip. Her mum listened and cried with her. When Luke blustered into the kitchen in search of food she shooed him away.
‘Lisa, I can’t believe how much you’ve been through. Why didn’t you say? You and Luke, you can tell me anything, you know. I am here for you. Things are important. God knows I love this place and the life we have now, but, Lisa, none of it matters without family. Having you both here with us, it makes it all perfect. You, your dad and Luke have always been my world.’
Lisa almost ventureda joke about a tidy house being her mum’s world, but realised it wasn’t the time. Instead she hugged her mum. ‘I love you, Mum.’
‘I love you too, darling. Now,’ she wiped her eyes on her apron and took a deep breath, ‘is there anything else you want to tell me?’
Lisa sighed. ‘No, I think that is everything. Unless you mean about Luke?’
‘No,’ Lisa’s mum rubbed her back,‘he’ll tell me about his tattoo when he’s ready.’
Lisa burst out giggling and turned to face her. ‘You know?’
‘Of course I do. He’s always been terrible at hiding things… Unlike his big sister.’
‘I’m not hiding anything, no more secrets here,’ Lisa affirmed.
‘So, no blast from the past, as they say, that I might need to know about?’
‘I told you Felicityand I are friends again.’
‘And there’s nobody else you want to mention?’ Lisa’s mum looked directly at her.
Lisa’s cheeks coloured.Oh!
‘Only now you’re back, I wondered… I mean, I know I influenced you, telling you not to get too involved too young.’
Lisa recalled her mum and MrsF frequently telling her and Flick that they shouldn’t settle down too soon, ‘There’sa whole world waiting for you Lisa’, her mum had frequently said, they were even her parting words on the night of her prom.
‘But I’ve often wondered, if I hadn’t pushed you—’
‘Ah, Mum. When Nathan proposed, it was me who said no.’
‘Yes but—’
Lisa touched her mum’s hand. ‘I was eighteen. I made my own choices. I’m not sure they were all the right choices, but lookat the things I have seen and done. And if I hadn’t gone away I would probably have “what ifs” of a different sort.’
‘And do you, have “what ifs” now? I mean about Nathan?’
Lisa looked into her mum’s eyes. ‘Honestly?’
Her mum nodded.
‘All the bloody time.’
‘Oh Lisa love…’ Her mum pulled her into her arms.
When they broke their hug Lisa blew hernose and wiped her blotchy face.
