Chapter Four
Of all the days for Pete to be able to be around for the school and nursery run, Felicity couldn’t believe it was the day she planned to root around in her cupboard for a pregnancy test. She was sure she had one in there somewhere, and if Pete had left at his usual time, she could have got it done first thing. Having been awake for most of the night, her mind was completely distracted.
Megan had managed to secure a chocolate biscuit and a Smarties yoghurt in her lunch by asking when Felicity wasn’t paying attention – a sugar overload no-no on any normal day – and Callum had almost got away with taking his new Spiderman web slingers in his bag before she came to her senses. Not only had she recently purchased the refill can of ridiculously overpriced silly string, but shecould imagine the call from the school after he had caused classroom chaos with it.
Stay focused on the children, Felicity!She knew they had a knack of knowing when her guard was down, so long as she could focus on getting them all out of the door, then she could take the test and rid her mind of the ridiculous thoughts of being pregnant.Pregnant.She really didn’t want to be pregnant.No. Don’t let your mind go there. Focus on the children!
‘So is that OK, then? Only I thought it would be an issue, but if you’re good with it, that’ll be great.’ Pete looked at Felicity expectantly.
Good with what?‘Umm.’
‘Mummy, my zip’s stuck.’
Felicity turned her attention to Callum, who was standing before her with the two halves of the front of his coat connected at jauntyangles. ‘Oh, Pumpkin, what have you done?’ She tugged and wiggled at the zip, attempting to extract the lining firmly jammed in it.
‘I did my shoes, Mummy. Mummy, my shoes!’ Fred ran in from the hallway and wiggled his feet at Felicity.
‘Wow! What a clever boy.’ Felicity gave Fred a high-five, not having the heart to tell him his shoes were on the wrong feet, not when he’d actually founda matching pair and got them on without being asked. That was progress.
Pete glanced at Fred’s feet, cocked his head and looked at Felicity quizzically.
Felicity shrugged. ‘He’ll be taking them off when he gets to nursery.’ They could start working on which shoe went on which foot tomorrow. With a final tug, the lining came free from Callum’s zip and Felicity stood up. ‘Ta-dah!’
‘Arewe done?’
‘You’re missing one.’
Pete bellowed for Alice, whose footsteps were heard running from her room in response.
Having assembled all the children at the door, completed a final coat and bag check and given Felicity a kiss and an unexpected wink, Pete and all of the children left the house. As she watched the car leave the driveway, Felicity breathed a sigh. The house felt stilland silent. It looked like the Tasmanian Devil had spun through it, but the peace was welcome. She went to the kitchen, drank a glass of water and tidied the breakfast things into the dishwasher. Now the opportunity was hers to take, she was hesitant about going upstairs and doing the test. Not knowing was filling her mind with fears, but knowing … what would she do if the test were positive?She put the kettle on, attempting to push the fears away.Pete has had a vasectomy, for goodness’ sake.Is it even possible to get pregnant after your husband’s had a vasectomy?
She picked up her phone and decided to Google it. The wisdom of Dr Google was normally something she tried to avoid. But this was statistical; there had to be facts. Facts based on sound evidence; facts that coulddispel her fears. She typed‘Pregnancy after vasectomy’. The initial result was reassuring, stating that having a vasectomy was one of the best ways to prevent pregnancy. Felicity got a mug from the cupboard while still scrolling. Clicking a link that asked if vasectomy was one hundred per cent safe, Felicity’s eyes went wide as she read,‘Only total abstinence is one hundred per cent effective.While rare, it has been known for sperm to travel across the void between the two blocked ends of the vas deferens. While the failure rate of vasectomy is very low, the possibility of becoming pregnant is there.’
‘What the f—’
Her phone rang as she held it in her hand, making her jump. It was Lisa; Felicity decided not to answer. If she spoke to her, Lisa would know something was wrong,and Flick wasn’t sure she would be able to avoid blurting out the thing utmost in her mind. While she had sent Lisa a text in her turmoil the day before, hoping to chat, she had soon realised it would be thoughtless to share her fears with her. How could she expect Lisa to understand that being pregnant would be the last thing she would want right now; that four babies was plenty? Two girls andtwo boys, their different personalities and cheeky ways meaning she had experienced all that bringing up a baby could offer. She did not need to do it again. Her desire to have babies had gone – she loved her children very much, but another? Could she love it too? How could she share those fears with anyone else when she hated herself for letting them enter her mind? She left her phone on the kitchenside next to the hot kettle and empty mug and went upstairs.
Felicity rummaged in the bottom of her wardrobe. She was sure she had a pregnancy test in there somewhere. She found a bag containing a pile of clothes she intended to take to the charity shop. There was also some old, now slightly squashed sandals and two cushions she used to put on the bed until she realised life was too shortto spend it taking decorative cushions on and off the bed. She swept her hand around the back of a box of photographs and didn’t stop to look at Fred’s birth cards, still in a gift bag where she had stored them, waiting for her to put them away in his memory chest.
‘Aha!’ She felt a cardboard box and pulled it free. Sure enough, it was a pregnancy test, the own-brand variety, but it woulddo the job.Bugger!It was out of date. She knew it must be around three years old. She had purchased a two-pack when she was pregnant with Fred so she would have one ready in case she had done the first too early. She hadn’t needed the second test. The positive line had shown clearly in the window. Fred had been a surprise, but with Pete on the waiting list for his vasectomy at the time, it seemedas if it was meant to be; a brother for Callum before it was too late.
Determined to give the test a try despite it being out of date, Felicity went to the bathroom, opened the packet and read the instructions. She looked at herself in the mirror.Please be negative.She took off her watch so she could time it accurately. Crouched over the toilet, she readied herself. Hearing the front dooropen, her heart leapt and she almost dropped the test.
‘Flick!’
Oh God! Oh no!
‘Flick, you upstairs?’
Felicity heard Pete running up the stairs and glanced to check she had locked the door.
‘Yes. Won’t be long. I wasn’t expecting you back.’
‘I know, I thought I’d surprise you.’
Felicity stood, knickers and jeans at her ankles, bottom hovering above the toilet, and pregnancytest poised at the ready with her unknowing husband at the door. ‘I just need a minute.’ She looked again at the instructions resting on the bin and turned them over.A minute? Two minutes? Arghhh, which was it?‘Kids go in OK?’ She tried to keep her voice even.
‘All good, and thanks to a mix-up with that decking delivery I’m waiting on, I can’t start work until eleven.’
