“I figured we could do the ones off Bluemound Road first,” he answers as we pass Chief Sanders’ office, and I don’t let myself glance to see if he’s in there.
It would be a lie if I said I’mnotavoiding him today.
I know he’s going to remind me about the mandatory therapy sessions I agreed to, and I’d rather put off that conversation as long as possible. I’m technically cleared for calls, having convinced him that I was okay. But I know I’m on a tight leash—not only am I required to start these sessions, but the chief already warned me that if anything happens, he’s filing a FFDE—a “Fit for Duty” Evaluation.
I’m also well-aware that anything that happens today is fair game for Anderson to share with him, so I’m glad it’s been such an uneventful day.
There’s no telling what would happen if we had to suit up right now and run into a fire—the last time I did that, I lost my best friend.
CHAPTER 12
RUMI
“You’resure you want to go to swim class tonight?” I ask Ava as she throws Evee’s diaper bag over her shoulder. “I really don’t mind taking her.”
Ava rolls her eyes ignoring me as she takes Evee from my arms, her smile big and bright ever since I put her in her swimsuit.
Swim lessons are something I started with my daughter as early as I could.
Mariah, my therapist, offered the idea as a way to focus on something for her safety that I could control to help with my postpartum anxiety—I was constantly spiraling about all the different ways she could get hurt, ranging from being allergic to something I fed her to being stolen right out of her stroller by an over-sized bird.
We also had plenty of sessions discussing rational and irrational thinking when it comes to Evee’s safety after that.
“Maybe if you would’ve called me when Reagan didn’t show up to her shift, I would believe you,” Ava scolds, and now I’m the one rolling my eyes. “This whole time, I thought you were at the gym and then the mall like youtoldme you’d be until it was time for Evee’s swim class. Not working a whole other shift.”
I heard from Ava on our way home from Lenny’s last night that Reagan told Luke and Annie she found another job. They asked if she could finish out her shifts this week, and she agreed, but then she no-called, no-showed today leaving me to work open to close.
“I didn’t want to bother you,” I argue, knowing it’s a poor excuse for not calling her to let her know Reagan didn’t show up, but I didn’t want to call with news that I knew would make Ava upset.
“I know what you’re thinking, dummy,” she says, leaning into a hip as she holds Evee against her. “It’s written all over your face.”
She’s in jean shorts and a hoodie, her swimsuit underneath for when she gets in the pool with Evee for class. Her auburn hair is tied up in a messy bun, her freckles even more prominent on her cheeks after being out in the sun with Evee at the park today.
I cross my arms, still in my black apron, my white long sleeves stained with various brown stains from a solo twelve-hour day.
“You didn’t want to piss me off,” she starts, and I open my mouth to say something, but she continues, “even though I would’ve been pissed at the situation—and Reagan—but not at you.”
My mouth shuts, and I hate how she’s basically learned to read my mind in the last year and a half.
“Remember what we talked about yesterday? You need time for you, and you need to prioritize it,” she says, raising a brow at me.
“I had a whole day to myself. You were the one with Evee.” I don’t mean for the words to come out as a whine, but my voice raises one too many octaves to sound like my normal cadence.
Ava lifts Evee higher on her hip. “You know that’s not what I mean.”
I let out a sigh. “I do things for myself,” I argue, but part of me sees where Ava is coming from. Even though I don’t get many nights to myself, I think I do a good job of balancing being a mom and still beingme.
I’m ready to explain that to Ava, but she beats me to it. “And staying up late after Evee is asleep to read your vampire smut books is not enough.”
“They’re called paranormal romance.”
Ava lets out a sigh. “Whatever they’re called, they’re not enough.”
“So what am I supposed to do for the two hours you’re gone?” I ask her, watching as Evee plays with the drawstrings of Ava’s hoodie.
“Whatever you want,” Ava answers. “That’s the whole point. You can literally do whatever you want and not have to worry about Evee, or me, or work.”
I tuck the pieces that came free from my braid behind my ears before crossing my arms over my chest. I contemplate her words, my lips curving into a small smile.
