‘Why do you disagree?’ Gloria asks.
Felix glances at Jade and then back at me. He takes a deep breath. Why do I get the feeling he’s about to say something big? He opens his mouth and then closes it again. ‘I just do – okay?’ he snaps and turns to look at the window. Jade taps him on the shoulder and gestures for him to stroke Baxter.
Gloria nudges me. ‘Is the bit about you being sad without Rory in your life true?’
The urge to lie and tell Gloria that Felix has a vivid imagination is strong. Words are queuing up on my tongue, but I can’t force them out. This is so frustrating.
She takes my silence as her answer. ‘You still love him – don’t you?’
‘I’m trying not to love him, Gloria. It’s a really tough thing to do – trying to stop loving someone – but I will get there.’
‘Were you happy when you were together… I mean before this woman came along, and Rory was not acting like he was on some permanent Club 18–30 holiday?’
Hundreds of happy memories which have been locked up at the back of my mind shoot out and race to the front of my mind. ‘It was amazing,’ I say, softly. ‘He was perfect in so many ways. He knew how to make me laugh, he encouraged me to chase my dreams, he was the perfect nurse when I got sick, and he adored Vivi and Felix.’
‘Do you think this new girlfriend could be long-term?’
I shrug and rub my chest. ‘Probably, Gloria. She looks amazing and will suit his party lifestyle.’
Gloria taps my hand. ‘If you and Rory are meant to be, mark my words, fate will play a hand.’
Out of the corner of my eye I can see Jade tapping Felix on the shoulder and whispering, ‘Do it, do it, do it.’
Felix, Baxter, and I are sat in a trendy London café just off Oxford Street. It’s mid-morning and Felix and I are sipping hot chocolates topped with fluffy white cream. I managed to persuade him to come to Oxford Street with me first before going to St Pancras. Baxter is curled up on Felix’s lap. Being carried the whole morning has clearly been exhausting.
Oxford Street was heaving with excited Christmas shoppers. I had to get keep a tight hold of Felix, who was clutching Baxter. Felix kept asking me when we could go to London St Pancras and didn’t seem bothered with seeing Oxford Street.
I’ve decided we need some refreshments. I’m also hoping to quiz him about what happened on the train earlier. As we walked along Oxford Street all I could think about was what Felix had been showing Jade on my iPad and what he was going to say about Rory when he stopped so abruptly.
‘What were you talking to Jade about on the train?’
Felix casts me a strange look and shuffles about in his chair. ‘Stuff.’
‘Stuff – can you elaborate?’
He shakes his head. ‘We talked about stuff. It wasn’t anything interesting.’
‘Well, you both looked engrossed in this… stuff.’
Felix runs a hand through his spiky hair. ‘She was nice. I am going to email her.’
My defences rise. Hehasan email account. I didn’t know this. Does it have security on it? Who does he email? ‘You have an email account? Did your mum know about this?’
Something flickers across Felix’s face. ‘Yes – why?’
‘Well, you are only nine and I’m not sure what age children are supposed to have email accounts. How do you access the email account?’
Felix squirms in his seat. ‘You’re not seeing my email account.’
I can feel my neck and shoulders stiffening. He could be emailing anyone and more worrying anyone could be emailing him. My heart has started to thump. ‘Why not?’
‘Aunty Emily,’ he whines. ‘It’s my email account. Please let me keep it.’
Leaning across the table I hiss, ‘I want to see it, Felix. It’s for your own safety.’
His hazel eyes flash with anger. ‘I HATE YOU,’ he snaps, slamming his hot chocolate down so hard it slops out of the mug and makes a mess of the table. A wave of emotion is building inside of me.
‘Please stop saying you hate me, Felix, it doesn’t make me feel nice. I am trying to help you and keep you safe.’
