All I can see are fast moving bodies, luggage being dragged across the station floor and faces of festive glee. ‘FELIX,’ I shout again. Perhaps he’s gone to buy some sweets?
Do I stay here in case he returns?
Okay, I need to calm down. Kids wander off all the time. Vivi was always doing that to me in sweet shops when we were little. I need to give him a few minutes to return and act like nothing was wrong. Where is he?
On legs like jelly I stand and look around once more.
Tears prick my eyes. I just hope he hasn’t been taken away by some horrible person. My breathing has quickened. That last thought has not done my rocketing blood pressure any favours. A cold sweat is breaking out all over my body. Oh, God, what have I done? I took my eye off him for two minutes and now he’s missing.
I stare down at Baxter who is in my arms, expecting him to be asleep or interested in staring at a wrapper on the floor, but he’s gazing up at me with huge, sad eyes. Something inside me shifts. In the matter of a few tense seconds, he’s not the irritating little dog who hates me and spends his life chewing up my favourite slippers, he’s a tiny, frightened dog who can sense my fear and doesn’t know where his owner is. I hold him close to my chest and find myself pressing my chin to his little furry head. ‘It’s okay, Baxter, we’re going to find Felix.’
He licks my chin with so much affection I can’t stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. Looking up and blinking away my tears I scan the vicinity for Felix. ‘FELIX.’
Baxter stares up at me. My heart is hammering away in my chest. I must do something. ‘Let’s find the police.’
We race in the direction of two police officers talking to an emotional couple. I want to interrupt them and scream, ‘MY NEPHEW HAS GONE MISSING’ but the woman is upset about something. Tears are streaming down her face and she’s struggling to get her breath. The man is telling her everything will be all right. One officer is talking into his radio and the other is frantically looking around.
I turn back to where Baxter and I were sitting to see if Felix has returned – the seats are empty. Felix – where are you?
Vivi – I hope you’re not looking down from heaven right now. My poor sister will be beside herself. I remember her warning me when Felix was younger that given half a chance Felix would be off to make his own way in the world. There was the time she was sat in the park, and he disappeared. She found him ten minutes later wading into the park lake as he wanted to swim with the fish. A memory from one of our holidays to Tenby pops up in my mind. Felix ran away on the beach, and we spent a panic-inducing half hour searching for him. We found him at an ice cream van buying himself two large cones.
For goodness’ sake, I need to talk to these police officers. Felix could be anywhere right now. I can hear the couple talking about someone called Jack who is also lost. The man is describing Jack who is nine and is wearing a bright yellow scarf. The urge to interrupt them is strong. Felix is also missing. Maybe Jack and Felix are hanging out together? The nausea in my tummy is getting worse. I think I might throw up with worry. The female police officer is telling both parents that it is common for young children to get distracted and wander off. In most cases they are found safe and well.
My phone is vibrating away in my handbag. Oh, God, who is that? I nearly ignore it in my anxiety to speak to the police, but then realise it could be Felix calling me to say he’s hurt or lost. With a shaking hand I hold Baxter and with the other rummage in my handbag. To my relief it’s Felix calling me from Vivi’s old mobile. I answer and shout ‘OH, GOD, WHERE ARE YOU?’
The station starts to rotate before my eyes as I hear his voice. ‘Aunty Emily, I’m on the train to Leeds. It’s due to leave King’s Cross station in ten minutes.’
An angry roar rockets out of my mouth. ‘WHAT?’
‘I am on the train to Leeds. I was going to get Rory for you but now I am scared.’
Before he can say another word, I’m running in the direction of King’s Cross. Holding Baxter tight I race towards the station exit.
‘This was supposed to be your Christmas present from me.’
I can’t find the words. Shock, anger, frustration, and exasperation have joined forces in my gut and are now rocketing up towards my throat.
‘Can you hear me, Aunty Emily?’ Felix asks.
I can see Kings Cross. ‘DO NOT BOARD THAT TRAIN’ I gasp picking up speed.
‘I’m on the train. It’s going at quarter past. I am frightened. If I get off the train, I won’t find Rory.’ Felix hangs up and a red rage filter slides over my eyes. What the hell does he think he’s playing at?
At the platform barrier a guard stops me and demands a ticket. With an angry yelp I race to the ticket machine, push a young lad out of the way and without thinking buy an expensive return to Leeds. I’ll worry about the expense later. Felix’s safety is more important. There’s no time to lose. The Leeds train is going in four minutes.
Racing down the steps and onto the platform I can see the Leeds train. Screaming at the female guard who is closing the doors I bound down three steps and charge to the train. She opens the door just in time, so I leap onto the train.
With a heaving chest and a panting Baxter, I bend over and get my breath. The train doors slam shut followed by a whistle sound. As I compose myself, the train crawls out of the station. Now I am praying Felix is on this train and not still at King’s Cross. My bowels loosen at the thought. Beads of sweat are rolling down my face and dropping onto Baxter’s outstretched tongue. It seems he enjoys licking a salty tear or two.
Carrying Baxter, I start my search for Felix. Please, please, please be on this train.
Barging through the carriages I stop and search each train seat.
I’ve looked through all eight carriages. There is no sign of Felix. He’s not answering his phone either.
All hope inside of me has evaporated. Felix must be on a different train or back at the station. I dare not think what Vivi must be thinking if she’s looking down from heaven at me. I wonder if I pulled the emergency button – would they stop the train and get me back to Kings Cross? I strongly doubt it. What the hell am I going to do?
Baxter whimpers and presses himself into my neck. I hold him close. His little dog heart is hammering away. My own heart aches so much I’m struggling to get my breath. ‘It’s going to be all right, Baxter, I will find Felix,’ I gasp.
