The face of Felix’s sensible friend, Sai, appears in my mind. ‘I bet Sai didn’t think it was cool.’ Out of all of Felix’s friends Sai is the sensible one. Amelie is obsessed with wanting to be a superhero and will do anything to make this happen. Ronnie is daft a lot of the time and Sai is the one who thinks deeply about actions and consequences.
Felix shakes his head. ‘Sai said my plan gave him belly ache when he thought about it.’
Leaning close to Felix I smile and whisper, ‘A little piece of advice – next time when one of these mad plans pings into your head, ask Sai what he thinks.’
Felix rests his head on my shoulder. ‘I missed you, Aunty Emily, when I was on this train alone.’
I wrap my arm around him and pull him close. ‘I love you, Felix.’
He casts me a puzzled look. ‘Do you love me, Aunty Emily?’
Swallowing back my emotion I nod, and his sweet little face goes blurry. ‘I do, very much.’
Looking around I wonder whether there is a screen which shows me what the next station will be. We can get off and catch a train back to London. I can’t see one.
‘Felix, do you know where this train stops at next?’
He coughs and mutters, ‘Leeds.’
‘Leeds?’ I say with alarm, staring at the snow-covered countryside speeding past the window.
He nods. ‘It’s a direct train from London to Leeds – nonstop.’
My groan is loud and heard by people several rows back. ‘We are actually going to Leeds. Have you bought a ticket?’ I ask.
He nods and hangs his head. ‘I bought it yesterday. I used your credit card.’
‘What?’
Blimey – after six months in my care my nephew has turned into a fraudster. Nice work, Emily.
A loud sob comes out of his mouth. ‘I just wanted to get Rory back. He’ll make everything better again.’
‘Oh, Felix,’ I say as my eyes start to bubble with tears. He’s gone to all this trouble because he wants Rory. Felix buries his head in my coat and lets out a loud sob.
‘I miss him so much, Aunty Emily.’
I can’t help thinking that Rory has moved on with his life and all there will be waiting for us in Leeds will be an awkward looking Rory and a half-naked Beth. While standing in his flat doorway I will notice the floor covered in flower petals and her cheeks will be bright pink after so much sex.
Felix and I need to move on with our lives too. Gently rocking back and forth with an emotional Felix I try to put myself in Felix’s shoes. Six months ago, he lost his mum. I move in as his new guardian. His Aunty Emily who he’s only used to seeing on Saturday nights when I did some babysitting for Vivi or on fun days in the school holidays. As Vivi was my sister I am also grieving. On top of this the way I deal with my grief is to channel everything into my new online fashion business which means I don’t have to deal with hurtful and painful stuff like Felix. I also allow it to take over everything, the living room, and my spare time. Felix’s home has been turned into a clothing factory and the poor kid sometimes can’t find anywhere to sit. I rarely make tea as I am too busy sewing up dresses and I don’t bond with his dog. Guilt and shame grab hold of my tummy and begin to turn it into a painful knot. Added to this is the fact that we both miss Rory – but he has moved on. Why does thinking about this make me feel sick?
‘Felix, I miss Rory too, but he’s got a new life now.’ Pulling him close I nuzzle my face into his hair. ‘We have to make home life better. Felix, I know things between us have been strained and life at home hasn’t been great but I’m going to change that.’
Felix lifts his face. ‘Do you still love me after finding out about your card?’
With a heavy sigh I nod. ‘Yes, I do, Felix.’
A weak smile appears on his thin pink lips. ‘Can we have a normal living room?’
We both giggle like kids and press our foreheads together. ‘Yes, we can, Felix. Let’s leave Rory to get on with his new life.’
Felix pulls away. ‘I am still going to see him. I have his address in Leeds.’
My neck and shoulders stiffen. ‘What?’
He nods. ‘I got it off one of his emails he sent you when he moved up there. I have looked it up on Google Maps and it is not far from the station.’
I let out a heavy sigh. ‘Felix, we can’t just call in and see how Rory’s doing. Beth will be there.’
