I’d not given much thought to my relationship with Rory up until this point. Grieving for Vivi, looking after a devastated Felix, and trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do with my upside-down life had taken up all my head space. At that moment, I decided to bat away her questions, make up an excuse about needing time to clear my head and return to Rory. Those questions echoed in my head until I started to see my boyfriend in a new light. It was like someone had placed a filter over my eyes. Thinking of a future together with Felix felt like I was being cruel to Rory. He loved his commitment-free life, his socialising, his drinks after work, his bike, and his football. I also couldn’t see Rory as the stand-in father either. He did take Felix to watch the football every Saturday, but I think Rory enjoyed it more than Felix. It was clear he wasn’t ready for children.
Lizzie rubs my arm.
‘Rory is not at the settling down stage and that’s fine.’
Lizzie nods. ‘There was his friendship with that Anna woman.’
Anna appears in my mind. Who wouldn’t find Anna gorgeous? She had no emotional baggage and also had some connection with him from the past. ‘She was more suited to him.’
Lizzie gives me a poke in the ribs. ‘You can cut the negative self-talk out. Anna had nothing on you, Emily, she had the personality of a snake, could not be trusted and I don’t know why Rory spent so much time with her.’
‘Well, it hardly matters anymore. She’s in Brighton and he’s in Leeds. And I have to get on with my new life too, I guess.’
‘When did you last hear from Rory?’
Despite the living room looking like a hurricane had brought the dress fitting department fromStrictly Come Dancingand dumped everything on the floor, my eyes swiftly locate Rory’s Christmas card. It’s poking out of my handbag which is under the coffee table. ‘Three weeks ago. He sent me that card.’
Lizzie nods. ‘That was the card where he…’
I finish her sentence. ‘He wanted to know whether I still loved him.’
‘And you replied with…’
It hurts to force the words out. ‘I texted him to say I didn’t love him. It would have been cruel to say anything else.’
Lizzie frowns. I hold my hands up. ‘Rory and I are over. I just need to get him out of my system.’
Lizzie pats my arm. ‘Maybe you should date someone else?’
‘What?’
My best mate smiles. ‘You could date a handsome single father, someone who isn’t having a thirty-something crisis like Rory and wants to be a great dad.’
CHAPTER5
RORY
‘Emily, kiss me, again,’ I say, stroking her leg. ‘I’ve missed you.’ I can’t believe that after weeks of trawling the Leeds city centre bars, I have found my ex-girlfriend.
Why didn’t she tell me she was in Leeds? I’ve had a lot to drink. Fuck – I am very drunk. That last cocktail has not done me any favours. Still, I’m back at her hotel and when I wake up, she’ll be in my arms. I wonder where Felix is tonight. He’s probably back in Brighton at a friend’s house getting excited for Christmas.
Emily’s blurry face comes close to mine. To my dismay she stops undoing my jeans belt, places two hands on my chest and forcibly pushes me away. ‘I’m NOT Emily, I’m Cassie. You are blind drunk – aren’t you?’
I extend my hand. Emily’s playing a joke on me. ‘Come on, let’s go to bed.’
My hand is whacked away. ‘I am not sleeping with you if you can’t get my name right.’
‘Emily, please… we’re back at your hotel.’
I can hear a frustrated yelp. ‘I’M NOT EMILY and we are not at a hotel.’
Staggering to my feet my cocktail-saturated mind picks up on the Northern accent. Emily is not from the North. This is not Emily. She lets out a heavy sigh. ‘For goodness’ sake, why have I brought an idiot home?’
A new voice enters the room. It’s female too. ‘Who is this?’
‘An idiot from a bar in town.’
I lose my balance and topple over to what feels like the sofa again or it could be the hotel bed.
