Pete holds aloft a giggling Lucas. ‘It is time I did more with Lucas. Now that you’re working, Alice, it might be a help for you?’
His announcement makes me a take a step back in surprise. This is unexpected. Ever since Lucas was born Pete’s been more of a hands-off father. I wasn’t in a relationship with Pete when I got pregnant with Lucas. We’d broken up a few years before Lucas arrived. Lucas was the result of a drunken one-night stand after a karaoke night at a pub in town. In our drunken haste we’d forgotten about contraception.
Initially Pete and I tried to make ‘us’ work again for the first year of Lucas’s life, but Pete enjoyed going out too much and I realised I didn’t love him. He took it badly and went to live in London for two years. In that time, he barely saw Lucas. When we lived in Surrey, Pete saw Lucas every few months. Since we’ve moved back, Pete has changed and has Lucas overnight every fortnight, but he’s made it clear that’s his limit.
Tonight Pete has swapped his usual dishevelled T-shirt and faded black jeans for a fitted blue shirt, tucked into fitted beige trousers. It also looks like he’s tamed his wild black curls which have always had a life of their own. ‘I heard you were helping Frankie out at The Little Love Café. How’s it going?’
‘It’s okay,’ I say, taking the armchair opposite while Lucas cuddles up to Pete. ‘A bit of a steep learning curve.’
‘I hear Noah is back.’ Pete’s face has darkened. ‘How is it working with him?’
Loosening my ponytail, I release my hair. ‘Odd.’
Pete ruffles Lucas’s curls. ‘I bet it is after all this time.’
Dad bustles in with a tea towel flung over his shoulder. His face immediately brightens at the sight of Pete. ‘Hello, Pete.’ Dad rushes over to give Pete a warm hug. ‘Good to see you.’ Dad has never recovered from Pete and me splitting up. He has always idolised Pete and in his eyes, Pete can do no wrong. Even when Pete went to London, and we didn’t see him for two years Dad still didn’t have a bad word to say about him.
Pete stands up and grins at Dad. ‘I’m going to do more with Lucas. Take him to school and pick him up.’
Dad’s face breaks into a huge smile as though someone has just told him he’s won the lottery. ‘That’s the best news I have heard all year.’ He drapes his arm across Pete’s shoulders and turns to me. ‘Isn’t this great, Alice?’
Lucas runs to hug Pete and the sight of them all beaming at me tugs on my heartstrings. They all look so happy together and it doesn’t take long before guilt eats away at me.
‘You’ve got a nasty hole in your jogging bottoms,’ observes Pete as we head to the dinner table for tea.
I shrug and sit down.
Dad smiles at me as he puts a plate of sausage and chips in front of me. ‘Isn’t this nice. Us all eating together.’
After Pete leaves, Dad takes me aside. ‘Pete’s a good man, Alice. It would make me the happiest man alive to see you two back together again.’
‘Dad, I don’t want to get back with Pete.’
He touches my arm. ‘Lucas asked me the other day why he has a mummy and a daddy who don’t live in the same house.’
Riddled with guilt, I put Lucas to bed and read him an action hero story. At first, he complains that the hero of the book is not Batman, but I am persistent and eventually he lies back and listens. After I stop him from picking his nose, he points to the main character and tells me, ‘He’s like my daddy.’ Stroking his forehead, I smile as his eyes close, and he gives me a sleepy grin. Silently I apologise for all the disruption I have caused him in his little life, and for not loving his daddy.
CHAPTERTHIRTEEN
Noah smiles at me as he enters the café the next day. ‘Morning, Alice, how was yesterday?’
I give him a weary smile. Lucas woke me at five in the morning to tell me he’d done a wee in the bed and once I was up changing his bedding all hope of returning to my own vanished as he wanted to play with his plastic figures.
We then spent an agonising couple of hours downstairs. Lucas wouldn’t stop climbing over Dad’s sofa, the washing machine broke while washing Lucas’s bedding, Bean did a poo in the kitchen and Dad came downstairs clutching yet more brochures of local houses to rent. They were all on Pete’s housing estate. When I asked him whether he was trying to tell me something, he said they were for a friend. It then took him a good five minutes to force out the words, ‘I love having you and my grandson living with me.’
‘Yesterday was good,’ I say, injecting some optimism into my voice. Noah does not need to know it was another disaster. Grabbing my order pad, I head over to two customers who have entered behind him. It’s a young man and woman. After I take their order, the woman asks me where the toilets are. Once she’s disappeared the man grins at Noah who is loitering at the table opposite. ‘You’re brave. I couldn’t run a café with my girlfriend.’
My response is instant. ‘We’re not together.’
The man looks surprised.
Noah says, ‘We used to go out with each other when we were teenagers but…’
I open my mouth and Noah interrupts me. To my horror he grins at the man and taps me on the shoulder. ‘I moved to Ireland thinking we could still be together, but Alice was having none of it. I was dumped by email a day later.’
My heart has stopped beating. Air is trapped in my throat. What the hell did he just say? I never dumped him by email. His email stopped working two days after he’d been in Ireland which I assumed was due to him moving countries, so I sent him weekly letters instead.
The man casts us both an awkward look and I glare at Noah. Anger is coursing through my veins.
