“I will deal with the future as it unravels,” she said, her voice even, but he saw her tremble. “Until then, ’tis best to focus on you, and your family reunited.”
“I—”
Against the rumble of the wheels she laid her hand over his. He stared at where her fingers pressed against his skin, and unwanted thoughts of their kiss poured through him with a searing heat.
“I know you are upset,” Alesone said, “but can you nae see how fortunate you are?”
He squelched the slide of desire, focused on his being given a second chance. Thomas lifted his gaze to hers and admitted what perplexed him most. “I dinna know why my father has forgiven me.”
The deep lines on her brow softened. “Because you are his son. For him ’tis enough.”
“But—”
“’Tis a gift, one you are blessed to receive.”
Emotion balled in his throat as Thomas stared at the stand of fir they rambled past, unsure how his father could offer compassion when he deserved none. “His decision makes little sense.”
“Mayhap to you, but the duke is a man of wisdom. He understands what is important in life isna his holdings or gold but family.” Her hand gently squeezed his. “I pray during your stay that you find the forgiveness for yourself that your father holds within his heart.”
Doubtful such would ever exist, he glanced toward her.
“Naught is easy,” she continued, her words somber. “There will be anger, theirs, yours, for old hurt and, if bitter words are passed once we arrive, new. But each day you push forward, you strengthen the precious bond between you and your family, one you are blessed to have.”
The vision her words crafted tempted him to believe such a hope existed. “As if ’tis so simple to forget how my reckless behavior destroyed my family?” Thomas hissed.
Hurt darkened her eyes.
Ashamed of his outburst, more so as her advice wasna easily given, he shook his head. “I am sorry.” Like him, Alesone carried the burden of another person’s death. More than anyone else, she understood the silent war he battled, except unlike him, she had nay one left.
“We hurt,” she said, her voice thick with torment, “but instead of focusing on the pain, we remember them with fond memories and with the laughter of times past. Neither do I delude myself in believing that the sadness of losing Grisel willna haunt me. ’Tis the risk of loving someone, a decision I dinna regret. Over time, however difficult to believe now, the sadness will ebb.” She wiped the back of her hand against the tear trickling down her cheek. “Once I move beyond my grief, my guilt, I will be able to smile at the times we shared in life. Until you grow stronger and believe that you deserve your father’s mercy, you can at least give him what he wants—his son.”
Thomas stilled. She was right. After all he’d lost, for the time he remained at Dair Castle, he owed his father that. Thomas gave a curt nod. “For him I will try.” Humbled by this woman who, beyond her own grief, tried to help his, he drew her hand into his. “Nor have I thanked you.”
Tears glittered in her eyes. “I have done naught but offered advice.”
He skimmed his thumb over the softness of her skin, her strength seeping into his battered soul. “You give yourself too little credit.”
“And you,” Alesone said quietly, “dinna give yourself enough.”
Never in his life had he known a lass like her, stubborn, intelligent, and able to make him laugh. What would it be like to have a woman like her in his life? ’Twas easy to imagine waking up next to her each morning, her tendrils of blond hair fluttered against her cheek as she slept. And how those lavender eyes would open, and warm.
With stoic efficiency he smothered the appealing image. Regardless of what she made him feel, of how he wanted her, in the end he would ride off to battle.
Without her.
“What are you thinking of?”
Against the rumble of wagon wheels as the cart bumped over the snow-ridden land, hand trembling, he gently cupped her chin and drew her forward until her eyes flared with awareness. “That you canna become important to me, but,” he whispered, “I fear ’tis too late.”
Chapter Ten
Wagon wheels crunching upon frozen ground melded with the thud of hooves as Alesone stared at Thomas, stunned by his rough claim. From the unsteadiness of his voice, she believed that he didna caution her, but himself.
How in less than a fortnight could she have become important to him? As if with her own growing feelings for him made sense? What he made her need, made her want, defied logic.
The cart bumped over a rock breaking Thomas’s hold. “I…” With a grimace he glanced at the knights riding nearby, then toward his father leading the contingent. “I shouldna have spoken.”
Her entire life stilled as if on a fragile precipice. Had their kiss changed everything for him, too? Would she ever know? Apprehension shot through her, and she asked the question that could fill her with joy or leave her devastated. “Why nae?”
