Elizabeth didn’t know how to respond, for she didn’t entirely understand her own motivations. It was just an idea shehad, a passing curiosity to find out if Mr. Darcy could respect those of all walks of life instead of only those of his status or higher.
“Would it help you be more honest if I told you that I am aware he has already proposed to you once?” Papa asked.
Elizabeth blinked several times before she could overcome her surprise. “Why would he tell you that?” she asked.
Papa chuckled. “Because I asked him if he was planning to propose. It was obvious back at Lockwood that the man was attracted to you, and I thought I saw the beginnings of you returning his affections. So, we had a frank conversation on the subject while I was attempting to deal with your youngest sister.”
“What did he say when you asked him?” asked Elizabeth. For some reason, the subject was making her rather tense.
Her father smiled and shook his head. “I can’t tell you that,” he said, “especially since you still haven’t answered my question.”
Elizabeth sighed. Her father had been much more present and interested in their lives these last few months. Perhaps, it would not be a bad idea to share her thoughts with him. “When he proposed, he told me that one of the things that held him back from asking earlier was the fact that I had both a solicitor and a tradesman in the family. He seemed to think it would be a degradation to be connected to them.
“Since he has been helping you so much, however, my opinion of him has changed quite a bit. I do wonder, though, if that is only because I am seeing him in different society or if it is because he truly has changed. I suppose I wished to see how he reacted to the Gardiners to gauge whether I should continue to associate with the Darcys or cut them out of my life.”
“You are placing a great deal of weight on a single interaction,” said Papa. “Why is this so important?”
Her father’s pointed question was irritating, for it forced Elizabeth to put something in words which she had never allowed to coalesce into a formed thought before. “Because I have begun to think that if that one fault of his were corrected, I might be willing to reconsider his proposal, should he choose to renew his addresses.”
After saying this, Elizabeth looked away from her father, not wishing to see his reaction. She felt her cheeks grow warm with embarrassment.
After several moments of silence, she heard her father say, “I don’t think he will be proposing to you again.”
It wasn’t until that moment that Elizabeth realized how much she had relied on the idea that Mr. Darcy loved her. Waves of emotion crashed through her: regret that she had not been able to accept his love when he offered it, shame that she had somehow lost his love, sadness and longing and a wish to have it back.
Tears stung her eyes, though they were not plentiful enough to fall.
“Do not be too distressed, Lizzy,” said Papa gently. “It is not because he does not care for you. Rather, it is because he knows he has no right to propose to a lady who is so far above him.”
Elizabeth was reminded of one of her earliest conversations with Mrs. Rigby where the lady informed Jane that she would almost certainly have to propose when she found a man she wished to marry.
“What should I do, Papa?” asked Elizabeth.
“Do you love him?” her father asked. “More importantly, do you respect him? Do you trust that he can take care of you as well as you deserve?”
“I think I could love him if I allowed myself to,” said Elizabeth. She remembered the many conversations they had shared after dinner at Lockwood, conversations which always seemed to flow far more easily than with anyone else. “As for respect and trust, those I definitely have. After all he has done to help you and all Georgiana has told me of how he treats her, I am certain he would make an excellent husband.”
“What about status and wealth?” asked Papa. “Though he is related to an earl, you are far higher than he is. Would you wish to marry on such unequal grounds?”
“Honestly, Papa, despite devoting the last four months to spending an enormous amount of money, none of this seems real. I am not Lady Elizabeth, daughter of a duke. I am still just Miss Elizabeth Bennet, daughter of a simple country gentleman. In some ways, I believe that is how I will always see myself. Thus, I am kind of in-between gentry and peerage. Mr. Darcy seems to be perfect in that sense as well. He is right on the border between country gentleman and titled nobleman.”
“Well, then, carry out your little experiment,” said Papa. “See if he can respect those you love. But please don’t rush to any conclusions. You have not yet met any gentlemen who are of similar status to you. I believe you will make a better decision once you have some experience with theton.”
“I do as well,” said Elizabeth. “That is why I had never put all this together even in my mind. I was withholding judgment until I had enough information to make a wise decision. But when Mama suggested inviting the Gardiners to dinner, I simply couldn’t pass up the opportunity to test Mr. Darcy’s true character.”
“Well, I always said you were my least silly daughter,” said Papa with a grin. He stood up and added, “Now, shall we return to the drawing room?”
Elizabeth kissed his cheek and said, “Thank you, Father.”
Chapter 13
Despite how busy Mama was with planning what would surely be the ball of the season, she managed to order a special dinner for her brother and sister. The night of the dinner brought a couple of pleasant surprises for Elizabeth.
When Mama introduced the Gardiners to Mr. Darcy, Mr. Darcy was pleasant and respectful. In fact, by the end of dinner, during which he had sat next to Uncle Gardiner, he was almost cheerful. It warmed Elizabeth to see them getting along so well.
After dinner the family played cards for a few hours. Just before the guests left, as everyone was chatting a bit, Mr. Darcy pulled Elizabeth over to the side.
“Miss Elizabeth, I have something for you,” he said as he pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket, handing it to her.
