When she examined herself, she realized she had gradually been falling in love with the man for months, ever since he arrived at Lockwood.
When she had known him before, both in Hertfordshire and in Kent, they had each been observing the other from distinctly different perspectives. She saw the haughty man who could not be comfortable with anyone he deemed beneath him. He saw the plucky but poor young lady who somehow caught his attention and wouldn’t let it go.
When she saw him again at Lockwood, she looked upon him from a state a confusion. When her life, and the lives of her family, was in turmoil, he swept in to bring knowledge and understanding to her new situation. Though he had not directly taught her anything, he had been the means that gave her father more confidence, and he had brought Mrs. Rigby to them who had taught them all so much. She even suspected that he was the one to helped her father to understand how best to protect his family and their new wealth.
Though they had been separated for months during the summer, his influence in her life had been felt daily.
With the last of her doubts swept away, Elizabeth had found it easy to love the man, simply because she already did. She had just not allowed herself to admit it, because she was not in a position to accept such knowledge.
Elizabeth went to her mother’s ball with the intention of observing the society in which she now belonged. She wished to know if she truly could follow her heart without severe repercussions either for herself or for Mr. Darcy.
Of course, she also intended to thoroughly enjoy whatever time she could spend with Mr. Darcy. He had already promised her his first dance, and she fully expected he would be sittingnear her father at supper, so it would be natural enough to sit near him and talk with him then.
Mostly, however, she planned to speak to as many people as she could, both male and female, on as many topics as she could. Doing so would give her a small understanding of the true value society placed on status.
The whole ball went exactly as Elizabeth had planned. Her dance with Mr. Darcy was wonderful, and it confirmed in her mind that he truly did still love her, perhaps even more than he had when he made that awful, ill-timed proposal in the spring. She also was not disappointed in her expectation of his company at supper. They chatted almost exclusively with each other, practically ignoring everyone around them.
The rest of her time was spent either dancing with various gentlemen or chatting with the young ladies.
What she learned was not in the least what she expected to learn. Every single young lady had hopes and dreams of marrying a man who loved them wholeheartedly, though many would barely admit it. However, they were also universally practical, knowing that they must take care to only fall in love with gentlemen who could support them in a comfortable style.
Some of them wished for luxury and extravagance, and some only wished for comfort, but none of them cared very much about a title except as a tertiary consideration, behind both money and love.
The few older ladies Elizabeth spoke with had a different perspective. From what she could gather, money and status were equally as important. In their eyes, status gave power, and power brought the ability to fend off one’s enemies and attract friends.
She was not able to be quite so direct in her discussions with the gentlemen, but based on the topics they enjoyed,she gathered that power had little to do with their daily happiness. Most of them were interested in wealth, though a few mentioned politics as something that they enjoyed. Status mattered a great deal in politics, but she knew Mr. Darcy had no interest in parliament, and only a vague interest in politics and government.
Elizabeth was so busy gathering information and simply enjoying a ball that she didn’t stop to think about what she was learning. That was something that could be put off for quieter moments.
~~~~~
The following morning, as her maid was helping her prepare for the day, Elizabeth had an hour to contemplate, though she hardly needed all of that time.
Her choice was clear. She would marry Mr. Darcy if he would have her. Though doing so might lower her in the eyes of the older ladies of society and a few politicians, it would likely raise her in the eyes of the younger ladies, who would envy the fact that she had married for love without sacrificing comfort or even extravagant luxury.
After breakfast, Elizabeth visited her father in his study.
When she entered the room, Papa looked up from the book he was reading. “Ah, Lizzy. What can I do for you?”
Elizabeth sat down in a comfortable chair in front of him. “I wanted to tell you that I intend to propose to Mr. Darcy.”
Her father’s eyes widened. “I thought you would be waiting a while to get used to society before making such a decision,” he said.
“I spoke to practically every lady at the ball last night as well as a good portion of the men,” said Elizabeth. “I am confident in my choice.”
Papa looked at her piercingly. “Would you rather he proposed to you? I can certainly have a word with him on your behalf.”
“No, Papa. I think this is something we should settle between ourselves.”
“Then, I do not understand why you felt the need to tell me this,” said Papa. “If you were in doubt, you would be seeking my advice. That is certainly not the case. You do not wish for me to intercede. Why tell me at all?”
“I suppose I wished to give you the chance to object,” said Elizabeth.
“If I objected would that stop you?” her father asked.
“It would slow me down enough to think about the reason for your objection,” said Elizabeth. “I would not willingly go against your will, and I would not wish to have to decide between you and Mr. Darcy.”
“You are a good daughter,” he said with a fond smile. “Fortunately for you, I have no objections. He is a good man, and he will certainly treat you well. Personally, I couldn’t ask more. It is clear that you have thought this through. Do what you must. But Lizzy, please know that I shall miss you a great deal.” Papa reached out and squeezed her hand.
