“And what do you do with this freedom?” asked Jane. “Do you travel?”
“Lord, no,” he said. “Traveling is expensive. That is not to say that I don’t wish to travel. It is only that I don’t travel on my own penny. If a friend or relative invites me along on their trip, I happily go along with them.”
“If you had the income and the free time, where would you like to go? Anywhere in the world.” asked Jane. She had always wished to travel, to see places she had never seen, but the few times she had attempted to read books about travel, they simply made her discontent. She wished to see other places with her own eyes, to hear the sounds and smell the smells, not just read descriptions of places she would never know.
“Hmm, this may sound boring, but I think I would prefer to stay on our own little English island rather than travel the world,” said Colonel Fitzwilliam. “There is so much variety here, that one could spend a lifetime trying to see it all and still misssome fascinating places. Besides, I don’t really like traveling overseas. I went to the continent once, and I must say that traveling that far was extremely unpleasant.”
“I think you may be correct,” said Jane. “I have only ever been to four places in my life: Longbourn, Lockwood, Manchester, and London, but each of them is so different. Even the two cities are very different. The experience has created a certain amount of curiosity to see how other places might be unique and interesting. One place I have been most curious about is the sea. Is it different on the east side of the island versus the west? How about the English Channel? Is that more or less stormy that the other sides of the island?”
“Perhaps, with your new situation, you will be able to travel more,” said the colonel.
“I do not know, really,” said Jane. “My father hates to travel, and a young lady traveling alone is a disaster waiting to happen. Besides, I must marry soon so that I can produce an heir. Once that happens, I will be forced to settle down anyway.”
There was silence between them for half a block. Then, Colonel Fitzwilliam said, “Have you considered who you will be marrying?”
The question was surprising. She had not expected him to be quite so forward on the subject. She decided to be equally forward. “I have thought of little else for the last four months,” she said.
“Ah. I suppose that means there is already some gentleman you have in mind,” he said.
Jane shook her head. “Not in the least,” she said. “I admit that I had strong affection for a particular gentleman last autumn, but he left without a word and never returned. At thispoint, however, I am glad it all amounted to nothing, because he would not be suitable in the least for my current situation.”
“What makes you think he would not be suitable?” he asked.
Jane hesitated to answer, because doing so honestly could easily come across as her being arrogant or controlling. “Do you recall when you asked why I had turned down a dance with Lord Joseph?” she asked.
When he nodded, she continued. “Well, that is a prime example of what I must look for in a husband. My title is my own, and the estate I own is attached to that title. Any man I marry will have to be content with that, because it is something I cannot change.”
She sighed. “The man from last autumn was a very genial young man, but even he preferred to exercise control over his own household, at least most of the time. In fact, it wasn’t even a choice. He did so without even thinking, much like one breathes without thinking. I imagine most gentlemen are the same. It makes my position utterly impossible.”
After a pause, she added, “Besides, he had no title nor any connection to the peerage. While I don’t hold that against him, I do believe he would be very uncomfortable being married to a duchess suo jure.”
Colonel Fitzwilliam said nothing in response, and they continued walking for a time. Eventually, he broke the silence. “Have you considered the possibility of finding a husband who would be a partner rather than someone subservient?”
“What do you mean?” asked Jane.
“Well, the way you described your situation, you seem to be assuming that most men wish to have a subservient wife. You cannot be such a wife, so you have automatically flipped the situation in your mind by assuming that your future husbandmust be subservient to you instead. That is not necessarily the case. Despite the laws of our country, there are marriages where both spouses have equal power, where they work together to manage their resources and raise their children.”
The colonel’s words seemed to change something inside Jane. Memories of times when she stayed with the Gardiners, times when she admired how well they worked together, flooded her mind. Aunt Gardiner managed the house, making it as welcoming and restful as possible for herself and her husband while Uncle Gardiner worked hard to provide them with a comfortable income. Neither truly took orders from the other, and both were content with their lot.
“I have seen such marriages,” said Jane slowly as she continued to think through the implications and how such an idea could apply to her own situation. “They are always the happiest ones.”
“My parents have such a marriage,” said Colonel Fitzwilliam.
This was surprising, since she had met his mother, Lady Matlock. The voluble, gossipy Lady did not seem at all like Aunt Gardiner, and she had trouble imagining her husband being able to put much faith in her.
“Despite appearances, my mother is exceptionally good at managing the house and organizing entertainments,” he continued. “My father is deeply involved in politics, which requires frequent entertaining. He relies on my mother implicitly to handle those matters, while he ensures that he is informed enough to debate on the topics that matter to him the most. There are other aspects where they share power, but that is the easiest to put into words.”
“I imagine they must love each other very much to be able to rely on each other so well,” said Jane.
Surprisingly, this caused Colonel Fitzwilliam to chuckle. “Not in the least,” he said. “Like many couples in the first circle, they find their affections elsewhere.”
Jane’s eyes widened at his casual mention of infidelity, as if it were perfectly normal and acceptable. “That may be normal for most nobles,” she said, “but it is not something I would willingly tolerate for myself. I was not raised with such morals, and I refuse to break my marriage vows simply to comply with a standard that is not my own.”
She felt her expression grow firm, almost angry, as she spoke. She could see out of the corner of her eye that the colonel was staring at her, though she was too afraid to look at him, too afraid that she would see disdain or disapproval.
The ideas he had expressed were not unusual. It was common among the upper classes, because it was the most effective method of reducing the number of heirs one produced. That didn’t mean Jane had to like it.
As she thought about what she had said and how it countered the prevailing customs, despair swamped her. It was already nearly impossible to find a man she could marry, but finding a man who would be faithful to her for his whole life in addition to all her other requirements was absolutely impossible.
