“Our future,” he answered.
“Do we have a future?” she asked. “I am a disgraced lady whose engagement recently ended, and you, if I remember correctly, are the poor second son of an earl. What future could there be?”
“That is what I would like to find out,” he said. “Charlotte, you know how I feel about you, but feelings alone do not create the stability necessary to make a family. What I would like to know is if it is even possible for us to compromise on our expectations enough to be able to find happiness with each other.”
As he had said, Charlotte did know how the colonel felt about her, just as she was certain he knew how she felt in return. The words had never been spoken, but the connection between them was so real, so obvious, that it could not be denied.
“As for myself, all I ask for is a comfortable home,” she said. “I would rather have a modest home of my own with only two or three servants than all my father’s wealth in a home that was not my own.”
She saw him nod out of the corner of her eye. “I suspected as much, and if it was only you and I to consider, I would be on my knees at this very moment begging you to marry me. My concern is our future children. Can we raise children, educate children, with only the two or three servants you mentioned?”
“It is something I would be willing to try,” said Charlotte, “but only if I had a husband who was willing to help and support me. I would not wish to attempt it if my husband was never at home because he was always at his club or at parties.”
Though she did not say it aloud, the implication was there that she also would not wish for a husband to squander their income attempting to match the lifestyle of his wealthier friends.
Admitting even this much hurt her. He was so close to proposing marriage, but when she admitted she would not want to live the life he could give her unless he was willing to change his entire approach to living, she felt as if she was already telling him no.
Even so, she knew it had to be said. No matter how much she loved Colonel Fitzwilliam, no matter how much he loved her, their future happiness and their future children depended on their ability to be moderate in their wants.
“May I ask how much your dowry is?” he asked.
“Four thousand pounds,” she said.
“That is more than I expected,” he answered, musingly.
“When I was younger, before my father became a knight, I helped out in his shop frequently. He often joked that he made much more money when I was there than when I was not. I do not know if it is true, but because of this, he has set aside a larger dowry for me than for my younger sister.”
There was silence between them as Colonel Fitzwilliam pondered over all she had said. Eventually, he said, “I believe it would be wise to have a sort of a trial. I will go back to London for six months. During that time, I shall attempt to live on just fifty pounds per quarter. This will give me experience and understanding as to exactly what I would need to do to adjust to a more frugal lifestyle. If I find I can do so while not making either myself or my family unhappy, I will return and will propose to you, assuming you are still available. What do you think?”
Charlotte was both pleased and terrified at such a suggestion. She was pleased that he wished to marry her so much that he would attempt to change his entire life. She wasalso pleased that he was not willing to make himself miserable to do so.
Yet, the thought that they must wait six months before they could even have any sort of understanding between them filled her with fear. What if he found someone else in the interim, someone who had the fortune she lacked? What if he discovered that he simply was not happy with frugality? What if the impossible happened and someone proposed to her? Should she give up a guaranteed proposal for the hope of one in the future?
“I think this plan is reasonable, though fraught with risks,” said Charlotte. “A great many things can happen in six months.”
“Let us add a pact then,” he said. “If you receive a proposal in those six months, write to me and tell me. Give me a chance to change your mind if I feel I can.”
“I will, if you will also make a promise,” she said. “If you find that you have the opportunity or inclination to marry someone else, please let me know somehow, so that I will not be waiting for something that will never happen.”
The colonel stopped moving and turned toward her. Gently, he grasped her arm and turned her to face him. There was fire and steel in his eyes as he said firmly, “That will not happen. There is no one in the world who could take your place, and the only way I would ever let you go was if I was convinced you were better off without me.”
“Even so, I would still ask for your promise,” she said with matching steel in her voice.
He lifted her gloved hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. “I promise,” he said.
They walked for another half hour discussing their hopes and fears for their future. When he left and Charlotte went back inside, her heart felt both light as a feather, and as heavy as aboulder with the odd combination of hope and fear that filled her.
Chapter 19
When Georgiana heard that Mr. Wickham was locked up and would be tried for attacking a lady, she jumped for joy on the inside. Not that she was happy for whoever had been attacked, but she couldn’t help being gleeful that Mr. Wickham was no longer free to affect her life in any way.
She would no longer need to remain indoors all the time. She could ride her horse or even go walking in the garden. She hoped that she could go shopping in Meryton with Kitty and Lydia.
The day after she learned of his incarceration, Georgiana joined her brother in his visit to Longbourn, just as she had done nearly every day since arriving in the neighborhood. This time, however, it was with a much lighter heart. She hoped to be able to invite her friends on a shopping excursion the following day.
When they arrived, Fitzwilliam went straight to Miss Elizabeth, and Mr. Masters went straight to Miss Bennet. Of course, she went over to where her friends, Kitty and Lydia were sitting.
Kitty had a sketchbook out, and Lydia looked as though she was embroidering a new reticule. “Good morning,” she said. After they returned her greeting she asked, “May I see what you are working on?”
