Chapter 20
The night after Mr. Wickham’s attack, Elizabeth had trouble sleeping. There were two reasons for this. The first, of course, was that memories of her ordeal kept intruding every time she tried to relax. The other reason was Mr. Darcy.
When memories of Mr. Wickham appeared, she was able to soothe her pain and fear with memories of being held by Mr. Darcy. With his strong arms around her and his scent filling her nose, she had felt as if nothing frightening or painful would ever come near her again.
She thought about all he had said over the past weeks, how he had declared his love in so many ways, with words, with expressions, with his actions. It had been some time since she had harbored any doubt about him whatsoever. What she did have doubt about was her own feelings toward the man.
Until today.
Until he held her and comforted her and told her that even if she was ruined he would still love her, care for her. Until that moment, she hadn’t even realized how much it would have hurt her if he had withdrawn his affection. Until that moment, she hadn’t known that she loved him.
What kept her awake, apart from reliving the intense experiences of the day, was pondering what she should do about it. Should she tell him? If so, how? How was a young ladysupposed to express such a change of heart without breaking every rule of propriety?
When she finally fell asleep, she was no closer to an answer to that question. However, she was certain that she needed to tell him. She must. It was the only way to repay all the kindness and patience he had shown her.
Elizabeth awoke before sunrise the following morning. She was usually up with the sun, but this morning, she was startled awake by a nightmare. Not wishing to risk its return, she sat in the dark, still snuggled under her warm blankets, and thought more about Mr. Darcy, hoping that memories of him would chase away the lingering fear from her nightmare.
Eventually, the sun rose, and Elizabeth crawled out of bed to start her day.
Early in the afternoon, Mr. Darcy arrived as usual, along with Mr. Masters and Georgiana. Each guest sought out their usual company, and they were soon all seated.
Almost as soon as he was settled, Elizabeth asked Mr. Darcy, “I wonder if we might go for a walk. Lately, I have been taking my exercise before breakfast, but I felt distinctly uncomfortable going on my own this morning.”
“That is perfectly understandable,” he answered. “Shall we invite Miss Bennet and Masters to join us?”
“That would be perfect,” she said.
Jane and Mr. Masters quickly agreed, and Elizabeth and her sister went to fetch their cloaks. Once they began to walk, they immediately split into two pairs with Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth in the lead.
Mr. Darcy said, “While I understand you might be hesitant to go out on your own, I do hope your fear does not rule you for long.”
“I am certain it shall not,” said Elizabeth. “I have been walking these paths and roads for as long as I can remember. I just need to let their familiarity soothe my fears. Although I do not think I shall ever be quite as recklessly independent again.”
“It is good to recognize there are dangers in the world,” said Mr. Darcy. “But it is unwise to let fear of them rule you. A little wisdom and prudence are all that is needed.”
“If I recall correctly, you did not particularly approve of my walking to Netherfield by myself when Jane was ill,” she said.
“Not entirely,” said Mr. Darcy, “though I admit that the exercise made your appearance quite appealing. At the time, Miss Bingley claimed that I would not wish Georgiana to ever do such a thing, and I had to agree with her, but Georgiana is not as independent nor as spirited as you are.”
Elizabeth was silent for a time, and Mr. Darcy seemed content to be so as well. However, her mind was far from quiet. There was a question, she desperately needed to know the answer to, but she feared it would be too forward for her to ask.
Eventually, she gathered her courage and said, “If I agreed to marry you, would you wish to keep me from walking out by myself?”
She expected him to be startled by the question, possibly staring at her, but he seemed unflustered. Only the barest hint of a smile betrayed that he was pleased she was thinking about the possibility of marrying him.
“While in London, it would be wise for you to take at least one footman with you wherever you go. There is much more danger on the crowded streets of the city than here in the country. At Pemberley, you would certainly be free to wander the gardens as much as you like, but if you ventured out beyond that, I would be much more comfortable if you had someone with you.If nothing else, they would be able to fetch help if you were to fall or get hurt in some other way.”
“Though I might chafe under such restrictions, I can see why you would make them,” she answered.
“It is not as restrictive as it sounds,” said Mr. Darcy. “The gardens are extensive, and just walking around the edge is three quarters of a mile. If all you wished for was to get some exercise, it would only take two or three circuits to satisfy you.”
“If the gardens are that big, how big is the park around Pemberley?” she asked. The entire area around Longbourn’s manor house was only three quarters of a mile around, and the garden itself was less than a third of that.
“I take a complete tour around the park once a year. The entire journey takes between two and three hours, riding at a leisurely pace. It is ten miles around,” he said.
“My goodness,” said Elizabeth. She had known that Pemberley must be large, but the idea of that much land set aside simply for the amusement and entertainment of a single family was astonishing. “I imagine the estate itself must be very large, indeed.”
“Kympton, the village where all my tenants live, consists of one hundred fifty houses, and it is surrounded by one and a half square miles of farmland and pastures,” he said.
