Other than a general greeting and a vague acknowledgment that they would be partners, he didn’t seem to pay Mary much attention. Throughout the entire game, his attention was solely on the cards and the gameplay.
Mary was quite used to this treatment from gentlemen, so it did not disturb her. Rather, she found it to be relaxing. Between the two of them, they won the game quite soundly.
When it was all over, Mr. Porter bowed to her and said, “I thank you for a most excellent game, Miss Bennet. I haven’t had such a good partner in quite some time. I do hope to repeat the experience at least once before I leave the neighborhood.”
“Of course, sir,” she replied. “I look forward to it.”
His compliment had been nothing more than a comment on her ability to play whist. There was no romance or attraction to it whatsoever. Even so, Mary felt a very familiar feeling settle in her belly. It was something she had not experienced in two years, but she knew it immediately. She liked him. She was attracted to him.
She cursed herself, attempting to chase the feeling away by abusing herself soundly. She reminded herself of all the times she had been passed over, ignored, and snubbed. She reminded herself of all the letters she had burned over the years. She succeeded in hurting herself abominably, but she did not succeed in removing the sensation from her belly that felt as though she had eaten too much jelly.
As this storm of emotion was playing out with Mary’s mind and heart, she kept her face as placid as always. After all, it would have been rude and very much frowned upon for her to storm from the room simply because a gentleman paid her a simple compliment.
Mary’s next game of whist did not go quite so well. She was paired with Jacob Lucas. He was notoriously flighty, unable to focus on any one thing for long, and Mary knew for certain he didn’t even like whist. Between his nature and Mary’s perturbed mind and distracted attention they did as poorly as she and Mr. Porter had done well in the previous game.
When the game was finally over, Mary went out into the hallway. Since there was no fire there, it was much colder than in the heated rooms. That being the case it was deserted save for the occasional person moving from one room to another.
Mary braved the cold and paced up and down the quiet space attempting and failing to excise her attraction to Mr.Porter. She knew it was foolish. She also knew that the only reason she felt this way was because he had shown her a tiny bit of attention. Her love-starved heart had seized on it and longed for more, creating this sensation.
But no matter how she castigated herself or rationalized it away, the feeling would not leave. Eventually, she resolved to do what she had always done before. She would ignore it until she was at home. Then, she would pour out her feelings onto paper and burn them, hoping that her heart would get the message that they were unwelcome.
With this resolution, Mary joined some casual games, deliberately avoiding the room where Mr. Porter was still playing whist. She passed the rest of the evening without seeing him again except when he took his leave at the end of the night.
Chapter 7
Mary proceeded with her plan the very next day. She wrote a letter to Mr. Porter describing exactly what she found so fascinating about him. She described the delicate and deft way he handled his cards. She wrote at length about how fascinating it was to watch him focus so completely on the game. She described his eyes which, despite their bright blue color, weren’t particularly eye-catching until one caught his intense expression as he watched the cards being played, deducing which cards were still left.
As she wrote, the feelings of attraction and admiration grew within her, creating a longing to see him again, to observe how his expressions changed and attempt to discern how his mind worked.
When the letter was complete, she did not immediately burn it. Instead, she poured out all the observations she could not describe into a sketch of his face. It wasn’t particularly good, but it was recognizable, and that was what mattered.
She carefully enclosed the sketch in the folded letter and sealed the little package. Then she walked over to the fire and tossed it in.
As she watched the flames devour her letter, she waited for her actual feelings to fade and disappear along with the paper. They did not. In fact, her feelings didn’t budge or shift in the slightest.
Mary sighed. She knew that this sometimes took several attempts, so she tried to be patient with herself. She would repeat the process after the next time they met.
~~~~~
They met again a week later at a dinner party at Haye Park. This time, they actually spoke together, though only for a few minutes. Mr. Porter made his way around the room after dinner. He was clearly making a point to speak with each of the guests, and Mary thought this spoke well of his manners.
What didn’t speak particularly well of him was the fact that he looked utterly bored with the process. He showed no real interest in what anyone said. It was as if he was simply doing his duty rather than truly enjoying getting to know people.
At first, as she watched him, Mary didn’t think too well of his behavior. Then, she realized that she had behaved much the same way for years. Since she was always prepared for others to snub her or ignore her, she had never shown much in the way of joy in their company, at least not until the last year or so. Even now, though she was far more polite and welcoming than she had been, she was not particularly animated.
She began to wonder what motivations were behind his behavior instead of simply judging him as rude.
When he finally joined her on a sofa late in the evening, she asked, “Are you enjoying your evening?” She was intensely curious if his answer would give any hint as to his true feelings.
“Dinner was quite delicious,” he said, “and your neighbors are very friendly and engaging people.”
She noted that he had not directly answered her question. “They are,” she said. “My brother-in-law claims that this neighborhood is one of the friendliest he has ever encountered.”
The mention of her brother-in-law seemed to surprise Mr. Porter. He hesitated before saying, “I suppose if he lives here, he would naturally think so.”
“Ah, but he does not live here. Before he married my oldest sister, he lived mostly in London, though I believe he traveled quite significantly. In fact, he first met Jane when he leased Netherfield for the autumn a little more than three years ago. Currently he lives in Leicestershire where he recently purchased an estate.”
“If he has such experience with traveling, then I suppose I must bow to his superior judgment,” said Mr. Porter. “Though it is not particularly difficult. I have experienced your neighbors’ friendliness for myself, after all.”
