Mr. Darcy was quite still for several moments as their gazes finally locked. Elizabeth felt pinned in place like the butterflies she had seen in her father’s collection.
He broke the spell first by clearing his throat. “Tell me, Miss Elizabeth, about the book you’ve been reading to your sister during her illness.”
Inwardly, Elizabeth sighed in relief. The conversation had become far too intimate in such a short time, and she was entirely grateful to discuss something far safer, far more mundane.
Miss Bingley soon tired of being banished to the piano, and she joined Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy in conversation. Her presence made everything stilted and awkward, but Elizabeth was still glad to have this time with him. After all, she and Jane would be going home tomorrow.
That morning they had planned on staying one more day, just to be certain that Jane was entirely recovered, but Mary’s news had hastened their departure. Assuming Jane remembered to ask Mr. Bingley for the use of his carriage tomorrow, they would be leaving just after breakfast.
Chapter 22
As the two sisters retired to their room that night, Elizabeth learned that Jane had completely forgotten to ask Mr. Bingley for the use of his carriage the next morning.
It was understandable. Jane was clearly focused on her present pleasure rather than future pain, and Elizabeth could hardly blame her. Still, it did present an obstacle for their plans.
Elizabeth pondered over the problem as she prepared for bed, but in the end, she shrugged it off. Nothing could be done about it tonight, and Jane could certainly ask him at breakfast. The delay would be unlikely to make a difference in the answer.
Her surmise was correct. In the end, it made no difference. Though Mr. Bingley protested and even complained at Jane’s departure, he willingly made his carriage available to take them home. His only request was that they wait until later in the afternoon when the day would be a bit warmer.
After seeing how genuinely Mr. Bingley wished for her to stay, Jane’s tender heart could not tolerate denying his request, so the two sisters stayed a few hours longer than they had intended.
For Jane, that time was spent in the drawing room, chatting with Mr. Bingley and Mrs. Hurst. Elizabeth, however, felt at loose ends. Miss Bingley was avoiding her, and Elizabeth wished to avoid Mr. Darcy, which left her with no one to talk to.
Though she and Mr. Darcy had chatted easily enough last night, she could not bring herself to be comfortable in his presence. She was too confused for his normal peaceful presence to have its soothing effect.
With this being the case, Elizabeth resorted to what she always did when she was uncomfortable. She went for a walk.
The day was bright and still, but it was colder than it had been. For the first few minutes of her walk, Elizabeth gripped her cloak about her tightly until her swift, energetic movements helped her to warm up a bit.
The gardens and grounds around Netherfield were among the most intricate and beautiful in the neighborhood, but at this time of year, there was nothing to be seen of such beauty. The garden consisted of a few evergreen shrubberies, a plethora of shorn trees, and many, many empty flowerbeds and flowerpots.
As she walked, Elizabeth thought over what her future looked like. Mary would get married next month, and given Mr. Bingley’s attention to Jane, her older sister was likely to do the same before the end of the year.
With both of them gone, the chaos and noise which perpetually spilled from Lydia, Kitty, and their mother would be more difficult to avoid. As a result, Papa was likely to spend even more time in his bookroom, and Elizabeth would be left to the company of those she had little in common with.
Elizabeth loved each member of her family dearly, but she was not blind to their faults, and her love for them did not make them less embarrassing in company. With Jane and Mary gone, there would be no one left to carry on a sensible conversation.
Would Elizabeth still love Longbourn under such circumstances? Would she still feel as though it were truly home?
A wave of guilt crashed over her.
Was she so fickle in nature that her love for her family and her home relied on the presence of only two of them?
Elizabeth wrestled with her conscience and her truth, but in the end the truth won. Honestly, there were just some people that it was easier to love at a distance.
Her conclusion was followed by the strongest wave of guilt yet. Then a wave of loss and mourning quickly followed. How would she manage when Jane, her rock and her support, was no longer there?
Of course, Jane would live nearby. Netherfield was only three miles from Longbourn, after all. However, her priorities would shift. She would be focused on her house and her husband and would simply not have as much time and attention for Elizabeth.
Even so, Elizabeth would not change a thing. She had never seen Jane happier than when she was in the company of Mr. Bingley. He was not as strong of character or as handsome as Mr. Darcy, but he was a good, kind man.
Mr. Darcy.
She had avoided thinking of him, but now that he had slipped into her thoughts, she could not chase him away.
In addition to the calm, relaxed feeling he always gave her, he had an air of strength about him that called to Elizabeth. Although that strength occasionally took on the appearance of arrogance and perhaps pride, Elizabeth knew that for the most part, he was no such thing. What pride he did carry was justified due to his situation in life.
In station, he was well above everyone she had ever known, and his wealth made his life one of many more comforts and luxuries than Hertfordshire could provide. Of course, he wouldoccasionally be uncomfortable here, and such discomfort from a man as upright and formal as Mr. Darcy would naturally come across as pride.
