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I’ve stayed awake at night and replayed his lips against mine. His kisses are strong like him, possessive and demanding. Ryan said beautiful things to me in the barn and he touched me in ways I only dreamed someone could touch me.
My fingers burrow into his thick hair. “Yes. ”
Ryan lowers his head and I close my eyes.
The anticipation of this moment creates an energy that sizzles in the autumn air. I’m going to do it. I’m going to kiss Ryan—sober.
“Fuck, Beth. ” From behind me, Isaiah spits out the words.
I whirl around and barely catch sight of him bolting out the back gate into the alley. Noah falls out of the hammock and heads after him. I need to go after Isaiah, not Noah. I take several steps, but laughter from the house stops me. I can’t leave Ryan. “Noah!”
“Go home, Beth,” he says as he strides toward the alley. “Back to Groveton and don’t come back. ”
That’s the deal we made. When we hugged and apologized to each other, Noah promised to let me stay and enjoy my evening if, when it was over, I left and never looked back. It wasn’t a hard promise to make. In a few weeks, I’ll be gone for good. “I can’t leave knowing he’s upset. ” Because after tonight, I may never see him again.
“Just go,” says Noah.
“No!” I grab Noah and fling myself in front of him. “He’s mad at me. I know he gets upset when I make out with guys, but Ryan isn’t some random guy. I have to explain that to him. ” I have to explain to Isaiah that he is not in love with me. “But I can’t go after Isaiah and leave Ryan here. You know what will happen if some of Rico’s friends see Ryan without you or me. ”
Noah rubs his eyes. Yes, he does know. Ryan isn’t a part of our circle and is fair game for a good beating. Noah gestures for me to go after Isaiah. “Fifteen minutes, Beth. I mean it. You need to go back to Groveton and finish out your life there. ”
I turn and flinch to find Ryan standing close with his hands shoved into his pockets.
Hurt wounds the brown eyes that glowed with promise moments before.
“Ryan,” I stutter out. “He’s my best friend and he’s upset and…”
“Go after him. ” Ryan crosses his arms over his chest. “But don’t string me along if it’s him you want. ”
“What?” I shake my head. Ryan misunderstands. “Isaiah and I…we’re not like that. ”
But I’m not going to waste time standing here arguing with Ryan over stupid jealousy issues when my best friend is upset. I push past Noah and run into the alley. A few steps into the darkness, strong hands grab my arms.
I suck in air to scream and I’m silenced by a familiar deep voice. “You’ve changed. ” As if to prove his point, Isaiah shoves my wrist in front of my face and shows me Ryan’s pink ribbon.
“So have you. The Isaiah I knew would have run away with me and Mom when I asked. You left my mom with Trent and he broke her wrist! It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.
You used to take care of me!” My pulse thuds in my ears as I shove away from Isaiah.
The streetlamp attached to an aging utility pole flickers on and off. With each flash of light, a mix of anger and sadness crosses Isaiah’s face. “You used to let me take care of you. Now you’ve got some asshole jock doing your bidding. ”
White-hot anger flashes through me. “Leave Ryan out of this. You’re the one PMS-ing like a girl. First you want to run away with me.
Then you don’t want anything to do with me.
Then you want to run away with me after graduation. Then you keep telling me to live my life in Groveton. Then you go and tell me that you love me when we both know you don’t. ”
My heart jumps out of my chest when he punches his curled fists into the chain link fence behind him. The metal of the fence vibrates. “Dammit, Beth. ”
Isaiah clutches the fence and he bends over as if he’s ready to vomit. Not once in four years have I seen him this emotional. My hands shake with adrenaline. “I don’t understand. ”
Isaiah swears softly under his breath. “I am in love with you. ”
Ice freezes my muscles. He said it—again.
“No, you aren’t. ”
Isaiah spins and cups my face with his hands. I don’t feel warmth. I only feel cold.
