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Cold and confused. He lowers his head so that his face is close to mine. “I’ve been in love with you since I was fifteen. I wasn’t man enough to tell you, so Luke swooped in. You were so hurt after he used you that I swore to protect you until you could listen to what I had to say. I’m in love with you. ”
My lungs tighten. God, I can’t breathe. Help me breathe. “You’re my best friend. ”
“And you’re mine. I want more from you and I’m begging you to please give me more. ”
My throat becomes raw and slowly swells.
“But you’re my best friend. ”
His fingers gently move against my cheek.
“You want to leave, I’ll go. I’ll take you now.
We’ll get in my car, find your mom, and we’ll never look back. Your terms. Not mine.
Whatever you want. Whatever you need. Just say the words. Please say them. ”
I love him.
Those words. My hand presses against his chest. His heart continues in the same steady beat I’ve come to depend upon. Isaiah is my rock. The string that holds me together when I’m ready to fall apart. He’s the anchor that keeps me from floating away when I go too far. His heart has been the one constant rhythm in my life and I don’t want to let it go.
“I love you. ”
Isaiah tucks his chin toward his chest and I force air into my lungs when he clears his throat. “You’ve got to mean it. ”
I try to physically shake the tears forming, but his hold on my face makes it impossible.
We haven’t talked for weeks, but I knew, in the deep recesses of my mind, that our separation was temporary. This somehow feels too real and that means this goodbye could be concrete.
I can’t lose him. I can’t. “I mean it. I love you. ”
Like a friend. Like my best friend. Before Groveton, I never understood love and now…I still don’t understand it. But I know that it’s not emptiness, I know it’s not letting a guy use me, I know there are different types and what I feel for Isaiah…it’s not how I feel when I’m with Ryan.
Isaiah rests his forehead on mine. “Like you love him. Tell me you love me as much as you love him. ”
Ryan. Am I in love with him? The thought causes panic. Just the sound of his name causes my heart to trip over itself. I love the way Ryan makes me feel. I love his words. I love his hands on my body. I love the way his gaze causes me to blush.
But I have to leave Ryan soon in order to protect my mom. If I say the right words, Isaiah will go with me. “Isaiah, I…”
Once upon a time, I wondered if I was falling in love with Isaiah. Echo had hugged him and he happily hugged her back. The pain and jealousy that shot through my body surprised even me. But I wasn’t falling for him. I was scared of Echo. Scared of the changes she was bringing to our lives. Changes that would have happened even if she had never existed.
I stare into his gray eyes. Isaiah’s wrong; he doesn’t love me. Not in the way he thinks. The truth is there—in his eyes. He doesn’t look at me the way Noah does Echo or how Chris does Lacy. He doesn’t look at me the way Ryan does. …
“I love you…”
I love Isaiah’s safety and I love his calm. I love his voice and his laughter. I love his constant, steady presence. But if the world were coming to an end, he’s not the person I’d want at my side. I love him. I love him so much that I know he deserves to have a girl who falls apart at his touch. He deserves to have a girl whose heart stops working every time he glances at her. He deserves someone who is “in” love with him.
“…as a friend. The same way that you love me. ”
Isaiah shakes his head, as if doing that will make my words less true. “You’re wrong. ”
He presses his lips against my forehead. My lower lip trembles as I ball the material of his shirt into my hand. I’m losing him. I’m losing my best friend.
“I’m not,” I say. “And someday you’re going to figure it out.
”
“If you change your mind…” There’s a heaviness in his voice, and a part of me dies at the thought of him in so much pain. He touches his lips to my forehead once more, the caress lasting longer, the pressure more intense.
