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Mark calmly watches as I pace the length of the narrow room. He clears his throat.
“Someday, you’re going to see how Mom and Dad controlled and manipulated our lives.
You’re going to notice how they made us believe that their dreams were our dreams.
They dictated our every breath. Think about it—do you have any idea who you are without them?”
Mom sat me next to Gwen last night and she specifically asked me to take care of Gwen’s needs during the evening. Just like she asked me to take care of Gwen when I was fifteen.
After that first dinner, Mom encouraged me to ask her out and I did.
But baseball is my choice. It always has been. Dad understands baseball. Because of that, he’s managed every part of my baseball career: the coaches, the leagues. Hell, he even stands up to umps. He does it all for me.
Right?
Mom and Dad’s concerns, all of their pushing, they do it because they love me. But they flat-out told me not to date Beth, regardless of my feelings for her, and they expect nothing less than compliance.
“You’re going to wear a hole in my carpet,” Mark says.
No, Mark’s wrong. He has to be wrong. “I’m a good ballplayer. ” I am. The best.
“You are. Dad did that right. He didn’t force us into a sport we had no talent in. He took his time and found the one sport each of us was good at. The question is—who are you playing for, Ry? You or Dad?”
Between the door and bunk beds, I freeze.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Dad wants perfection. Scratch that. Dad wants perfection on the outside so everyone else can see it. Mom too. They could care less if we’re torn up on the inside as long as the rest of the world envies us. ”
Everyone in Groveton assumes Mom and Dad have the perfect marriage. The homecoming queen married the star quarterback. Behind closed doors, Mom and Dad hate each other. I thought they’d get over it. Now…
“I’ve learned a lot playing college ball,” Mark says. “What you do in high school doesn’t mean shit. You can be the best ballplayer in your high school. The best in the county or state, but when you get to college, you’re going to meet fifty other guys who can brag the same thing. You’ll meet guys better than you, stronger than you, faster than you, and then you’re up against better teams. The world changes when you leave Groveton. ”
When I leave Groveton. Decisions need to be made before that can happen: pros, college, literary competitions, scholarships. “Why are you telling me this?”
“I wish someone would have told me, but I had to figure it out on my own. You’re not alone, Ry. ”
“Yeah, I am. ” And my eyes burn. I close them quickly and suck in a breath. He left. And Mom and Dad’s marriage is falling apart and everything I have ever known and loved is disintegrating into ashes.
“I never left you. ”
“But you didn’t come home. You never answered my texts. ” The voice falling out of my mouth isn’t my own. It’s strained. Tight.
On the verge of breaking.
“I’m sorry, but you have to understand, until Mom or Dad reach out to me, I can’t go back.
I’ll admit, I left them. But I get it now. I should have tried harder when it came to you. I should have called. I should have visited. I messed up, but I swear, I never left you. ”
I pull off my cap and run my hand through my hair. He never left me. Beth’s right—I left him. My throat thickens. “I’ve missed you. ” I shake my head, trying to find a way to say the next words. “I never cared that you’re gay, but I cared that you…that you left. ”
“Yeah. ” His voice becomes gruff. “I know.
It’s okay, Ry. Me and you, we’re okay. ”
He stands and the action takes me off guard.
We’re Stones and Stone men don’t touch, but the moment he puts his hand on my arm, a tentative offer, I accept and allow him to pull me into his body. Our arms wind tight around each other for one brief second. I squint my eyes to combat the tears and when we release, we both retreat to opposite sides of the room.
