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I can see the memory of the night playing in his eyes, and my chest aches. He’s on the verge of figuring it out. His eyebrows shoot up. “You bolted when I whispered your name. You felt something for me right then, didn’t you?”
My head shakes back and forth as I whisper, “No. ”
Relief softens his face and a hint of hope lifts his lips. “You’re falling for me like I’m falling for you. That’s why you’re pushing me so hard. ”
“Leave me alone!” Filled with the need to flee, I turn. If I run fast enough, I can leave behind the awful memories of my past and Ryan’s beautiful words can never wind their way into my soul. I step into air. My heart races to my throat as I fall forward. The pond.
Terrified of the water, I scream. Strong arms weave around my waist and pull me to solid ground.
I lean my back into Ryan’s chest and clutch his arms. My fingernails dig into his skin like hooks. If I fall in, I’m going to drown. The weights upon me are too heavy to stay afloat.
My only option is to sink.
I suck in a few breaths and after I take one longer one, Ryan lowers his head to my ear.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. ”
“You’re shaking. Fine doesn’t mean you shake. ”
“I can’t swim, but I’m fine now. ”
“You can’t swim,” he repeats.
“No. ” A drop of rain lands on my head and slithers down my scalp. “We should go. ” The day is ruined. “It’s going to rain. ”
Ryan loosens his grip on me and within seconds, he sweeps me into the air and cradles me against his chest. My face is devastatingly close to his. I blink several times. “What are you doing?”
Instead of answering, he jumps into the pond.
Dizziness overcomes me and my blood pressure tanks. Water rises and smacks my face, my hair, my clothing. My arms strangle his neck. I’m going to drown. “Ryan!”
“I’ve got you,” he says in a calm tone.
“You’re okay. ”
He wades deeper into the cold water.
Gravity calls for me to slide out of his arms and become constrained by the water below.
I’ll suffocate with my eyes open. My hold on him tightens. “Take me back!”
Water penetrates my shoes, my jeans, the back of my shirt. It pours over my stomach and I grow heavier and heavier. Cold wetness teases my skin—calling out a hateful, mimicking laugh. I bury my head in the crook of his neck. I don’t want to die. I don’t.
He stops and whispers into my ear, “Look at me. ”
I don’t have the strength to lift my head.
Instead, I ease it to his shoulder and open my eyes.
“I’m going to teach you how to float. ”
I tighten my grip. “You’re going to kill me. ”
“Trust me. ”
“I can’t,” I whisper. I trusted Scott, my mother, and my father. I trusted Luke, my aunt, and Isaiah. All people who left me. All people who faded into darkness. My heart has been ripped multiple times and each time I repaired it on my own. I know my limits and if someone rips me apart again, I’ll never find the strength to pick up the pieces.
