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I don’t wait to hear anything else. “Does Gwen know any of this?” Because she didn’t before. Otherwise, she would have told me in order to break Beth and me up.

“Yes. She was there when her parents told us yesterday. ”

With my keys tight in my hands, I turn my back to her.

“Ryan!” Mom calls from the kitchen. “Come back!”

She’s too late. I race out to the garage, start the Jeep, and peel out of the driveway. If Gwen knows, then that means she’ll tell the rest of the school.

Beth

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nbsp; SCOTT PULLS INTO A SPOT next to the front entrance of school and places the car in park.

We’re early. Neither one of us said much during breakfast. I didn’t eat. Neither did he.

“Are you sure you want to go today?” he asks for the tenth time. “I’m okay if you stay home. Allison and I heard you pacing downstairs so I know you didn’t sleep the past few nights. She’s worried about you and so am I. ”

I’m too damned tired to even roll my eyes at the lie of Allison being concerned over me.

Mom and I were supposed to leave today. I was going to cut school and take a cab into Louisville. Then Mom and I would have left.

My insides feel tormented, battered, and bruised. Sort of like if Trent was allowed free rein over my organs. The worst sensation is the tightness in my lungs, the feeling of drowning.

I touch the ribbon on my wrist. “No. I want to go to school. ” I need to see Ryan. He said I had roots here. I need to hear him say it again.

I need to laugh with Lacy. I want to smile when Logan and Chris egg each other on. I want to nail the anatomy quiz in science. I want to know that I’m not making the worst mistake of my life by leaving my mother behind.

My backpack sits on the floorboard and I hold my science book to my chest. I’m good at science. Really good. My teacher likes me.

Instead of yelling at me when I accidentally cursed while giving an answer, she laughed and winked. After class she told me to watch my fucking language. I earned a B on my last progress report and last week my teacher told me that I’m close to an A. Me, Beth Risk—I could get an A.

“I never wanted to tell you about the money. ”

I shake my head and Scott stops talking. I’d rather not think about that. It still hurts too much. I try to wipe out the thoughts of Mom and money and how I’m leaving her behind with Trent. Instead I try to focus on Lacy. She called me her best friend and she asked me to stay the night next weekend. Since I left Groveton at the age of eight, I’ve never had a sleepover with a friend. She said we’d eat frosting and watch movies. I have a best friend who’s a girl.

“You don’t look good, kid. ”

I hit Trent Saturday, which means he’ll hit her. I choke as I attempt to breathe. How can I do this? I can’t leave her behind. “Mom swore to me she’d never do heroin. ”

“I’m sorry,” he says in a simple way. Kind of like when a child finds out that Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny doesn’t exist. He’s sorry that the fantasy is over, but happy I’ve entered reality.

Mom doesn’t fight back when Trent hits her.

I should go into Louisville. “Dad shot up heroin. He sold it too. ”

Scott turns off the car. “I didn’t know. ”

I’m leaving Mom behind, but I owe her. She never left me. “He wasn’t bad when he shot up.

Mostly he slept. The needles scared me. Mom got real nervous if I played too close to them. ”

“What happened?”

Why didn’t Mom tell him? Or Shirley? Why do I have to do it? “Dad didn’t want me. ”

“Your dad was young. He didn’t know what he wanted. It had nothing to do with you. ”

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