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Beth pauses in the door frame and I pray she’ll say she believes me. “No, you don’t. You don’t want to feel bad for winning the dare. ”
She walks into class and the tardy bell rings.
Beth’s second period teacher assesses me.
“Get to class. ” Then closes the door in my face.
Feeling numb, I turn in the direction of my next class. I made love to Beth and I lost her. I swallow as my own eyes sting. It was too soon.
She didn’t trust me enough. What we did together, it was too much, too fast. I run a hand over my head and try to comprehend how everything blew out of control.
“Ryan!” calls Gwen from behind me. “Ryan! Please wait!”
Rage shoots through my veins as I spin in her direction and tower over her. “Are you finally happy, Gwen? Congratulations, you’ve bagged homecoming. I hope it was worth it. ”
Her eyes widen and she steps back. “I didn’t do it for homecoming. ”
“Then why? Why would you hurt me like this?”
She blinks. “Hurt you? I’ve said nothing about you. ”
“If you hurt her, you hurt me. I love her. ”
Gwen’s face pales. “You only think you love her. I just…I just told a few people. Just enough so word would get back to you, because I knew you wouldn’t listen to me. I didn’t know that they’d call her a whore. I didn’t know about the locker. I swear, Ryan. I feel awful. I do. I had no idea it would go down like this. ”
When I angle my body away from her, she tries to reach out to me. “Please, you have to believe me. Ryan…”
I move out of range and her fingers hover in the air for a second before dropping to her side.
“She’s all wrong for you. I thought if you heard it, maybe from other people, you’d see what she really is and then you’d…”
Nausea crawls up my throat. “What? What did you think I’d do?”
Tears pool in her eyes and she shrugs.
“Come back to me. ”
I pop my neck, trying to relieve the tension, but find the act did nothing to help. “We were over long before Beth came to this school. If you can’t understand that, try this—I love her, Gwen. I love her. ”
I turn my back and head in the direction of my next class. This school isn’t that big and, because of that, Beth won’t be able to hide from me for long.
Beth
I KNEW THIS MATERIAL LAST WEEK. I know I did. I studied every night and Scott quizzed me most mornings. But I’m drawing blanks. The words jumble as I read them, which means my paper’s blank. The bell rings. “Please bring your tests to me,” says Mrs. Hayes.
The hand clutching my pencil sweats. I’ve written my name. That’s it. My head falls forward. I failed. Again. This is who I was meant to be.
“Beth,” says Mrs. Hayes. She walks back to my seat after everyone else turns in their tests and leaves. “Are you okay?”
“No. ” I’m a whore and I’m stupid. I snatch my backpack and leave the blank test on my desk. “I am not okay. ”
I burst out of class. Groveton is a mistake.
I’m a mistake. Ryan lied to me. He used me. I was a dare. I’m nothing more than a stupid whore who makes mistake after mistake after mistake. Just like my mom.
People laugh as I pass. They’re judging me and their judgment is spot-on. I don’t belong here. I never have. I can’t go to lunch and I can’t handle the thought of gym. I don’t want to listen to Ryan lie so he can make himself feel better, to Gwen’s laughter because I’m the trash she wants me to be, or to Lacy’s pleas to talk to her.
Ryan rounds the corner and I duck into the hallway where I saw Isaiah on my first day of school. God, I’ve fucked everything up. I lost my best friend because I fell in love with a stupid jock who doesn’t love me back. My fingers tunnel into my hair and I pull hard to cause pain. Stupid, stupid, stupid me.
