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Well, who did Godric have, really?
There was his friend, Lord Caire. But Lord Caire had his own family—one that would no doubt grow and demand more of his time. She had a vision of Godric, old and alone, surrounded by his books and little else. Someday he’d have to give up being the Ghost of St. Giles—always assuming he didn’t die doing it—and then he’d have … nothing.
The thought was distressing. Megs looked over at Godric, who was now bending down to listen to something Lavinia was saying. She might not love him, but he was her husband. Her responsibility. How had she not seen before that she couldn’t leave him alone?
The gentlemen suddenly rose and Megs realized that she’d missed Hero inviting the ladies to the sitting room for tea. The duke held Mrs. St. John’s chair for her and then Megs’s—putting age before rank, and quite properly in Megs’s opinion.
Mrs. St. John linked arms with Megs on one side and Charlotte on the other. “And what were you two whispering about so seriously during the dessert?”
“Godric.” Charlotte sighed, and Mrs. St. John merely nodded because there wasn’t much to say to that, was there?
In the sitting room, Hero was already serving tea while Sarah sat at the harpsichord, experimentally plunking the keys.
“Oh, do sing, girls,” Mrs. St. John said as she took a cup of tea. “That old ballad you learned the other day.”
o;No, let me hold him a bit longer,” Megs murmured. “He’s quite beautiful.”
“Yes, isn’t he?” Hero’s mouth curved in maternal love.
A pang of desperate longing went through Megs’s breast. This. This was what she wanted.
She looked up and met Godric’s watchful eyes. As if he’d heard her thoughts, he inclined his head almost like he was making a promise. Her breath caught. What other man would be so good to her? He was so protective, so kind. He’d spent the day escorting her and the St. John women about to shops, never once making a demure or seeming bored by frivolous feminine things. The day had been so enjoyable that she’d remembered only as she’d been dressing for dinner that he’d promised to look for Roger’s murderer. And she knew she ought to ask him what his plans were, to press him on the point and make sure he wasn’t going to conveniently forget his vow, but she simply wanted a small respite from the matter.
From death and grief and loss. If only—
“Ah, Mandeville,” the duke drawled.
Megs turned to see that her other brother, Thomas Reading, the Marquess of Mandeville, had arrived. Beside him was his vivacious wife, Lavinia, whose hair had grown if anything more brightly red since Megs had last seen her.
“You’ve got a spot on your waistcoat,” Thomas said to Griffin.
“Yes, I know,” Griffin replied through gritted teeth.
Megs sighed. Her brothers weren’t the best of friends, but at least they now spoke to each other. For several weeks after Griffin’s marriage, that hadn’t been the case.
The gentlemen converged, speaking in low tones about politics before the butler interrupted with the call for supper.
Hero took sweet William from Megs’s arms, bussing him on the cheek before giving him over to his nurse with a murmured word and a lingering look as they left the sitting room. She caught Megs’s eye and smiled ruefully. “I usually put him to sleep myself. It’s silly of me, I know, but I hate letting someone else do it.”
“You can look in on him later,” Griffin said tenderly, offering Hero his arm.
She took it, wrinkling her nose up at him. “You shouldn’t indulge my sentimental quirks.”
“But I like indulging you,” he whispered into the auburn curls at her temple, and Megs blushed, rather thinking she wasn’t meant to hear that last part.
“Shall we?” Godric was at her side.
“Of course.” She laid her fingers on his forearm, realizing that they trembled slightly. There was something about being this close to him, a warmth that transmitted itself from his body to hers, a kind of vibration almost, so that her body seemed to tune itself to his. And she realized with almost horror that even if he weren’t the means to give her a baby, she wanted him.
That isn’t right, she thought shakily as he led her into the dining room and pulled out her chair. She sank into the seat without thought, her mind full of a confused buzzing. Her body wasn’t supposed to long for his. She’d loved Roger, and although she was grateful to Godric and had come to know him a little more, had, perhaps, a kind of admiration for him, that wasn’t love.
Her body shouldn’t respond without love; it just shouldn’t.
She realized that Charlotte sat to her left—the gentlemen were overmatched by the ladies—and, oh dear, to her right was the duke. Megs mentally sighed. The Duke of Wakefield was a rather daunting gentleman to make dinner conversation with. The footmen brought out great platters of fish and began serving as Megs searched her mind for something to say to His Grace.
Instead it was he who turned to her. “I trust you enjoyed the play at Harte’s Folly last night, my lady?”
“Oh, yes, Your Grace,” she murmured, watching as he tore apart a crusty roll. “And you?”
