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“But we have to consummate the marriage,” I say, feeling my heart sink. I don’t want to fail at being a wife on day one.
“What he knows or doesn’t know is none of his business. We don’t have to tell him what we do. Make him believe whatever makes him happy. I don’t give a shit.”
“Christopher…”
He spins to face me directly. His eyes are filled with anger. “I’m not going to take your virginity. I’m not that kind of man!” He moves his cuffed leg a little. “I may be chained like a damn animal, but that doesn’t mean I’ll behave like one.”
“You don’t want to have sex with me?” My lip trembles as I ask the question, and I struggle to hold back the tears that threaten to fall. I look down at my dress. “Am I not desirable?”
He grasps my chin and forces my head up to look at him. “First of all, you’re beautiful. Don’t ever feel you aren’t. You have a true and genuine beauty I’ve never seen before in another woman. There’s an angelic purity to you that you have somehow maintained even though you live in the absolute pit of despair.”
“Then why are you angry?” I ask. “Why is the thought of having sex on our wedding night getting you upset?”
“Because you deserve better!” he snaps. He glances at the mattress on the floor. “Your first experience should be romantic. It should be special. It should be an experience you want and have been looking forward to. I don’t want you to have sex because your father demands it.”
“But he does,” I say, pointing at the white sheet. “He told me he will expect to see proof of it tomorrow morning.”
“Motherfucker!” Christopher shouts as he punches his fist against the wall of the schoolhouse.
I jump back, but I can’t fully retreat without falling to the ground as the chain holds one foot in place.
Christopher sees my reaction and instantly softens and pulls me into his arms. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He takes a deep breath in. “I don’t ever want to scare you.”
I pull away just enough so that I can look into his eyes. “Please don’t fight him on this. He’ll whip me if we refuse, and he’ll lock us back in the cellar.” I glance around the schoolhouse and add, “I know this may not be your apartment in New York, but it’s better than sleeping on the cold floor of the cellar. And I promise I’ll try to fix it up real nice. I’ll try to make it feel like our home.” I glance down at my feet. “Just don’t give Papa Rich reason to take it all away. He will. He doesn’t bluff.”
Christopher lifts my chin so I have to look up at him. “Where I come from, the woman chooses to give her virginity away. It’s a gift. And it’s not something I’d just take.”
“You aren’t taking. I’m giving.”
“It shouldn’t be like this.”
“We’re husband and wife now. It’s what’s supposed to be done. And…” My face heats and I divert my eyes in shame. “I’m way past the age. I know this. I shouldn’t be a virgin anymore. I don’t want to be. I want to be… normal. Or at least as normal as I can be in my setting.”
“Your setting?” I see hope in his eyes. I know he wants me to think the way he does. He thinks I live in denial, and maybe I do.
“I know I’m different. I know a normal woman doesn’t grow up in a ghost town hidden from the world. I know I’m sheltered.” Saying the words out loud actually stabs at my heart. “I’m aware of my circumstances and how they look to you. I also know you pity me.”
“I wouldn’t use the word pity,” he says. “But I see the truth, and I’m not sure you do.”
“What’s the truth you see?”
“Your father keeps you here against your will.”
I look down at my feet and then back up at him. “You’re right. That is my truth.”
“Then why don’t you want to escape?” he asks.
“It’s not a matter of want or not. It’s a matter of reality. I know we can’t escape. And I also know what the consequences could be. And even if I do escape…if we escape. Then what? What do I do? Where do I go? I don’t know anyone or anything. I have no idea what is outside of Hallelujah Junction.”
“I already told you,” he says. “I promised that I would help you. I wouldn’t just abandon you.”
“And that is pity.”
“No. That’s human decency. I would help you.”
“Because you have to? Because we’re now husband and wife? Because—”
“Because I’d want to,” he interrupts. “I feel this need to protect you, and it’s not going to go away just because we leave this town. I promise you that.”
