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“I can shave it for you,” I offer. “I can borrow a razor from Papa Rich.”
“I’ll keep the beard,” he snaps. He stops dancing and pulls away.
I know me mentioning Papa Rich by name causes Christopher to always lose his temper. I should try to do better and avoid his name at all cost.
I leave the music playing but follow Christopher back to the mattress where we sit.
“I want to make you happy,” I say, feeling defeated.
He shifts on the mattress so he can see me directly. “You’re a good woman, Ember. You are by far the kindest, most genuine person I’ve ever met. You don’t make me unhappy. It’s not you.”
“You want to leave.”
“I want to leave this place. Yes.”
“What about me?” I ask, not sure I want to hear the answer. “What do you feel about me?”
He takes me by the hand. “Confusion, to be honest. A part of me tells me I shouldn’t have any feelings for you considering I’m here against my will and chained to you. Another part of me feels this almost neanderthal feeling to protect you and make you mine forever. And whenever I start to allow feelings to form for you, I feel like something’s wrong with me. Like I’m sick in the head.”
“But aren’t I yours forever?” I ask. “We made vows. We’re married.”
“Ember…” I see pity on his face. “We were forced to marry. You know that right? We were married by a crazy one-legged man. Our marriage isn’t even legal. It’s not real beyond this town.”
“It’s real to me!” The words come out much harsher than I want, but I can’t help it. And for the first time since being chained to Christopher, I really feel trapped. I snap my hand out of his and cross them protectively against my chest. I want to leave. I want to walk through the tunnel and go to the kitchen so I can get some fresh air that is not also breathed by Christopher, but I can’t. “I know we come from different places,” I say much calmer. “But vows mean something to me.” In a tiny voice as I look at my feet, I add, “You mean something to me.”
He reaches for my hand again. I don’t want him touching me, but I don’t really have a choice. I can’t run. I can’t even cross the room to be alone.
“I didn’t mean to upset you,” he says. I look into his eyes and see sincerity. “I can’t explain all the feelings I have. I feel weak. I’ve never felt so weak and out of control in my life. I don’t want to give up on my plan for escape, and yet… as each day goes by, I find myself doing exactly that.” With his free hand, he moves a piece of my hair behind my ear. “You mean something to me too, Ember. I didn’t mean to make you feel otherwise. You mean a lot to me. In fact, I don’t think I could have gotten by each day here without you. Your sunshine is the only light in my world right now. I need you.”
“I need you.”
He leans forward and kisses me softly. His hands cup the sides of my face as if he’s afraid I’ll pull away.
“I want to please you,” I say against the kiss. “I want to please you in all ways.”
I lower my hand to the button of his pants and boldly unfasten. I wait for him to stop me or tell me I’m doing it wrong, but he only deepens the kiss. When the pants are loose, I lower my hand and touch his hardness. I take hold of it and feel the weight against my palm. I’d never been so daring before nor sinful—but is it a sin if he’s my husband?
I fight against the awkwardness of his clothing and the restriction. As if reading my mind, he lifts up enough so that I can lower everything down, freeing his sex. I glance down, but then feel my face heat.
“This isn’t wrong,” he rasps out.
I know he’s right, and I fight the feelings of sin threatening to suffocate me. Instead, I lower my mouth and kiss the tip of his penis. Unsure, I look up at him. “Is this all right?”
He closes his eyes and leans back. “More than all right.”
Feeling a sense of accomplishment that I have brought a smile to his face. I kiss a trail from the head all the way to the base and then lick my way up. The salty musk sends a shiver down my spine. My own sex pulsates in need for him to enter me. I want him again. I want to feel that level of closeness and connection again.
On exhale, he says, “Put me in your mouth. Suck me up and down.”
