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I look at his shirt, at the blood on it. And I remember. I remember the papers I found. I remember the messages on my phone.
“I need to go,” I start, but as soon as I try to sit up, pain like nothing I’ve felt before has me on my back again.
“You put a crack in the windshield with your head,” he says. “You’re in no condition to go anywhere.”
“How long have I been out?”
“Most of the day.”
I shift my gaze to the far window, realize it’s dark out.
“Deirdre,” I say.
“Deirdre?”
“Sean…” How will I explain? “I need to get to the shop.”
I try to sit up and Hawk comes to my side. “Lie back, Melissa. You’re not going anywhere.”
“You don’t understand.”
“I understand more than you know.”
“Deirdre’s in trouble.”
“Who’s Deirdre?”
“The woman who works with me. Sean…He said if I didn’t meet him…He said he’d hurt her.”
“Sean Boyd won’t be hurting anyone. Axel picked him up the other night.”
“What?”
“He went looking for you. I’ve had a man on the shop.”
“Because of those pictures you found. The reports.”
He knows. God, he knows all of it. Shame fills me as tears blur my vision.
Hawk studies me and before he can answer, there’s a knock on the door.
“Come in,” Hawk say. James pushes the door open and peers around the door. “Come inside, James.”
He’s wearing striped pajamas and is barefoot. In his arms is a worn teddy bear. His eyes grow huge as he looks at the bandage on my forehead and I think he’s going to cry.
“It’s all right,” Hawk say, going to him, taking his hand. “Melissa’s fine. And she’ll tell you herself you’re not the reason she left. Melissa?”
I look up at him. “What?” Why would you think that?” I ask him as Hawk lifts him up to sit on the bed.
“You hurt yourself because of me and then you had to lie to protect me.” He sniffles.
“Oh, sweetheart,” I reach out to touch his face, wipe away a tear. “No, that’s not why I left. Not at all.”
“And she shouldn’t have left like she did, should you have, Melissa?” Hawk adds.
I look up at him and I see a firmness in his eyes, hear it in his voice. I turn back to James.
“No, I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry you thought it was your fault, James. It wasn’t, not even close.”
James smiles and a moment later, he throws himself into me and I feel every bruise as he hugs me hard and I hug him back, loving this little boy already.
“Go on to bed now, James. If your father finds out you’re out wandering the halls at night, you know he won’t be pleased with you.”
“All right, Uncle Hawk.”
“Shall I take you back?” Hawk asks.
“No, that’s all right,” he says, sliding off the bed. “You stay with Melissa.” He turns to me. “I’m glad you’re home, Melissa.”
His words strike me and all I can do is watch him walk away in his striped pajamas and little bare feet.
The door closes and Hawk returns to my side, looming over him, hands folded across his chest.
“You and I need to talk.”
36
Hawk
I give her that night and the next few days to rest. And all I can think about any time I look at her is what I’d thought, what I’d felt, when I’d seen her slumped over the steering wheel.
It’s five days later when I decide it’s time we had this talk.
“How long have you known what’s on that drive,” she asks when I enter the bedroom.
She’s sitting up and Alice has just cleared the tray of food she’d brought up. Melissa’s on bedrest. My orders.
“Long enough. You shouldn’t have left like you did. You should have waited for me. Talked to me.”
“I thought Deirdre was in trouble. I thought—”
“You should have talked to me!” I slam my fist into one of the bedposts.
Melissa jumps.
I hold up my hand, mutter a curse under my breath. I don’t mean to frighten her, but I do because she gets that look in her eyes, that one from the first night.
“I don’t want to talk about it. Ever. I don’t want to think about it. You can’t understand what…I just…I wish I could forget. Why can’t I forget?” Her voice breaks.
I go to her, sit on the edge of the bed. When she turns her face away, I touch her chin to make her look at me.
Tears well and overflow from her eyes and what I want most of all is to wipe them away forever. I touch one with my thumb, smear it across her cheek.
“The past is exactly that, Melissa. Past. But if you let it have any power over you, it will destroy you.”
She sniffles, turns her face and wipes her hands over her eyes.
“When I went on my trip, I went after that man at the party.”
