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But that’s not what it was.
We fucked each other within an inch of our souls leaving our bodies. It wasn’t just sex. It was a goddamn collision, something I’d never experienced in my life before that night.
And now he’s laughing about it, telling the crowd about it, making sure the entire campus will know about it come Monday morning.
Just to prove some fucking point.
Well, fuck him. And fuc
k all these single-celled rich shits who think any of this is funny, let alone any of their goddamn business.
“Sorry.” I raise my voice to match his, letting an easy, taunting smile slide across my face. “It was probably so lousy because I spent most of the time trying to figure out if you were actually inside me or if you were just dry humping me like a two-inch virgin.”
A ripple goes through the gathered students, and I get the sense that no one actually expected me to stand up to Gray. Low noises reach my ears—a chuckle here, a snicker there, a few whispered voices. Over the sound of the crowd’s reaction comes a braying laugh. It’s grating, setting my teeth on edge like nails on a chalkboard and making goosebumps scatter across my skin. It nearly distracts me from the satisfying sight of Gray’s shocked expression.
I guess he didn’t expect me to hit back either. Did he seriously think I’d just stand there and take whatever bullshit he threw at me without lashing out in return?
Does he think I’m that fucking weak?
Or does he just have that much power?
I want to say something else. I want to turn the look of surprise on his face into one of regret. I want to make him sorry he ever opened his fucking mouth and talked shit about me.
But the prickling tingle racing over my skin is only getting worse. My heart is beating harder and fuzzy blackness is creeping in at the edges of my vision. The attack I staved off before Elias bumped into me is returning full-force, and this time, I don’t know if I can hold it off.
I won’t fall in front of these men or their stupid fucking groupies.
I won’t let them see me vulnerable.
A cold sweat is breaking out over my skin, and it takes effort to move my limbs normally, but I force myself to shoot Gray one more unimpressed look before I turn and walk away, forging a path through the bodies still clustered in a loose circle around us.
My head stays high and my spine straight until I round the corner of a building. When I’m sure none of them can see me anymore, I pick up my pace, staggering like a drunk as I try to put as much distance between me and them as I can before the attack overtakes me fully.
I make it into a small alleyway between two class buildings just seconds before a fresh wave of dizziness washes over me, nearly bringing me to my knees.
7
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
This attack is intense. It comes over me out of nowhere, rising up like an ocean to drag me under. My vision goes almost completely black, all my senses becoming muffled and dulled as if I’m drowning in the very air around me.
Every second that passes feels like an eternity, and I can’t even tell if I’m still breathing or just opening and closing my mouth like a fish. The rough stone of the building’s facade scrapes against my fingertips as I press my hands against it, and that singular sensation grounds me against the force of the blackness pulling at me.
Slowly, the attack recedes.
As it does, I realize that I am in fact breathing, and I put conscious effort into slowing and evening out my inhales and exhales. The world turns to fuzzy, dark shapes before my eyes, and then finally into recognizable images.
Fuck.
A shiver wracks me, part leftover adrenaline and part fear. I haven’t had an episode this intense since I was twelve or thirteen, a lost kid trying to navigate the system with little guidance and no solid memories. And just like when I was a kid, the feeling of having no control over myself in an unfamiliar place is starkly terrifying.
Fuck finding the administration office. Fuck the trio of assholes I just left behind. For now, none of that shit matters. In this moment, all I can do is lean against the wall with my forehead pressed against the rough surface. It’s cool against my heated skin, and even with the roughness, I welcome the temperature change to help ground and chill me out.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
