I sigh, and it seems even louder in the dark room. I’m disappointed though. “You know that I don’t care what you look like. I just want to lie in my husband’s arms. That’s it.”
I don’t know if I thought he would hear the pleading in my voice and just magically be okay with it, but it doesn’t happen. In a muted whisper, he says, “I can’t.”
I squeeze my eyes closed tightly. “Okay.” I roll over and turn away from him.
The feeling of being rejected is weighing heavily on me. We lie there for so long, I’m almost positive he’s asleep.
When his hand comes to my back, I almost jerk at the surprise. He rubs me, up and down my back, and it’s the best feeling I’d had in a long time. The moan that escapes my lips couldn’t be held in. Just with a back rub, he’s making me feel this good.
Then his hand slides lower on my hip, and he pulls me until I’m lying on my back. His hand dips inside my underwear, and he cups my mound. I look over at him, but it’s almost pitch black in the room so I can’t see anything. But I can hear his breath and the way it picks up speed.
His fingers separate me, and he glides one through my slick folds. “Fuck, baby, you’re so wet.”
“Mmm. Yeah, but you shouldn’t be surprised. I’ve always been this wet for you.” I lift my hips and urge him to enter me. His long finger goes in and out of me in a slow, deep, plunge.
“I just thought...” he starts but trails off.
I grab his hand and move it to my clit. He draws circles around my swollen nub. I want to get lost in the feeling, but I know there’s something important to say. “What? You just thought what? That I wouldn’t be turned on by you anymore? Jeremy, I can see you across the room and I need to change my panties. I’m wet, all day, every day, for wanting your hands on me. Nothing will ever change that.”
He grunts at me, and I know that already, for a guy that doesn’t show his emotions, he’s already said and done a lot today. I let it go as he continues to please me. I’m so slippery wet for him, it doesn’t take long for the orgasm to race through my body. He doesn’t stop until I’m completely satisfied, and the tiny aftershocks have finally stopped shaking my body.
“I can...” I start to tell him I can do the same for him, but he stops me.
“I’m fine. Thank you for that, Peggy.”
I roll onto my side and face him. Even though I can’t see his face, I stare across the pillow at him. “I’m the one that should be saying thanks.”
He reaches for me in the dark and lays his hand on my hip. I do my best to stay awake and savor the feel of laying in my husband’s arms, but sleep draws me in.
Every day gets better. We laugh and talk and do things together. But I’m still not affectionate, not like we once were... not like she wants to be, the way I want to be. The moments when I want nothing more than to kiss her are stolen by the fucking chair I’m in.
I start doubling up on my muscle building and practicing with the prosthetic legs. Instead of twice a week physical therapy, I go to three and then two other days a week I go in to the office and do work on my own. I get better and better walking on my prosthetics. I’m able to do more and start feeling better about myself.
I pull into my driveway when my phone rings. I look at the caller ID, and it’s Patton. He was a medic that we served with. He may not have been on the lines with us, but he saved more lives than anyone. Plus he was Jason’s best friend. I know he took losing Jason the hardest. “Hey, Patton.”
“What’s up, brother? How you doing?”
“I’m doing better, actually.”
He laughs. “That’s great, man. I can hear it in your voice. Cole told me he came and saw you a few weeks ago.”
I grunt. “Is that what he called it? More like he tried to knock some sense into me, but you know I got his drift. I’m getting my shit together. What about you? How you doing? How does it feel to be home?”
“Good. The hospital is busy. It’s nothing like—well, you know, but it keeps me busy.”
I nod understandingly. “Yeah, so you don’t have to think about anything else.”
“Yeah,” he mutters into the phone.
There’s silence, so I have to ask him. “What about Cora? You see her lately?”
As soon as I say Jason’s little sister’s name, I can feel the change in Patton. He’s closest to the family, more than any of us, but we all promised Jason that day we would look out for her.