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Before I left work that day I slid my phone number in the crack of Deirdra’s driver’s side door. She called me that afternoon at two, and my questions splattered out like a hot fool on speed.
“What are you?”
Laughing, she replied, “Whatever I am, you like it, right?”
“Yeah, but I don’t understand this. I can’t stop thinking about you. I’m, I’m…confused.”
She spoke in a soft, mannish tone. “I have a thing for you as well. When I walked back down the hall and looked into your eyes, I wanted to kiss you. You were so sincere. I felt so bad for you.”
My heart quickened as I asked, “Are we going to be together? And if we are, what are we? Or, are you just going to fuck me so I can have an experience and never talk to me again?”
“Look, I’m digging you hard. You made me nervous the first time I saw you. Initially, yes, I just wanted to fuck you, but now, I don’t know.”
My neck tingled. “Should I take that as a compliment?”
“What? The fact that another woman wants to fuck you harder than a man does?”
Surprised, I asked, “You want me that bad?”
“Yes. And yes, it’s a compliment.”
I was still confused. “You talk like a man. You look like a man. I don’t get it.”
“I know you don’t. If this helps any, I’m a woman. I was born a woman and I have all the physical attributes a woman has. I just love women. I love the way they smell, walk and talk. I love to make love to them. It gives me ecstasy to pleasure them. The way I look is the way I was born to look. I didn’t wake up one day and decide to be a man. This is the way I was made.”
The line was silent for a moment as I took in what Deirdra said.
Curiously, I asked, “How did you know I was digging on you?”
“Ha, ha…it’s the same way a man and a woman dig each other. You just know.”
“Do you wish you had a dick?” After I asked that question I felt it was a mistake, but she answered with ease.
“Sometimes.”
I wanted her in the best way. She was so damn sexy. “Why am I attracted to you?”
Boldly, she replied, “Because I’m an attractive person.”
“I think about you constantly.”
“Ah, that means so much. Syreeta, we were meant to find each other. One day you won’t be ashamed of me or your feelings.”
“I’m not ashamed of you, Deirdra. This is just so foreign, and I don’t understand my feelings.”
“I know. Until your ready, we can keep us a secret.”
Meekly, I answered, “I’m sorry about that, but I need to figure this out.”
“That’s cool. Many women go through the same thing as you. Women don’t fuck women. Women aren’t supposed to look like men. But it’s a different world than what your mama told you about.”
“Yes, it is. So, am I a lesbian now?” How would I ever explain this?
“You have to search yourself and answer that. I know I am. You could be someone who simply loves people. You love what’s attractive to you.”
“Well, right now I want to love you. Will you come over?”
“For you, of course. I’m on my way.”
