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“Raze,” she murmured and leaned in to kiss him again. The big Kindred kissed her back, tasting her mouth like she was a fine vintage he had been waiting a long time to sample. Big, warm hands caressed her back, running up to her shoulders and then down to cup the curves of her ass. His touch on her body felt so good…so right.
This is it, Luci thought to herself. Rochelle was right—he was waiting for me to make the first move. Dios, I hope he has protection!
She didn’t have anything herself, though Rochelle had recommended she get some condoms. But from the long, thick ridge of his cock, which she could feel between her thighs when she pressed against him, nothing sold in an Earth drug store would have been big enough for Raze.
Luci was getting so hot at this point, though, that she almost didn’t care if the big Kindred had protection or not. It had been over a year since she’d been with a man and Tony had never made her feel this way.
Her ex had been a rough, selfish lover—pushing her down and taking her before she was really ready and ending before she was anywhere near done. In contrast, Raze was being gentle and slow. Though she could feel the eagerness in his big body, he wasn’t rushing her in any way.
The feeling of not being hurried—of being with a man who she knew would be gentle with her—made Luci hotter than she could ever remember feeling before. Reaching around, she took one of his big hands from her back and pressed it to her breast.
“Touch me,” she breathed, looking into Raze’s eyes. “Take me, Raze. Dios, I…I want you so much.”
“Gods, Lucia, I want you too,” he rasped. And then he did the last thing Luci would have expected.
He pushed her off his lap and put his head in his hands.
Ten
Raze took deep breaths, trying to get hold of himself. How could he have let things go so far, when he knew he couldn’t take them to their logical conclusion? When he knew he couldn’t bond Lucia to him?
It was just that he wanted her so damn badly. But this wasn’t fair to her. It wasn’t right to lead Lucia on when he knew damn well he couldn’t give her what she deserved.
“Raze?” she asked and there was a quiver in her voice. “Rave, what’s wrong? Did I spoil everything?”
Raze realized he’d been trapped in his own miserable thoughts too long. It was time to give her an explanation of his limitations—which was something he’d been dreading.
“No, Lucia.” He made himself sit up, though he still wanted to hide his face in shame. “You didn’t ruin everything,” he told her. “I did.”
“I don’t understand.” She shook her head. “Is it…were we moving too fast? Does your culture not…not do what we just did until they get married or something? Not that I’m expecting you to marry me,” she added hastily. “I mean, that would be crazy of me since we’ve only known each other two weeks. I mean—”
“Lucia…” Rave looked her in the eyes. “I have known from the first night I met you that I wanted to Join with you—wanted to marry you, as you humans say.”
“Really?” Her eyes widened hopefully. “You really mean that?”
“Of course I do.” Raze gazed at her intently. “But unfortunately, I can’t. Can’t give you what you need—what you deserve.”
Her face fell.
“It’s all the baggage I have, isn’t it?” she asked dully. “I don’t blame you. Nobody wants a single mom with three kids already. That’s too much to ask any man to take on.”
“I would gladly take them on, if I could,” Raze said fiercely. “I adore your children, Lucia—and your mother and your pets,” he added, before she could blame his own failure on herself again. “But I can’t Join with you, no matter how much I love you and your family.”
She shook her head.
“But…why?”
Raze drew a deep breath.
“Because I’m a hybrid,” he said harshly. “A mutt—a blending of two branches of the Kindred tree. And my kind can’t form a bond.”
“A bond?” Lucia shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
“No…” Raze sighed and ran a hand over his head. “I guess you wouldn’t, since humans don’t bond. But it’s very important for Kindred. When a Kindred warrior finds the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with, he bonds her to him—forges a soul-connection that ties them together forever.” He shook his head. “I can’t give you that, Lucia—can’t offer you the most basic, vital piece of a Kindred relationship. I’ll never be able to.”
“But…but what if I don’t care about the bond?” Lucia protested. “What if I just want to be with you?”
Raze was aware of what it must cost her to lay her heart on the line like this and it broke his own heart to refuse what she was offering him—what he wanted so badly. But he knew he had to.
