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CRANKING UP THE RADIO, I settle in my seat for the commute to work. I live in Illinois but drive across the river into Missouri for my job. There are hospitals that are definitely closer, but none that pay quite as well with the same benefits as the city hospitals. I work at a larger university hospital where I’ve been employed as a staff nurse for the past five years.
Two years ago, I was given the opportunity to take on a ‘float’ position. There are several perks to being a float nurse. First and foremost, it allows me to work eight-hour shifts rather than the usual twelve hours. I still have to work every third weekend, but all in all,
the hours are great and it allows me to be home with Max in the evenings.
Plus, I'm never bored at work. I’m constantly being pulled from one floor or one department to the next, which keeps things interesting. I am able to meet so many people that I wouldn’t have met otherwise. It's also allowed me to greatly expand my medical knowledge base.
My dream is to one day become a nursing educator and teach the next generation of nurses. I want to guide them into becoming the silent heroes that they are destined to be. But my dream is just that...a dream. Going back to school isn’t an option right now.
It took a long time to get where I needed to be financially, but I feel like I’m finally getting there. Last year, I signed the paperwork and bought the first real home Max and I have ever had. Leaving my parents’ house was hard, but it was something I had to do—not only for myself, but for Max as well.
I was in such a bad place mentally and emotionally after he was born that it literally took two years to dig, scratch, and claw my way back—but I did it. Then,
I worked my ass off for the next three years to save enough money for a down payment on a home, all while providing for my son. Aside from the day Max came into this world, the day I bought our house was the proudest I’ve ever been.
The faint buzzing of my phone snaps me out of the fog. Sliding my finger across the phone, I allow my Bluetooth to accept the call.
“Hello, Levi,” I answer while picking up my cup to take a drink of my tea.
“Good morning, beautiful. Max in the car?”
“Nope, you’re all clear. What’s up?" That’s one thing I love about Levi; he always asks if Max is in the car before he starts talking. Levi has been present since the day Max was born. He understands how quickly Max’s little ears pick up on something. I’ll never forget how that lesson was learned.
Max was two, and Levi and I were in the car, taking him to the zoo. A car cut us off. Levi slammed on his breaks and murmured ‘asshole’ under his breath. Needless to say, we spent the entire day trying to stop Max from calling everyone at the zoo an asshole. It was one of those times when—as a mom—I felt horrible that my son was cussing, but it was also one of those hilarious moments that we'd never forget.
“Can I get Max later? That Disney movie he wanted to see came out this week. I’d like to take him, if that’s okay with you?" Pots were clanging in the background; Levi was most likely opening the restaurant for the day.
“Absolutely. Max would love that," I answer, smiling softly to myself. I couldn’t ask for a better male figure in Max’s life. Well, other than my dad.
“Great! I can’t wait. We always have so much fun. Plus, he’s a great wingman." His deep chuckle rings rich through the line, bringing a warm feeling to my heart.
“Thanks, Levi,” I say, exhaling loudly. Some things are just too difficult to put into words. “For everything." The last part is whispered, but he hears it—he always hears it.
“No need to thank me, baby girl. No need at all," he says, his voice softening, followed by a beat of silence. “See you tonight."
I swallow past the lump in my throat, determined to keep myself together. "Yup. See you tonight.".
Aside from Quinn, Levi has been the most amazing friend I could ever ask for. If I were a smart girl—which obviously I’m not—I would grab onto everything that Levi has offered me, and I would hold on damn tight. But I can’t let myself do that. I've already lost one friend; I'm not willing to lose another.
My relationship with Levi is so complicated, yet so easy. To put it simply, we each act as a crutch for the other. I’m there for him when he needs someone, both emotionally and physically, and vice versa. But we aren’t together, and both of our hearts are closed off to the rest of the world.
It took a long time before I let a man touch me after the attack. The insecurities that I harbored prevented any of my relationships from growing—until Levi. As my relationship with Levi developed, so did my comfort level around him. To be honest, if it weren't for him, I'm afraid I may have never let another man touch me again.
Levi was there for me the day my life irreversibly changed, and he has stayed by my side through it all. He held me after the doctors cleaned me up, comforted me after every panic attack, dried my tears when there was no hope for them to stop, and eventually yelled at me to get my ass back into gear. Then, because he is such an amazing friend, he went through Lamaze class with me and held my hand during Max’s birth. To top off every incredible thing he has already done, he continues to be a part of our lives and has essentially taken on a fatherly role with Max. To put it mildly, I owe Levi my life and sanity.
I wish I could kick myself in the ass, not only for allowing Levi to do everything he has done and for leaning on him so much, but because I haven’t been completely honest with him. There are things from that horrific night five years ago that I haven’t told anyone—not Levi, not Quinn, and most certainly not the police. Shame and embarrassment have plagued my sleep for the past five years, and I can’t share those details with anyone else.
Ever.
My day at work flies by like usual. Today, I worked in the emergency room. Of all the departments, ER is my least favorite, so thank the Lord this day is over, because I have wonderful things planned for tonight. After Levi picks Max up, I have a date with my Kindle and bathtub, and if I’m feeling really frisky, I may even throw in a bottle of wine.
Yay for me!
Four hours later, two loads of laundry, and a sinkful of dishes later, I find myself submerged in a sudsy paradise while electronically lusting after my current book boyfriend, Jax. My Kindle in one hand and a glass of sweet Moscato in the other, life can’t get much better than this. Well, maybe it could...especially if I had a hard warm body in the form of a man sitting in here with me to act out some of these smokin’ hot sex scenes.
Damn sex scenes.
Reaching over the edge of the tub, I set my Kindle and wine glass down. I lean my head back on my bath pillow and slink down further into the tub, allowing the bubbles to conform to my curves. Closing my eyes, I glide my hand down the planes of my stomach toward my core, which is now throbbing incessantly. My fingers easily slide through my entrance, and my lips part in a low moan at the intrusion. Using the heel of my hand, I gently apply pressure to my clit, allowing the deep warmth in the pit of my stomach to take form.
