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She weighed out and made her way to the starting gate to line up with the rest of the horses and jockeys. She was oblivious to their curious looks. They were led into the stalls one by one. One horse started kicking and it took about three men to get him into position.
As Nessa waited on Sur La Mer, feeling his restlessness underneath her, she pushed all thoughts of anything else but the task at hand out of her head.
She took a deep breath. And then the gate snapped open and she unleashed the power of the horse beneath her.
* * *
As was becoming a familiar refrain, François said beside Luc, ‘I don’t believe it. She’s going to win, Luc.’
An immense surge of pride and something much more tangled made Luc’s chest swell and grow tight.
He watched as Nessa approached the last furlong, moving through the air like a comet. She looked tiny on the horse and something else moved through him, stark and unpleasant. Fear, for her safety.
When she’d stood before him in his office the day before, it had taken all of his control not to drag her into his bedroom like a Neanderthal and strap her to his bed so she could never leave.
He was going mad. She wasn’t out of his system. His system burned for her. But it was too late. This was it. She’d be gone within hours. I hope I never see you again.
He’d ruthlessly contemplated seducing her again, but he knew he couldn’t do it. Much to his own surprise, it would appear he did have something of a conscience. Nessa wasn’t like the other women. She was strong, yes, but soft. Her eyes held nothing back. She might say she didn’t believe in fairy tales but he knew that, in spite of the obvious trauma of her mother’s death and its effect on their family, there was still something hopeful about her.
She deserved someone who could nurture that hope. Never before had Luc been made so aware of his malfunctioning emotions.
But, as much as he could tell himself that he was doing this to protect her, he had the insidious suspicion that it was also himself he was protecting. He wasn’t even sure from what, though.
‘Luc, look! She’s won!’
Luc saw Nessa shoot past the post and the usual sense of achievement and triumph when one of his horses won was tinged with something darker. ‘Merde, Luc, that horse is out of control...’
Luc went cold. He saw the other horses thundering over the line and spotted one that was riderless. It was going berserk. And it was heading straight for Nessa, who had slowed down and was turning around. Even from here Luc could see the huge smile on her face. A tendril of red hair falling from under her cap. Everyone was cheering.
But it was as if he were stuck under water and everything happened in slow motion. He saw the riderless horse rear up in front of Sur La Mer. Another jockey, still on his horse, tried to calm that horse down, but Nessa somehow got stuck in the middle. Sur La Mer bucked. There was a blur of movement, a huge collective gasp from the crowd and Nessa was off the horse and lying on the ground. Underneath the three horses.
Luc wasn’t even aware he’d vaulted over the fence. All he could see was a horrifying tangle of horseflesh, hooves, and Nessa inert underneath it all.
The ambulance and paramedics were attending her by the time he got there and he only realised someone was holding him back when François’ voice broke through the pounding of blood in his head.
‘Luc! Leave them alone. They’re doing all they can. Sur La Mer is fine. Someone has him.’
* * *
‘I’m afraid I can only give out information to family or loved ones, Mr Barbier.’
Loved ones. That struck Luc forcibly, but he pushed down its significance. He was desperate to know if Nessa was all right and her family weren’t here. No, said a voice, because you took her away from them.
Luc ignored the admonishing voice, and his growing sense of guilt. ‘I’m not just her employer. We’ve been lovers.’
The doctor looked at him suspiciously for a moment but there must have been some expression on Luc’s face because then he said, ‘Very well. If you’re intimately acquainted, then there’s something you should know. Injury-wise, she was a very lucky young woman. She escaped from under those horses with just a badly bruised back. It could have been a lot worse.’
Luc felt sick when he thought of how much worse it could have been, how vulnerable she’d looked.
The doctor sighed heavily. ‘However, there was something else. I’m afraid we weren’t able to save the baby. She wasn’t even aware she was pregnant so I’m guessing it’s news to you too. It was very early—just a few weeks. There’s no way of saying for sure why the miscarriage happened; it could have been the shock and trauma, but equally it could have just been one of those things. Having said that, there’s no reason why she can’t get pregnant again and have a perfectly healthy baby.’
* * *
Luc stood outside the hospital a few minutes later, barely aware of the glances he was drawing. He was reeling. In shock. Pregnant. A baby.
He couldn’t breathe with the knowledge that he’d almost had a family and in the same moment it was gone.
He’d spent so long telling himself a family wasn’t for him that it was utterly shocking now to find himself feeling such an acute sense of...loss and grief.
