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He had to be honest. To stop playing word games and tell her outright why he had come to her.
‘Siena, I have come here tonight to ask you to tell Max you can’t go to Rome. I would like you to stay.’ Here goes … ‘Stay for me. Let’s see how this thing between us could develop with some real time invested in it.’
Her eyes blinked up at him, moist and wide.
She swallowed, her thin throat obviously working hard.
‘That’s it?’ she finally asked.
Well, now, that wasn’t quite the reaction he’d been expecting. He’d thought himself indescribably brave in laying himself on the line like that.
But if she wanted more from him he wasn’t quite sure he had more to give, because even though Matt had told him to think about himself for once, he feared it would never be just about him.
What if she stayed and this thing between them never got off the ground? It would be his fault that she’d given up her dream job.
What if she stayed but was not looking for anything more than a fling and Kane became even more attached to her before she figured that out?
What if he thought he was ready for her, and found down the track that he wasn’t as strong as he thought he was? What if his feelings for her weren’t enough?
Or, just the opposite, what if they stayed together but his need for her always outweighed her need for him. Could he live like that? He knew that Dinah had always felt that way, but she had Kane to think about. But, now he was in the same shoes, could he?
‘That’s it,’ he said, his spine stiffening. ‘It’s the best I can offer you right now.’
Oh, God. He was trying.
Siena could see that. He was making her the best offer he could. It was a really sensible offer. For any regular girl, any together girl, it was a lovely offer.
But for this girl it wasn’t enough.
She loved James. She had fallen hard for his gentleness, his tenderness and his kindness and his wish to see the best in a bad situation.
But the problem was, he was the one who had started her thinking that she deserved more in the first place.
‘You asked if I was a huffer as a kid,’ she said, biting her lip so as to stop the completely irrational feeling that she was about to cry. ‘I still am a huffer, James. I’ve lived my own life for so long I am set in my ways. I’m stubborn. I’m a pain in the butt. And, just like Rick has said, I’m a born nomad. So thank you for your really sweet offer. But I’m afraid that it’s only the second best offer I’ve had this weekend.’
She was lying through her teeth. She knew it the minute the words left her mouth. His offer was so tempting it terrified her. She was so interested she could feel a definite wobble beginning in the region of her lower lip, especially when faced with the expression on James’s face. With every word she said his face closed down, all semblance of the smile evaporating until she wondered if she had only ever imagined it.
James was ready to call her bluff, to blurt out that he didn’t believe a word she was saying. The tears brimming in her eyes, the passion with which she had kissed him, even his own heart told him she was lying.
But there was no single logical reason he could think of why she would.
‘Right,’ he said, backing away. He glanced at his watch, not even seeing the face. ‘It’s late, so I should head back.’
He’d said what he’d come to say. He had bared his feelings for her as much as a simple cabinet maker without all that much experience in these matters could.
He’d brought her flowers, he’d thrown stones against her window, he’d told her that he’d thought of little but her since they’d met, he’d even felt himself lose a little bit of his soul to her when they had kissed.
But she didn’t want him.
A set of car lights hit them both, bathing Siena in a beam of light that showed her breathing was heavy, she clutched his roses to her chest so tightly her knuckles had gone white, her hair was a mass of curls and her lips were swollen from his kiss.
For a brief second his instincts told him that she loved him right back, but for some crazy reason was sending him away anyway. It took all of James’s strength not to haul her over his shoulder and drag her back to his place so he could spend the night showing her why she was wrong and he was right.
But then a fat drop of rain landed on the back of his neck. Followed by another and another. The storm had arrived and he had about twenty seconds to get back to the car before he would be drenched.
He took another step away and it felt as if he’d walked a mile. ‘Goodnight, Siena.’
He waited for her to give him something, to tell him why she had told Kane he was the greatest man she had known, to reciprocate his feelings, to grab him by the shirt-front with as much passion as she had only moments before.
