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“You know, Cade, you’re probably working this off at the wrong place, man. Sounds like you just need a bed and your woman in it.”
“I can’t fuck her; she just got out of the hospital!” He was enraged at the suggestion, because his body liked it, instantly warmed to it, but he knew it wasn’t happening soon. Nope. Not for a lot of days. Not for many torturous, tormenting days. He didn’t even know when, damn it.
The thought of not being able to bury all this inside her made him fight with more vigor in his urge to get rid of it, and when Daniel got in a couple of punches, Cade almost growled with pleasure. He didn’t even flinch, his body impenetrable as they started pounding each other hard.
The blows were nothing compared to the painful torment inside him. He bore each hit unflinchingly, welcomed each and every one, wishing they could ease him and the storm that raged inside him now. With enough of them, maybe he could rid his mind of the image of her, in that hospital bed.
He’d lived thirty-five years without her. Thirty-five years.
He never could have imagined he would feel that his world would come crashing down on him if he had to live a single one again—just one—without her.
When they finished, Cade hopped into the showers, the water running down his face. He was afraid of seeing her … afraid of himself, his emotions.
He’d withdrawn himself from Laura. Had it been self-preservation? He didn’t know. But he’d never felt so violent like he did right now. He was afraid of hurting Ivy because, whether she liked it or not, she’d hurt the shit out of him.
All the energy he’d worked off boxing seemed to return as he drove back home and entered his apartment.
Ivy glanced up from the bed when he opened the bedroom door, and her eyes lit in surprise, then darkened in dread. All kinds of emotions galloped inside him. Her eyes looked gold. The orbs went dark when she was being taken by him and turned a clear pale when she was thoughtful.
This moment they were shuttered and concerned as she stared at him, as though not knowing what he’d do. “Hi,” she said warily.
His hands clenched at his sides. He still didn’t know what to do with them. What to do with himself. With her.
He kicked the door shut and entered the room. “How do you feel?” He couldn’t look at her. He felt too many things, too strongly, all at once.
Her legs were bare for his perusal, long and slim and creamy. He could see her toes, painted a bright berry pink, and remembered nibbling the soft flat spots on the insides of her ankles.
Don’t look.
He jerked his gaze from her and frowned at his dog, lying on the bed, at her feet. “What’s Genghis doing on the bed?”
“Keeping me company.” She petted him, and the simple act of watching her fingers delve into his dog’s fur made his body scream out in urgent jealousy.
“He could hurt you! Off the damned bed, you fucking mutt. Off!” Genghis immediately obeyed, then he fisted his hands at his sides and paced.
Ivy sat up and stared at him, completely alien to him in that wig.
Look away, look away.
“Cade, are we going to talk about this?” she whispered.
He raised his hand to halt her words, and his eyes met hers. She seemed tired and weary and still, so beautiful. She was so freaking beautiful he could barely breathe.
Cade closed his eyes, counted to ten and back. And no. His body still burned from the inside out. Thinking of himself as a snowman did not help, did not keep him from wanting, needing, to be inside her. It was a need beyond physical, a need to ground her to him, to feel her alive and twisting around him, beyond anything he could comprehend.
“I know I should’ve told you…”
He raked his hands through his hair and paced away, only to return, glaring. “Stop apologizing. I’m glad you didn’t tell me. Otherwise I’d…”
“What? You wouldn’t have set a hand on me?”
His jaw tightened, and he didn’t answer her.
“Cancer is not contagious, Cade.”
He expelled a long breath, hanging on by threads. “Right now I don’t want to hurt you, Ivy.”
“Why am I even here? I have friends who can invite me over, I think I’d much rather you drive me over to one of them!” She stood up purposefully from the bed.
