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“I wanted your death for revenge. But clearly, being alive is a greater suffering.”
I clenched my jaw and shook my head. “You fucking bastard. Don’t take this away from me.”
“If you want it so bad, do it yourself.” He flattened his palms against the armrests and pushed himself to his feet, his boots audible against the rug now that he didn’t bother to stay quiet. “Or you can return to the Chasseurs, have a purpose, and uphold your vow.”
“That’s all you care about, isn’t it?” Angry tremors flickered throughout my extremities. “I lost my daughter, and all you care about is business—”
“What did you expect?” It was the first time he’d raised his voice, the first time he let his anger get to him. “You owe me, Benton. We both fucking know it. You deserted us, and you have no idea what it cost. I’m giving you another chance to redeem yourself, and all you care about is taking the easy way out and being a coward. You can’t help your daughter. The moment your heart stops beating, you’re going to hell—and she’s somewhere else.” He stared me down as he towered over me, one boot in front of the other. “When you showed your face at the Catacombs, I could have killed you where you stood. But I granted you mercy—again. I put my neck out there and helped you. I’ve been nothing short of generous, and all I should be hearing from you is a loud fucking yes. But fine. Bury your daughter and then pull the trigger. No one will miss you anyway.”
I listened to him walk away, listened to him leave my house for the last time. “Bartholomew.”
He stopped and looked at me over his shoulder, not fully turning his body to face me.
“If I come back…will you take down the cult with me?” I stared at him, felt my heart beat a little harder in hope, that perhaps he would have a heart for once and do the right thing—regardless of the cost. I didn’t know where the camp was, but I could ask around until I got to the bottom of it. But alone, I couldn’t make a dent in that place. I needed men, I needed guns, I needed an army to burn that place down until there was nothing but hot cinders behind.
He gave his answer in silence—by walking out the door.
9
Constance
Before I opened my eyes, I felt the cool cloth on my forehead. Drops of water dripped down the sides of my head and into my hair. The coldness became more apparent, reminding me of the cold water from the river, the numbness it brought to my fingertips.
My eyes opened, and I looked at the face above mine.
Beautiful blue eyes stared down at me, long strands of blond hair falling into my face. “Mom, she’s awake.” She dabbed the cold rag on my forehead, her lips pressed tightly together in concern. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah…I think so.” It was a nice way to wake up, to see this sweet little girl taking care of me. It was a welcome reprieve from the demons and monsters that plagued me the night before. It was like pure sunshine on my face. “Thanks for the rag. That feels nice.”
“My dad does it to me when I don’t feel good.”
The thought of him made me sad, knowing he was carrying a level of heartbreak no one else would understand unless they’d experienced the same kind of pain—and no one should ever know that kind of pain. “He sounds like a good dad.”
“He’s the best.”
“What happened?” Beatrice’s voice came next, her body making the mattress dip when she sat down. “They carried you in here and dropped you on the bed, and you’ve been asleep…for a day now.”
“That explains the migraine…and the stomach pains.” I slowly sat up, letting the rag fall off my forehead.
Claire grabbed the rag then crossed the room to where the food tray sat. She carried it over and placed it in front of me. “It’s been sitting there a while, so it’s probably not very good…”
“I don’t care.” I took the tray from her and set it in my lap before I started to inhale the food.
Beatrice placed two pills on the tray. “Should help with the headache.”
I grabbed the bottle of water and swallowed them without hesitation, even though I was reminded of the last pill I’d taken. The experience had been so much worse than I’d ever imagined it would be. I’d completely lost my mind. “Thanks.”
Claire continued to stand in front of me and watch me eat. “Do you feel better?”
“Yes.” It didn’t matter how terrible I felt. I could always feel a smile on my lips when I looked at her. She was so thoughtful and kind, thinking about others instead of herself. “The food is helping.”
