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I sighed. Partly because I was frustrated but also because she was right. And I fucking hated it. But there was no time to respond because the photographer we’d hired approached us with a smile.
“I’ve gotten a ton of candid photos, and some great shots of both kids with their grandparents, but very few with the two of you. I thought we could do a handful of posed pictures with the four of you, and maybe each of you with both kids? I think it’ll be nice to have a variety to choose from.”
“Absolutely.” I nodded. “I’ll round up Annalise.” I walked away because it was easier than trying to continue a dead-end conversation in the middle of all this chaos. While I mostly agreed with Hadley, I had a different perspective. We were adults. There was no reason we couldn’t follow wherever this thing between us led and still be friends afterward if it either didn’t work out or it was nothing more than sex. Why did everything have to be so black and white with her?
By the time the guests had left, and we cleaned up Benny and Annalise and put them to bed, Hadley and I collapsed on the sectional in the living room. It was only eight o’clock, but Annalise had been completely wiped out and fell asleep in the tub. Benny would probably be up again at midnight but at least we had a little quiet time.
“No offense, but those tiny slices of pizza and the world’s coolest cake does not fill up a guy my size,” I said. “Either we order some food or I might have to start chewing on your arm.”
“I can make us something—” she began, starting to get up.
“Oh, shut up and sit down,” I said, shaking my head. “You busted your ass today. You’re not cooking shit.”
She smiled. “Okay. What about ordering Chinese?”
“I could do Chinese.” I reached for my phone. “And I have my favorite place on speed dial. What do you like?”
I placed an order and then we just sat there. It had been a great day, if not a little bittersweet, but fuck, I was tired. And I had both a morning skate and a game tomorrow. I needed to get some sleep, but I was starving and sitting here with Hadley was kind of nice. In fact, it was a lot nice. Too bad she’d made it clear things needed to cool down between us. My dick was definitely annoyed about this new development.
“Do you think Ben and Lauren would have liked the party?” she whispered.
“I think Lauren would have complained about how much money we spent, but they would have loved the way the guys dressed up and were here for Annalise and the other kids. They loved our extended Mavericks family.”
“God, when does it stop? I keep thinking it’s getting better and then there’s a day like today where it hurts so much I almost can’t breathe. I still reach for my phone every damn day to call her…”
“I know.” I slid an arm around her shoulders and drew her against me. She stiffened for a fraction of a second but then it was like all the fight drained out of her and she collapsed against my shoulder, burying the side of her face in my chest.
“I can never tell if you’re hurting,” she said after a moment. “I feel so weak because I want to cry every day and you’re kicking ass and taking names.”
“Believe me, the pain is always just below the surface. I’m not kicking anything and I don’t even know what names I’m supposed to take. I just don’t have the luxury of grieving too long. I have a job that requires a fucking ton of energy and two kids at home that take up the rest. No matter how much I hurt on the inside, I have to keep going for them, for the team, and for you.”
“I’m so glad we’ve been here for each other. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but you’ve been my rock through all of this.”
I wanted to tell her she’d been my rock, too, but another few minutes of cuddling and intimate conversation, and I’d never be able to respect her wishes to keep things platonic.
“I think I just heard Benny,” I lied, sliding out from under her embrace. “I better check on him.”
I saw the surprise on her face, but what choice did I have? The closer we got, the more I wanted, but if she wasn’t there for it, I had to protect myself in addition to the kids. Losing Ben and Lauren had been all the heartbreak I could handle; anything else might break me.
Chapter Twelve
Hadley
“And…done. Try complaining about that, Liz.”
I clicked the Send button and officially sent my story for the magazine about planning a child’s birthday party on any budget. It had been a week since Annalise’s party, and I’d been inspired to write a package, complete with cake recipes, game ideas and a companion story about being inclusive of children of differing abilities at parties.
