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“It’s hard. Ben was such a great dad. I already feel like a piss-poor imposter. And then to see that picture, it just…”
“I know.” I hugged his chest. “We just have to take this one day at a time.”
“You want to watch a show or something? Get things feeling a little lighter?”
“Yeah, that sounds good.”
“Or we could continue our last kiss,” he said, holding me close. “I think about doing that about a dozen times a day.”
I was exhausted, had pepperoni breath and hadn’t showered today, but I still considered it. We both wanted more than a kiss, and somehow I knew if Wes and I slept together, all my other emotions and worries would be swept away for however blissfully long it lasted. Kind of like when we kissed, but magnified many times over.
The baby monitor crackled, and it wasn’t Benny making the noise as usual, but Annalise.
“Aunt Hadley?” she said in a sleepy tone.
She was used to lying down with me at night. If she fell asleep in the family room, Wes would carry her to bed, but we never made her go to bed alone. It was probably a bad habit, but we wanted to give her every comfort we could.
Instinctively, I jumped up from the couch. Wes sighed deeply and picked up the remote.
“Let me know if you need any help,” he said.
“Thanks.”
I actually welcomed the distraction, because I’d been close to telling Wes yes. I wanted to forget all the feelings that had hit when we saw that picture of us and the kids. And as much as I would’ve liked it, it wouldn’t have fixed anything. The feelings weren’t going away, and if I slept with Wes, I was pretty sure I’d have even more feelings to contend with.
I just didn’t have emotional bandwidth left for anything else. Parenting, working and mourning already took everything I had and more each day. The last thing Wes and I needed was to complicate things even further.
“I’m regretting the glitter guns,” I said to Lauren, turning my face from side to side to see my reflection in the mirror of the nightclub’s bathroom.
I was covered in gold sparkles; it would take forever to scrub each speck off.
“We’re still drunk, which means you’re not allowed to kill my buzz yet.” She grinned at me from the sink next to the one I stood in front of.
“It takes nothing to get you wasted these days,” I said, laughing. “You’re a lot drunker than I am.”
“I hardly ever go out! It’s New Year’s Eve and I’m in New York City! The big fucking apple.”
“No one calls it that,” I said, snorting loudly.
“Can you guys hurry up?” an annoyed female voice said from behind us.
I turned and glared. “You look fine. Use some sanitizer on your hands and get back to the party.”
“Come on,” Lauren said, grabbing my arm and taking off. “I want to find my sexy husband so I can kiss him when the ball drops.” She laughed loudly. “I said ball.”
Ben and Lauren had come to the city to celebrate New Year’s Eve at a trendy new club I’d gotten us into. Annalise was at a hotel with a babysitter Ben and Lauren had flown in with them. They were paying her a fortune so they could go out but not be far from their daughter. And of course, they’d asked Wes to come out with us, too. He was getting Ben shit-faced on whiskey, the two of them laughing obliviously as two women approached them.
“Oh, hell no,” Lauren muttered as we walked closer.
The women had just gotten Ben and Wes to turn and look at them when we reached them.
“He’s taken,” Lauren said sharply, sliding onto her husband’s lap.
“Oh, sorry,” the blond said, turning to Wes. “What about you?”
Her friend looked at me, likely waiting to see if I was about to show my claws like Lauren just had.
“He’s all yours,” I said, putting my palms up.
“Can we share you?” the dark-haired woman asked, giving Wes a coy look.
“Uh, I wish.” He grinned. “I’m really flattered, ladies, but I’m here with my friends and I just want to spend time with them.”
“Aw, but who are you gonna kiss when the ball drops?” the blond asked with a fake pout.
“Uh…” Wes looked at me.
“No,” I said firmly.
“Relax, I wasn’t even thinking it.”
“It’s happening in ten minutes!” the blond said, putting a hand on Wes’s thigh. “Let’s get drinks so we’re ready to toast!”
“You two need to fuck off,” Lauren said, waving a hand. “I’ll kiss him if I have to, but you’re not staying.”
“You’re not kissing him,” Ben said, lowering his brows as the two women rolled their eyes and left.
“I didn’t mean like with tongue,” Lauren said.
“You want me to kiss Hadley, then?” Ben asked.
Lauren’s expression morphed from annoyed to disbelieving.
